# Who would you have sex with if you knew that they had herpes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927 "2003-04-24T19:19:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/1 "2003-04-24T19:19:56Z")
I was reading the thread about “your indecent proposal price” and I got to thinking… So: Who would you have sex with if you knew for certain that they had genitile herpes? It’s not fatal as far as I know, but it is pretty nasty and doesn’t ever go away so there is no danger of dying, just of never getting laid again. ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/2 "2003-04-24T19:21:59Z")
Nobody. I don’t need sex that bad from anybody. Ick. Hell, I wouldn’t kiss someone if I knew they got cold sores either. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/3 "2003-04-24T19:40:02Z")
Does your world not include things like condoms? ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/4 "2003-04-24T19:47:29Z")
I don’t know about genital herpes, but once in South Korea we had a briefing from a doctor from the Deep South who warned us of the dangers of Gentile Herpes. Definately not kosher. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/5 "2003-04-24T19:47:29Z")
This question came up among a group of my friends recently, oddly enough. A friend of ours got herpes recently. If someone had a lot to offer, could see someone considering risking it. But our friend doesn’t really. He’s an okay guy, but nothing special, nothing that special. Its sad, really sad… Yet another reason to use protection and care during sex. Personally, I don’t know. If Vin Diesel were brilliant, kind, gentle, witty, brilliant and head over heels in love with/devoted to me…that might be enough. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/6 "2003-04-24T20:07:16Z")
Hi. I’m Olentzero. I have genital herpes. Herpes, while inconvenient and sometimes painful, are not the devastating curse to one’s sex life like they used to be. In general, there is no real damage or serious side effects apart from the sores, and even those don’t appear frequently or regularly. There are excellent anti-viral medications out there that dramatically reduce (but, however, do not totally eliminate) the shedding of the herpes virus, and thus the chance of transmission to a partner. Yes, there is still no cure, but medicine’s advanced enough to allow herpetic folks like myself to have a normal, relatively risk-free sex life. The key, of course, is complete honesty on your part and informed consent on your partner’s part. Even then, in cases like my own, it’s possible to catch the virus despite your best efforts not to. Such is life. But hell if I’m gonna stand aside and watch fellow herpetics get dissed out of hand just because they have nothing more than a cold sore. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/7 "2003-04-24T20:23:50Z")
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the herpes that gives a cold sore on the mouth. It comes around about once every 6 to 12 months, usually when I get stressed. With a prescription, the sore is gone in about a week. Without a prescription, about 2 weeks. IANAD, but I understand it’s not contagious except during those periodic brief flare-ups. It flared up a couple months ago. I told my gf, no kissing until it’s gone (about a week). She was and is fine with it. It’s not like leprosy or HIV, fer cryin’ out loud. To answer the OP, if I knew there was no flare up at the time, and I used protection, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Marko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@El\_Marko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Marko)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/8 "2003-04-24T20:31:11Z")
Pam Anderson! Oh wait, she already does (Doesn’t she?). Never mind… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/9 "2003-04-24T22:43:22Z")
Guys, IANAD, but just to be clear, condoms do not provide 100% protection, or even the degree of protection they provide from other STD’s, as herpes is transmitted via skin contact, not bodily fluid exchange per se. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/10 "2003-04-24T22:49:20Z")
Right, but as long as herpes having person isnt having an outbreak, you should be fine. And Pam Anderson has Hep-B, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/11 "2003-04-25T00:18:21Z")
