# Who would win these fights **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816 "2013-05-20T13:46:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![e.fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@e.fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/e.fred)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/1 "2013-05-20T13:46:20Z")
Grizzlly Bear vs Great White Shark in 7 ft deep pool Navy Seal with Combat Knife vs Enrage Wolf Spartan Warrior with shield and sword vs Jaguar Tasmanian Devil vs Wolverine Velociraptor vs Black Rhino 3 cougars vs Male Lion Hippo vs Cape Buffalo 2 Vikings vs Gorilla 5 wolverines vs Polar Bear Ninja high on cocaine vs Drunk Chimpanzee ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/2 "2013-05-20T13:50:16Z")
Is this some weird homework assignment? I want to take that class! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/3 "2013-05-20T13:55:03Z")
> [@e.fred](#): > > 3 cougars vs Male Lion Maybe I’m confusing this with other facts I know about lions, which are admittedly few, but isn’t it true that male lions can’t fight for shit? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/4 "2013-05-20T14:13:08Z")
I can’t possibly make that sort of judgement without _at least_ 100 links about each matchup. ---
**Author:** ![AlaskanMatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@AlaskanMatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlaskanMatt)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/5 "2013-05-20T14:27:20Z")
**Grizzlly Bear** vs Great White Shark in 7 ft deep pool _(I’m Alaskan and have seen bears swim. They are pretty good at it, but wouldn’t have a chance against a great white in 7 ft of water.)_ **Navy Seal with Combat Knife** vs Enrage Wolf _(A tough one, but since it’s a 1-on-1 battle I would have to go with the Seal. If it were multiple wolves, I would change my vote.)_ Spartan Warrior with shield and sword vs **Jaguar** _(If the Spartan had a longer-range weapon like a spear I would lean in favor of him, but close-quarters fighting due to the sword means the Jaguar is going to get close enough for the kill, IMO.)_ Tasmanian Devil vs **Wolverine** \*(Wolverines are another animal I’ve seen in Alaska. They are insane.) \* **Velociraptor** vs Black Rhino _(I’ll take the velociraptor. Predator vs prey. The rhino would put up a fight, though.)_ **3 cougars** vs Male Lion _(Assuming we are talking about the animal cougars and not the “older women looking for younger men” cougars, this one is easy. The numbers game works too strongly against the lone lion.)_ **Hippo** vs Cape Buffalo \*(Hippos are terrifying.) \* **2 Vikings** vs Gorilla _(Without having any information about the Vikings’ gear, I will assume the typical armor, shield, and sword. This is a close one, but having 2 armed Vikings is a big advantage. If it was 1-on-1 I might take the gorilla.)_ 5 wolverines vs **Polar Bear** \*(Another tough one. I’ll take the Polar Bear. The wolverines would inflict some serious damage, but it would take some time, during which I see the polar bear picking off the wolverines one at a time. Wolverines are ferocious, but all it takes is one paw-swipe from a polar bear.) \* **Ninja high on cocaine** vs Drunk Chimpanzee _(The ninja, if for no other reason than the mental picture of a drunk chimp is very annoying.)_ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/6 "2013-05-20T14:30:10Z")
No one wins these fights. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/7 "2013-05-20T14:37:37Z")
I’ll take PETA for the win, Bob. ---
**Author:** ![e.fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@e.fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/e.fred)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/8 "2013-05-20T15:39:10Z")
Werewolf vs Sasquatch 5 Pit Bulls vs Siberian Tiger Honey badger vs Enraged Baboon Komodo Dragon vs Alligator ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/9 "2013-05-20T16:08:41Z")
Mr. fred, let’s keep these type of questions/speculations contained to one thread, please. I’m merging two threads. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/10 "2013-05-20T16:16:40Z")
