# Who would win: a grizzly bear trained in martial arts or a dozen female midgets? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 6, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506 "2006-10-06T15:44:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/21 "2006-10-07T05:36:29Z")
Damn you! Now there’s red wine all over my keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/22 "2006-10-07T10:46:57Z")
[QUOTE=Hunter Hawk] And then what if the midgets are armed with frying pans? [/QUOTE] Stick or non- stick, makes a difference yanno 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/23 "2006-10-07T12:43:42Z")
And what if Yanni were playing the flute in the background, to inspire the bear and dismay the midgets? What then? Eh? Eh? Eh? ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/24 "2006-10-07T15:32:52Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Does it matter? Midgets are infinitely cuter than a grizzly bear. Midgets, no contest. [/QUOTE] True, but a midget grizzly bear would out-cute a number of lady midgets. I’d mention a grizzly bear cub, which pretty much sums up the definition of “cute”, except that this is a fight thread, and bear cubs are notoriously chicken. So, midget grizzly \> midget woman \> grizzly cub \> chicken \> midget chicken ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/25 "2006-10-07T15:49:17Z")
[QUOTE=Enter the Flagon] True, but a midget grizzly bear would out-cute a number of lady midgets. I’d mention a grizzly bear cub, which pretty much sums up the definition of “cute”, except that this is a fight thread, and bear cubs are notoriously chicken. So, midget grizzly \> midget woman \> grizzly cub \> chicken \> midget chicken [/QUOTE] But a midget grizzly bear cub can be easily picked up and punted. Advantage: midgets. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/26 "2006-10-07T20:19:12Z")
Well, if you’re going to bring midget chickens into the deal, it changes everything. The midgets can just cook up the chickens, offer some to the grizzly, and then whack it on the head with the frying pan while it’s distracted. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/27 "2006-10-07T22:32:37Z")
How many midget chickens are we talking? I’d think it’d have to be an amount proportionate to the midget-bear fight. One midget does not make a bearslayer. One midget bear is definitely chicken food. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/28 "2006-10-07T22:56:12Z")
Don King wins ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/29 "2006-10-07T23:00:15Z")
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat] Well, if you’re going to bring midget chickens into the deal, it changes everything. The midgets can just cook up the chickens, offer some to the grizzly, and then whack it on the head with the frying pan while it’s distracted. [/QUOTE] Ah, quite so. They’re crafty strategists, those bear-fighting midgets. How about a midget chicken versus a chicken midget? How would that one play out? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2006, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/30 "2006-10-08T11:35:42Z")
This actually happened. :eek: Just once, in an underwater trench, in 1960. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/31 "2006-10-09T01:01:24Z")
_Unarmed_ midgets would be so many meatballs to a grizly. Even one NOT trained in martial arts. OTOH, midgets with RPGs… ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/32 "2006-10-09T04:09:03Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] _Unarmed_ midgets would be so many meatballs to a grizly. Even one NOT trained in martial arts. OTOH, midgets with RPGs… [/QUOTE] How many times would they have to roll 1D12 to counteract the claws of the bear? Gah…I can’t believe I referenced that. I never even PLAYED role playing games with dice. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/33 "2006-10-09T05:30:36Z")
The bear just doesn’t realize that everytime he kills one midget, he just creates a dozen more. ---
**Author:** ![Stealth\_Potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Stealth\_Potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Potato)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/34 "2006-10-09T07:37:24Z")
People, people! Clearly there’s only one winner in such a gruesome scenario: _The Terrorists._ …But if the bear is wearing one of those midget-proof suits, my money’s totally on him. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/35 "2006-10-09T10:29:46Z")
[QUOTE=Stealth Potato] People, people! Clearly there’s only one winner in such a gruesome scenario: _The Terrorists._ …But if the bear is wearing one of those midget-proof suits, my money’s totally on him. [/QUOTE] Yes. That’s Midget-proof. Not Midgets-proof. That’s a very profound distinction. The suit can stop one, but the rest of the rascals can just climb in and claw away at the bear’s meaty goodness. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/36 "2006-10-09T15:35:55Z")
This reminds me of a question either Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie asked on _The Simple Life_: Who would win in a fight- a killer robot or a tiger with a machine gun? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/37 "2006-10-09T16:22:12Z")
> [@](#): > > How many times would they have to roll 1D12 to counteract the claws of the bear? That’s so second-edition. Nowadays, all rolls to determine whether something’s successful or not use a d20. d12s are only used for hit dice for barbarians and a few monsters, and damage from greatswords. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/38 "2006-10-09T16:42:31Z")
[QUOTE=Chez Guevara] I think the deciding factor is the battleground. If the venue is a wood or a forest I fancy the bear, no question. Familiarity with the terrain, ferocity of attitude and superior fur quality should see him emerge triumphant. However, if the chosen theatre of operations is a crowded McDonalds restaurant crammed with customers trying to buy Cheese Royales (heavy on the cheese) at lunchtime, I’d have to jump ship and go with the midgets. There are several reasons for this [/QUOTE] Just a friendly heads-up. Around these parts, we call them Quarter-Pounders with cheese. Pass the mayonnaise, please. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/39 "2006-10-09T17:08:42Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] … we call them Quarter-Pounders … [/QUOTE] The midgets? Oh man, that’s gonna piss ‘em off enough to swing the balance. Now my money’s on a dozen pissed off quarter pounders with pans swingin’ for the fence. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506/40 "2006-10-09T19:10:07Z")
Would the scalding cheese be a plus or a minus? Would it confuse the bear? What if the bear was ‘lactose-intolerant’? Would the incessant barfing be a hinderance, or would sprays of the acidic-spew melt the faces of the midgets…? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-grizzly-bear-trained-in-martial-arts-or-a-dozen-female-midgets/375506.md?page=3)