# Who would win a war between the Oompa-Loompas and the Munchkins? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 5, 2007, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829 "2007-01-05T16:52:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/81 "2007-01-07T23:09:58Z")
[QUOTE=Aunt Flow] Excuse me? What’s all this talk of rifles and ballistics? The war between the Oompas and the Munchkins would be a DANCE OFF! Yeah. And the Munchkins would get SERVED. That’s right. Served. Served by the rocking choreography of the Oompa-Loompas. And I’m talking the recent ones, not the scary looking colored ones (although I’m sure they’d win in a dance off but it wouldn’t be as much as a slaughter). The Oompa-Loompas of Burton’s film were ROCKING with their synchronization and costume designers. The stupid Munchkins could barely handle a two-step. Yeah…served by the Oompa-Loompas. A glorious day for all of Oompa-Loompa-Land. The celebration would be immense. Women would be on the sidelines flashing the victors with their lucious little Oompa-Breasts and the Munchkins would return to Oz in SHAME. Shame for being SERVED and spend the rest of their days lamenting what could have been as the entire race falls into a deep depression. Childbirth rates would drop, suicides would increase and soon all that would be left would be the pathetic shell that was once the Munchkin race. Drowned in their own despair… [/QUOTE] And then, the Oompa-Loompas would _cower in fear!_ YES! FEAR…of the Mighty _California Raisins_! Boo-ya. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/82 "2007-01-07T23:11:11Z")
You make an astute point, **Aunt Flow** , but for one thing. There don’t seem to be any female Oompa-Loompas in Burton’s factory. So I’m not sure who would be flashing luscious little Oompa-Breasts at them, and whether the flashers would look like Deep Roy, but I find the image you’ve created in my mind severely disturbing. I think I need to go look at some normal pornography now to clear out my synapses. ---
**Author:** ![Aunt\_Flow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed655f/32.png) [@Aunt\_Flow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aunt_Flow)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/83 "2007-01-07T23:15:58Z")
[QUOTE=Alan Smithee] You make an astute point, **Aunt Flow** , but for one thing. There don’t seem to be any female Oompa-Loompas in Burton’s factory. So I’m not sure who would be flashing luscious little Oompa-Breasts at them, and whether the flashers would look like Deep Roy, but I find the image you’ve created in my mind severely disturbing. I think I need to go look at some normal pornography now to clear out my synapses. [/QUOTE] Ahh but there are! Haven’t you seen the new one? They show a female Oompa Loompa when they’re riding the elevator. She looks like a male but with a bun and dress 🙂 So yes, it would be Deep Roy with breasts flashing you. And **Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor** , the California raisins wouldn’t stand a chance. Why? Because they look a LOT like cocoa beans and thus wouldn’t stand a chance against the ensuing mob of Oompa Loompas that would overtake them. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/84 "2007-01-07T23:17:54Z")
[QUOTE=Aunt Flow] Ahh but there are! Haven’t you seen the new one? They show a female Oompa Loompa when they’re riding the elevator. She looks like a male but with a bun and dress 🙂 So yes, it would be Deep Roy with breasts flashing you. [/QUOTE] You aren’t helping me, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/85 "2007-01-07T23:19:16Z")
[http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/search-results/key/munchkin/](http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com/search-results/key/munchkin/) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/86 "2007-01-08T01:09:44Z")
I figure the Oompa-Loompas would have a talent for making really nasty chemical or biological weapons, what with all the stuff they worked on at Wonka’s factory. The Munchkins, on the other hand, needed an elected official to perform a thorough examination to figure out that a crushed corpse hanging out of tornado debris was really dead. Clearly, these guys are out of touch with the gritty realities of life. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/87 "2007-01-08T12:46:02Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] Pfft. Switzerland has an established military, and they’re even less intimidating than the Munchkins. [/QUOTE] The nation may not be a major world player, but I would not want to fuck with a [Swiss soldier](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_of_Switzerland). They have a long [mercenary tradition](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_mercenaries), and these days they keep their Sig 550s at home. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/88 "2007-01-08T12:51:07Z")
I’m pretty sure the overall losers in this would be the _Who_s - caught in the crossfire and trampled on by the warring parties. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/89 "2007-01-08T13:42:23Z")
[QUOTE=Ranchoth] The Munchkins, on the other hand, needed an elected official to perform a thorough examination to figure out that a crushed corpse hanging out of tornado debris was really dead. Clearly, these guys are out of touch with the gritty realities of life. [/QUOTE] Actually that’s standard procedure in an organized society. As far as the legal system is concerned, a person isn’t considered dead until someone with appropriate authority signs off on the death form. And sometimes that isn’t enough to get the records straightened out – there’s a report from last week that the army sent letters to around 5,000 soldiers who had recently left the service, asking them to re-enlist. The problem was, around 200 of those soldiers had left because they _were killed in combat_. (Right hand, this is Left hand. Start talking to each other.) ---
