# Who would win in a fight... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 13, 2016, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729 "2016-08-13T23:17:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/1 "2016-08-13T23:17:23Z")
Teddy Roosevelt in his prime with an axe vs. Eisenhower with a ball peen hammer? NEED ANSWER FAST!!! (ok, not really) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/2 "2016-08-13T23:32:01Z")
Pfft, Roosevelt don’t need no axe. So badass he [beat down an armed cowboy](http://www.correctionhistory.org/html/chronicl/sheriff/ch17.htm) in a bar fight. So bass he starts a speech with _“Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible. I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.”_ So badass that when he died the VP at the time said _“Death had to take him in his sleep, for if he was awake there’d have been a fight.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/3 "2016-08-13T23:32:41Z")
Roosevelt would kill, stuff, and have his photo taken with Eisenhower’s corpse. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/4 "2016-08-13T23:36:57Z")
You imply Ike is not in his prime. That, and giving Teddy an ax makes it an easy victory for him. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/5 "2016-08-13T23:40:05Z")
Reverse the weapons, and Teddy still wins. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/6 "2016-08-13T23:42:52Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > You imply Ike is not in his prime. That, and giving Teddy an ax makes it an easy victory for him. Sorry, posting from my phone which is being resource-choked by pokemon go. I meant to say both in their prime. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/7 "2016-08-13T23:53:03Z")
Ok, let’s now say that Eisenhower can tag-out and/or team up with Patton with a hacksaw (in his prime, of course). ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/8 "2016-08-13T23:56:51Z")
You give Ike a golf club and then we’ll talk. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/9 "2016-08-13T23:57:52Z")
Teddy always wins. You can’t hit a man wearing glasses. ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/10 "2016-08-14T00:17:18Z")
Now, if you want to talk prime Teddy vs. prime Abe Lincoln, that might at least be an interesting fight. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/11 "2016-08-14T00:30:36Z")
> [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](#): > > Now, if you want to talk prime Teddy vs. prime Abe Lincoln, that might at least be an interesting fight. The vampire hunting Abe variety? ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/12 "2016-08-14T00:41:42Z")
The standard issue Abe -while a young man - was known for feats of strength and as a nigh-unbeatable wrestler, who lost only once in something like 300 matches. His reach advantage gave lots of guys problems, just as it might for mighty Teddy. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/13 "2016-08-14T00:44:57Z")
All Teddy needs is a big stick. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/14 "2016-08-14T00:46:15Z")
> [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](#): > > The standard issue Abe -while a young man - was known for feats of strength and as a nigh-unbeatable wrestler, who lost only once in something like 300 matches. His reach advantage gave lots of guys problems, just as it might for mighty Teddy. Huh, the stuff you learn from the dumbest of threads…go Dope! ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/15 "2016-08-14T05:36:52Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Huh, the stuff you learn from the dumbest of threads…go Dope! Yeah. Kinda like finding a pearl in pelican shit. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/16 "2016-08-14T13:01:25Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > **Who would win in a fight…** > > Teddy Roosevelt in his prime Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/17 "2016-08-14T14:14:09Z")
> [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](#): > > The standard issue Abe -while a young man - was known for feats of strength and as a nigh-unbeatable wrestler, who lost only once in something like 300 matches. His reach advantage gave lots of guys problems, just as it might for mighty Teddy. Lincoln was once challenged to a duel, and as the challenged party was entitled to select the weapons. Instead of pistols, as his challenger probably expected, Lincoln insisted on Scottish broadswords… with the duel fought in a 10X10 pit. The challenge was withdrawn. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/18 "2016-08-14T15:53:28Z")
[del]Lincoln single-handedly repelled a Kardashian invasion of Illinois.[/del] nm ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2016, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/19 "2016-08-15T14:10:41Z")
Ike just needs to assure the battle is fought on a pollen-filled field. Teddy’s asthma will give Ike the win. ---
**Author:** ![DeptfordX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DeptfordX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeptfordX)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2016, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729/20 "2016-08-17T20:00:42Z")
Nah, you’re all wrong. Teddy Roosevelt vs Andrew Jackson. Now _that’s_ a fight. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-in-a-fight/762729.md?page=2)