# Who would win in a fight...? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 18, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528 "2002-08-18T23:53:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/1 "2002-08-18T23:53:31Z")
Hulk Hogan or Arnold Schwarzenegger? Glenn Danzig or Hugh Jackman? An 18 foot Crocodile or an 18 foot Great White? Bon Jovi or a Blade of Grass? Prince or Michael Jackson? Vlad the Impaler or Ghengis Khan? Abraham Lincoln or Jesse Ventura? The Incredible Hulk or Doomsday? Howard Stern or Jesus? Steve Irwin or Jeff Corwin? Bill Gates or Linus Torvalds? A Sasquatch or a Polar Bear? Homer Simpson or Maxwell Smart? Maybe this belongs in Great Debates…these _are_ some of the great questions of our time 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2002, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/2 "2002-08-18T23:57:25Z")
My money is on the Hulk. Takes all] of them in one round. Godzilla vs. the Hulk? Much harder to call. ---
**Author:** ![Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/3 "2002-08-19T02:52:49Z")
Batman. Owwwwww! Hey, Fenris, quit kicking me! ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/4 "2002-08-19T04:42:12Z")
Rocky Marciano. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/5 "2002-08-19T04:59:01Z")
Roxbury Guys vs Wild-n-Crazy Guys ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/6 "2002-08-19T12:39:40Z")
Parker Lewis. He just can’t lose! ---
**Author:** ![Umbriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9de053/32.png) [@Umbriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbriel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/7 "2002-08-19T16:30:17Z")
**Hulk Hogan or Arnold Schwarzenegger?** Assuming both are in peak condition, my money’s on the Hulkster. Pro wrestlers are skilled acrobats as well as being bulked up. Ahnold might have had an edge in pure strength, but I doubt he was ever all that limber. **Glenn Danzig or Hugh Jackman?** My money’s on the Elvis of Evil. **An 18 foot Crocodile or an 18 foot Great White?** In deep water I’d wager on the Croc, based on the advantage of its tough hide. If the shark had the element of surprise, though, it could easily prevail. In shallow water, or on land… the croc. **Bon Jovi or a Blade of Grass?** Whatever one’s opinion of his music, and or “acting”, I’m guessing he mowed a few lawns back in his day. Advantage: Bon Jovi. **Prince or Michael Jackson?** Michael might have a bit of a size advantage, but I’m betting Prince is a scrapper. Plus, none of his parts are likely to shatter on impact. Advantage: Prince **Vlad the Impaler or Ghengis Khan?** Both pretty small guys, I believe. But Temujin (Genghis) grew up on the Mongolian steppes, while Vlad had a relatively pampered youth as a royal hostage in the Ottoman court. My money’s on… KHAN! **Abraham Lincoln or Jesse Ventura?** Actually, Honest Abe was reportedly a pretty skillful wrestler back in his day. I can’t imagine 19th century skill making up for the body mass gap in this case, though. Score one for Governor Jesse. **The Incredible Hulk or Doomsday?** I’m not really that up on my comics, but I’m pretty sure that if the Hulk gets pissed enough, he’s unstoppable. Period. One for the Hulk. **Howard Stern or Jesus?** I envision Jesus turning the other cheek a few times until he realizes who’s fighting him. Then Stern turns into a pillar of salt. Advantage: Jesus. **Steve Irwin or Jeff Corwin?** I’m not sure how you can _stop_ Steve… other than maybe at the box office. My money’s on Steve. **Bill Gates or Linus Torvalds?** Hell, Bon Jovi could probably beat Bill… as could Michael Jackson… or the blade of grass… especially if it was a blade of that big Johnson grass… you can cut yourself on that stuff… Bill would bleed to death in seconds… Score one for the penguin. And for modern civilizaton **A Sasquatch or a Polar Bear?** Sasquatch are supposed to be pretty big and strong. Polar Bears are bigger and stronger. And they have claws. I’ve heard tell that large grizzlies can keep functioning with a hole shot in their heart. Polar Bears are bigger. Polar Bear, hands down. **Homer Simpson or Maxwell Smart?** Anybody’s guess. Max is probably marginally smarter, but Homer’s darn near indestructable. I’ll go with Max, just because he actually won fights with some frequency on his show. Even if he didn’t look pretty while doing it. Plus he’d have 99 in his corner. Marge is nice and all, but has no killer instinct. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/8 "2002-08-19T17:10:07Z")
Joe Pesci in 10 eyepokes and less than 3 knee-cappings. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/9 "2002-08-21T15:02:34Z")