**Author:** ![Dukasaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e495f1/32.png) [@Dukasaur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dukasaur)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/90 "2007-01-08T15:02:06Z")
The munchkins sing songs that are eminently forgettable. The Oompa-loompas sing songs that, once they get in your head, will never leave. This seems to indicate a big advantage in psychological warfare. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/91 "2007-01-08T15:51:22Z")
Ultimately, what it comes down to is a war between a doomed African tribe of hunter-gatherers and an organized agricultural nation with a standing army that occupies land making up a quarter of the Land of Oz. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/92 "2007-01-08T16:40:09Z")
Bat-mite wins if he’s prepared. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/93 "2007-01-08T16:47:40Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] Are you kidding? Both the Oompa-Loompas and the Munchkins can step on the Smurfs – who are, after all, about half as tall as the average toadstool. [/QUOTE] So what? The [Nac Mac Feegle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nac_mac_feegle) are that size, but you – full-sized human **you** – wouldn’t want to mess with even one of them. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/94 "2007-01-08T16:48:10Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] Actually that’s standard procedure in an organized society. As far as the legal system is concerned, a person isn’t considered dead until someone with appropriate authority signs off on the death form. [/QUOTE] You’re a real laugh riot at parties, ain’t ya? In any case, my point wasn’t that they had someone sign off on a death certificate per se, but that the guy they had do it—while the corpse was still at the scene—was a fop in a _faaabulous_ matching cape and hat who spoke in metre. This is a guy who handles corpses on a regular basis? I think not. Clearly the Munchkin medical examiner’s office is something on the level of the Coldstream Guards. They probably have _just_ enough experience with killing in Munchkin living memory that they can still tell one end of a cadaver from another, but only just. The Oompa Loompas, though? There must been half a dozen different ways their _candy_ could kill someone, just as a side effect, that we saw in the movie. And they were trying _not_ to hurt people with it. I would _not_ want to get on the bad side of those devious little minds. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/95 "2007-01-08T16:51:55Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder] Bat-mite wins if he’s prepared. [/QUOTE] Very nice. \ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/96 "2007-01-08T17:01:37Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] Are you kidding? Both the Oompa-Loompas and the Munchkins can step on the Smurfs – who are, after all, about half as tall as the average toadstool. An attack by 43 quintillion Smurfs might affect the war, but I’ve never heard of so much as 43 individual Smurfs, let alone enough to field a useful army. [/QUOTE] True enough. In a Munchkin-Oompa-Smurf war, the very rivers will run blue with blood. Instead of the normal brown, of course. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/97 "2007-01-08T17:02:53Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] I’m pretty sure the overall losers in this would be the _Who_s - caught in the crossfire and trampled on by the warring parties. [/QUOTE] At their current half-strength, sure. But back when they still had Moon and Entwistle… ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/98 "2007-01-08T17:07:53Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Amazing] Ultimately, what it comes down to is a war between a doomed African tribe of hunter-gatherers and an organized agricultural nation with a standing army that occupies land making up a quarter of the Land of Oz. [/QUOTE] But the Oompa-Loompas have better tech than they did back in Africa or wherever they came from; I expect the result would be more like Cortez versus the Aztecs. Outnumbered, but with better weapons. At least it’ll stop the Munchkins from ripping out the hearts of the flying monkeys in sacrifice to Glinda. As for the Smurfs, they’re screwed as soon as the Oopma-Loompas brew up some Dip. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/99 "2007-01-08T17:29:22Z")
[QUOTE=Ranchoth] In any case, my point wasn’t that they had someone sign off on a death certificate per se, but that the guy they had do it—while the corpse was still at the scene—was a fop in a _faaabulous_ matching cape and hat who spoke in metre. [/QUOTE] I think it says something very positive about Munchkin society that they’re willing to elect officials regardless of sexual orientation. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829/100 "2007-01-08T17:54:20Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] I’m pretty sure the overall losers in this would be the _Who_s - caught in the crossfire and trampled on by the warring parties. [/QUOTE] Maybe, but the Whos can supply both sides with who-hash, and sap their will to fight as the soliders become addicts. They may also have a ‘comfort women’ program, but that is undetermined at this point. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-a-war-between-the-oompa-loompas-and-the-munchkins/386829.md?page=6)