Grizzlly Bear vs Great White Shark in 7 ft deep pool - Shark Navy Seal with Combat Knife vs Enrage Wolf - Seal Spartan Warrior with shield and sword vs Jaguar - Spartan Tasmanian Devil vs Wolverine - Wolverine Velociraptor vs Black Rhino - Rhino (you know velociraptors are tiny right?) 3 cougars vs Male Lion - Lion Hippo vs Cape Buffalo - Toss up 2 Vikings vs Gorilla - Gorilla 5 wolverines vs Polar Bear - Polar bear Ninja high on cocaine vs Drunk Chimpanzee - Depends on level of inebriation in both ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/11 "2013-05-20T16:59:16Z")
Where is My Lord when you need him? ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/12 "2013-05-20T17:00:01Z")
This is My Lord. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/13 "2013-05-20T17:23:01Z")
Grizzlly Bear vs Great White Shark in 7 ft deep pool - Shark Assuming the pool is big enough for the shark to maneuver, he’s too big and his jaws are just too big. The bear can’t hurt him enough to stop him. Navy Seal with Combat Knife vs Enrage Wolf - Seal If the wolf gets close enough to bite the seal he gets a fatal wound from the knife. Spartan Warrior with shield and sword vs Jaguar - Spartan If the jaguar gets close enough to bite the Spartan he gets a fatal wound from the sword. Tasmanian Devil vs Wolverine - Wolverine Wolverine is bigger, probably more vicious. Velociraptor vs Black Rhino - Rhino You know velociraptors are tiny right? One would be nothing but an annoyance to a Rhino. 3 cougars vs Male Lion - Lion Cougars are dumber than lions and don’t cooperate. The lion is much bigger and can kill a cougar with a single blow. The cougars just get killed one by one. Hippo vs Cape Buffalo - Toss up I’ll lean toward the Buffalo now. He may be more maneuverable and he has horns. Hippo’s best chance is to knock him over and stomp him. 2 Vikings vs Gorilla - Gorilla Unarmed the Vikings have no chance, the gorilla is too strong and too fast. 5 wolverines vs Polar Bear - Polar bear Polar bear is just too big, can kill a wolverine with a single blow. Wolverines can’t do much damage to the bear even if they cooperate. Ninja high on cocaine vs Drunk Chimpanzee - Depends on level of inebriation in both Most entertaining of these matchups. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/14 "2013-05-20T17:26:19Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Maybe I’m confusing this with other facts I know about lions, which are admittedly few, but isn’t it true that male lions can’t fight for shit? Quite untrue. Lionesses do most of the _hunting_, but lions can and do fight off intruders and competing predators; being larger and having built-in neck armour, they’re better suited for this just as they’re less fitted for chasing down prey. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/15 "2013-05-20T17:35:10Z")
Ah. Yeah, and I think I might have also read or overheard in a bar that they’re also fans of ambushing and/or letting hyenas do all their dirty work. Lazy bastards! But right, that doesn’t mean they can’t fight if in a brawl. Next matchup: Mega Man vs Hitler ---
**Author:** ![e.fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@e.fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/e.fred)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/16 "2013-05-20T17:39:39Z")
3 Bruce Lee clones vs Yeti 20 insane squirrels vs Wolverine 10 rabid racoons vs 2 Bobcats Wooly Mammoth vs 3 Giganthopithecus’s 5 Steven Seagal Clones vs William Wallace, Wild Bill Hickok, Ghenghis Khan, Sun Tzu, Alexander the Great (no weapons) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/17 "2013-05-20T17:46:42Z")
Bruce Lee clones; gotta love the squirrels; Bobcat fever; Giganthopitheci; and Steven Seagal falls to the fact that the other guys aren’t actors. (Pause for the response: and Steven Seagal IS?) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/18 "2013-05-20T18:09:39Z")
Hippo vs Cape Buffalo - Hippo by a street. I’ve seen rhino vs Cape buffalo on youtube and the buffalo got fatally beaten. The hippo may not have horns but it has nasty incisors and canines, is habitually aggressive, and has a huge edge in mass. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/19 "2013-05-20T18:18:22Z")
Hippos are not to fucked with. They are a solid 3 tons of surprisingly quick orneriness. Hippos are essentially the Incredible Hulk of the animal world. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816/20 "2013-05-20T22:57:37Z")
Been there, done that…and here I am to post about it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-win-these-fights/658816.md?page=2)