Isn’t it supposed to be “Glen Danzig or Henry Rollins”? I heard that over and over a while ago for some strange reason. I’d go with “Ditka!” ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/10 "2002-08-21T15:14:11Z")
Isn’t it supposed to be “Glen Danzig or Henry Rollins”? I heard that over and over a while ago for some strange reason. I’d go with “Ditka!” ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/11 "2002-08-21T17:39:40Z")
Martha Stewart or Christophr Lowell? ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/12 "2002-08-21T18:23:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ElwoodCuse \* > \*\*Isn’t it supposed to be “Glen Danzig or Henry Rollins”? I heard that over and over a while ago for some strange reason. > > I’d go with “Ditka!” \*\* Well, I chose Hugh Jackman because ever since I was a kid I always pictured him playing Wolverine if they ever made an X-Men movie and then Hugh Jackman ended up getting the part. As far as Glen Vs. Henry…hmmm, well theoretically Rollins would probably win but I think he’s scared of Danzig. P.S. - Extra special thanks to **Umbriel** for answering all those questions, that’s _exactly_ what I had in mind when I started this thread 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/13 "2002-08-21T18:28:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cisco \* > \*\* > Well, I chose Hugh Jackman because ever since I was a kid I always pictured him playing Wolverine \*\* “him” meaning Danzig of course, not Jackman. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/14 "2002-08-24T07:30:35Z")
[Super Nerd mode] Imperial Star Destroyer! Beats all! Yay for 200GT HTL’s! [/Super Nerd mode] ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/15 "2002-08-24T16:51:52Z")
Species 8472 vs the Yuuzan Vong Angel vs Nicolas Knight Blade vs Darth Vader John McClane vs Martin Riggs Aeon Flux vs Trinity Captain John Sheridan vs Captain Benjamin Sisko Jaws vs OddJob The Smoking Man vs Sandoval Obi-Wan Kenobi vs Gandalf Batman vs Darth Maul Cobra Commander vs Dr. evil Red Dwarf’s Rimmer vs Voyager’s EMH Judge Dredd vs Boba Fett ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/16 "2002-08-24T22:01:28Z")
I gotta go with Martha over Chris Lowell. She’s an icy cold bitch, I think. Especially when she gets out of the big house. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/17 "2002-08-24T23:18:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by El Elvis Rojo \* > \*\*Parker Lewis. > > He just can’t lose! \*\* Ha ha ha ha!😛 That’s some funny stuff Elvis! ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/18 "2002-08-24T23:30:18Z")
[M&Ms vs Skittles](http://www.teemings.com/euty/writings/fight.html) ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/19 "2002-08-25T05:18:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enola Straight \* > \*\*Species 8472 vs the Yuuzan Vong > Angel vs Nicolas Knight > Blade vs Darth Vader > John McClane vs Martin Riggs > Aeon Flux vs Trinity > Captain John Sheridan vs Captain Benjamin Sisko > Jaws vs OddJob > The Smoking Man vs Sandoval > Obi-Wan Kenobi vs Gandalf > Batman vs Darth Maul > Cobra Commander vs Dr. evil > Red Dwarf’s Rimmer vs Voyager’s EMH > Judge Dredd vs Boba Fett \*\* 1. 1. Cause I don’t know who Yuuzan is… 2. Angel. He looks tougher and from what I’ve seen has been in more fights. 3. Vader, got the force and a lightsaber. Duh… 4. I’ll go with Martin. I like his name more. 5. Trinity. Why not? 6. Ben. Cause once again I have no idea who the other is. 7. Jaws, no contest. 8. Smoking Man. Cancer has given him super powers! 9. Obi. Lightsabre, force. 10. I’d love to say Batman cause hes so cool, but Maul. Force, lightsabre. 11. Dr.Evil in a fight? Ha! Well. I guess he would fight dirty but… Naw… 12.Rimmer. Just knocks off the mobile emitter. 12. Yeah thats funny, like Dredd has a chance. Ha, real funny. ---
**Author:** ![Drudgery\_With\_Intent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Drudgery\_With\_Intent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drudgery_With_Intent)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528/20 "2002-08-25T09:44:36Z")
Gandhi vs. Mother Theresa The Flash vs. The Invisible Man The Pot vs. The Kettle [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/124528.md?page=2)