True, but it’s possible to be in the midst of an outbreak and not know it. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/12 "2003-04-25T00:26:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by My Darn Snake Legs \* > \*\* > > So: Who would you have sex with if you knew for certain that they had genitile herpes?\*\* Um, Mr. Cameron, for one. > [@](#): > > \*\* It’s not fatal as far as I know, but it is pretty nasty and doesn’t ever go away so there is no danger of dying, just of never getting laid again. \*\* For pete’s sake, it’s a freaking cold sore. Okay, so I see Olentzero has already stepped up to the plate, but sheesh. During an outbreak, condoms won’t do the trick. Do not have sex with someone you know is having an outbreak. If you or your partner has herpes, and you’re pregnant, be sure and tell the doctor, because it can be dangerous to babies (just like kissing a newborn when you have a cold sore would be)–but all they do is look to be sure they don’t see any signs of an outbreak. If they do, it’s C-section time. I delivered both of the paidhi kids vaginally, they’re perfectly healthy. I have never had an outbreak, that I know of. When Mr. Cameron feels one coming on, we just don’t until things have cleared up. It’s that simple, folks. A cold sore, that’s it. Get some perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/13 "2003-04-25T00:30:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eva Luna \* > \*\*True, but it’s possible to be in the midst of an outbreak and not know it. \*\* That’s true, but generally there are signs, even days before. Mr. Cameron, for instance, gets a distinctive pain in his leg. Sometimes he gets it and doesn’t see a sore, but we still treat the next couple of weeks as though he were broken out. You have to be able to trust the person to know how their bodies react. And, of course, there’s always that small risk. But contracting herpes doesn’t mean you’ll never get laid again, or your life is ruined, or you’re doomed to pass it on to every sexual partner. It just means you have to be responsible, and honest. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/14 "2003-04-25T02:24:38Z")
> [@](#): > > So: Who would you have sex with if you knew for certain that they had genitile herpes? It’s not fatal as far as I know, but it is pretty nasty and doesn’t ever go away so there is no danger of dying, just of never getting laid again. Sure you can get laid, just seek out other people who have genital herpes also. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/15 "2003-04-25T02:51:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > \*\*Herpes, while inconvenient and sometimes painful, are not the devastating curse to one’s sex life like they used to be. In general, there is no real damage or serious side effects apart from the sores, and even those don’t appear frequently or regularly. \*\* Exactly. I’ve had it for well over 15 years now, and have not had any problems with my sex life. I’ve told my partners about it, and have not yet had one decide that it was a deal-breaker. Nor have I ever passed it on to anyone, to my knowledge. I don’t have sex when I’m having an outbreak, and I know the signs when one is coming on. It’s not that big a deal. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/16 "2003-04-25T05:00:44Z")
Just for solidarity’s sake, I’ll chime in to say I’ve had it for close to 25 years now. I’ve also been married most of that time, and Mr. Legend has yet to have an outbreak. I’m sure that’s partially due to luck, but I’ll also chalk it up to caution and, for the past decade or so, excellent anti-viral meds. It’s not that bad, folks. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Spacegirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Spacegirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spacegirl)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/17 "2003-04-25T05:37:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bren\_Cameron \* > \*\* > A cold sore, that’s it. Get some perspective. \*\* Um…some of us still don’t want herpes, even if it is “just a cold sore.” ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/18 "2003-04-25T11:47:18Z")
Exactly. I don’t want Herpes, either. I am happily married to **Geobabe**. We are mindful of outbreaks and I am free of symptoms. I have to say, **My Darn Snake Legs** , I laughed almost every time I saw your screen name. The level of ignorance and insensitivity you showed in the OP has changed that. The [CDC](http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Fact_Sheets/facts_Genital_Herpes.htm) says > [@](#): > > Results of a recent, nationally representative study show that genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 45 million people ages 12 and older, or **one out of five** of the total adolescent and adult population, are infected with HSV-2. (bolding mine) You prolly annoyed a hell of a lot more people than you think. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/19 "2003-04-25T12:06:47Z")
So the correct answer is: “All of them, so long as they’re not in the middle of an outbreak.” C’mon, babes, I got it, you can have it, it’s PARTY TIME! …Whaddya mean, YOU don’t wanna have sex with ME!!! ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927/20 "2003-04-25T12:32:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ego\_Mk2 \* > \*\*Nobody. I don’t need sex that bad from anybody. Ick. Hell, I wouldn’t kiss someone if I knew they got cold sores either. \*\* actually, it is estimated that about 85% of the world’s population carries the HSV1 virus (which causes cold sores). good luck weeding out the 15% you _can_ smooch. :rolleyes: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-have-sex-with-if-you-knew-that-they-had-herpes/170927.md?page=2)