# Who would you like to have seen as a starship captain? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2011, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000 "2011-05-24T12:15:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/61 "2011-05-25T04:06:03Z")
Chuck Norris. Beard phasers. Captain Steven Seagal would be amusing too. WORF: “Captain, the Borg cube is approaching.” CAPTAIN SEAGAL: “Mumble mumble mumble.” WORF: “Excuse me?” SEAGAL: “Mumble grumble mmmf brrrrrrrgg.” DATA: “I believe he is ordering us to fire torpedoes, or possibly asking for a chicken caesar wrap.” SEAGAL: “Grumble mumble mumble.” TROI: “I’m sensing… nothing.” ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/62 "2011-05-25T04:25:30Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > _Mrs. Columbo._ Jesus, that’s frightening. > > Wasn’t Wang almost fired for being a _prima donna_, however you spell it? No. Either he or Lien were going to be cut to make room for Ryan, then he was chosen as one of People’s sexiest people, so he was spared. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/63 "2011-05-25T04:49:48Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Lt. DeSalle. Anybody that would bet credits to Navy [[URL=“http://www.hark.com/clips/drcjtdbdwl-but-ill-bet-you-credits-to-navy-beans”]beans](http://www.hark.com/clips/drcjtdbdwl-but-ill-bet-you-credits-to-navy-beans) needs to be a Captain. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/64 "2011-05-25T13:25:41Z")
Star Trek; Cybership Capt; Marvin the Paranoid Android First Officer; Bender Security; ED-209 Science; C3PO Engineering; R2D2 Medical; Kryten Computer voice/image; Holly (female) ---
**Author:** ![CorneaGenii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@CorneaGenii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CorneaGenii)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/65 "2011-05-25T14:06:09Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Captain Steven Seagal would be amusing too. > > WORF: “Captain, the Borg cube is approaching.” > > CAPTAIN SEAGAL: “Mumble mumble mumble.” > > WORF: “Excuse me?” > > SEAGAL: “Mumble grumble mmmf brrrrrrrgg.” > > DATA: “I believe he is ordering us to fire torpedoes, or possibly asking for a chicken caesar wrap.” > > SEAGAL: “Grumble mumble mumble.” > > TROI: “I’m sensing… nothing.” I now have to mop up my entrails after busting my gut from that visual. :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/66 "2011-05-25T15:07:12Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > For that matter, Cary Grant would have made a great slightly harried starship captain. Operation Petticoat: The Pink Years ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/67 "2011-05-25T17:20:33Z")
> [@Hades](#): > > No. Either he or Lien were going to be cut to make room for Ryan, then he was chosen as one of People’s sexiest people, so he was spared. He comes across as a really good guy at Dragon_Con, where he is now actually in charge of the Trek track. He got some really big names_ there last year, so he must not be hated too much. - among them: Auberjonois, Bakula, Beltran, Brooks, de Lancie, Forbes, Frakes, Shimerman, and Sirtis. No, it’s not Shatner, Nimoy, and Stewart, but they had just been in 2009. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/68 "2011-05-25T17:31:38Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > For that matter, Cary Grant would have made a great slightly harried starship captain. Hell, why not go with the cast of _Philadelphia Story_: Grant as Kirk, Katherine Hepburn as Spock and Jimmy Stewart as Bones. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/69 "2011-05-25T17:43:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Of course, I’d also have liked Janeway to not have been written as a bipolar, delusional, occasionally murderous harpy. Eh - there’s nothing wrong with having the captain written that way, especially if she gradually _becomes_ thus under the constant stress of survival in the Delta Quadrant. The problem is that none of the other characters ever _noticed_ Janeway was a murderous harpy, with very rare exceptions. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/70 "2011-05-25T17:51:28Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > For that matter, Cary Grant would have made a great slightly harried starship captain. He’s not [tough](http://drx.typepad.com/psychotherapyblog/2007/09/photo-of-the--3.html) enough. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/71 "2011-05-25T18:01:19Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Eh - there’s nothing wrong with having the captain written that way, especially if she gradually _becomes_ thus under the constant stress of survival in the Delta Quadrant. The problem is that none of the other characters ever _noticed_ Janeway was a murderous harpy, with very rare exceptions. Why should they? Aren’t they under the same pressures? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/72 "2011-05-25T18:08:04Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Eh - there’s nothing wrong with having the captain written that way, especially if she gradually _becomes_ thus under the constant stress of survival in the Delta Quadrant. The problem is that none of the other characters ever _noticed_ Janeway was a murderous harpy, with very rare exceptions. Except that she doesn’t \*gradually \*become that way. She veers back & forth between Kirkian recklessness, Picardian probity, Siskoesque ruthlessness, and Izarian wackiness. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/73 "2011-05-25T18:33:05Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Chuck Norris. Beard phasers. > > Captain Steven Seagal would be amusing too. > > WORF: “Captain, the Borg cube is approaching.” > > CAPTAIN SEAGAL: “Mumble mumble mumble.” > > WORF: “Excuse me?” > > SEAGAL: “Mumble grumble mmmf brrrrrrrgg.” > > DATA: “I believe he is ordering us to fire torpedoes, or possibly asking for a chicken caesar wrap.” > > SEAGAL: “Grumble mumble mumble.” > > TROI: “I’m sensing… nothing.” Imagine all the awesome fight scenes we’d get where Captain Seagal trades a couple punches with a Borg drone, then twists and breaks the drone’s neck, then trades punches with the next drone and twists and breaks _his_ neck. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/74 "2011-05-25T21:43:36Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Line officer vs. staff officer. (Though technically Spock and Scotty bridge the gap – more later on this). Of the TOS crew, Kirk was in command of the Enterprise, Spock his Executive Officer (second in command), Sulu an experienced line-officer crewman, and Chekov (no KH in Walter Koenig’s character’s name, unlike the Russian author) a new trainee. McCoy is senior medical officer on board, not a line officer and not eligible to command. Uhura is senior communications officer (not just "telephone operator; Nichelle Nichols made it quite clear that Uhura had advanced training in the care and feeding of subspace communications networks, etc.), and ditto for her. They’re high-ranking specialists. Each has Captain-rank (possibly Rear Admiral-rank) superiors back at Starfleet HQ to whom they report _as regards their specialty_. Likewise Scotty is chief engineer and Spock science officer. But these two specialties either are filled by line officers (likely in Spock’s case) or, more probably for Scotty, have line officer training as a part of their specialty so that they can assume command if and when the Captain and his Exec are both on an away party. In general correct (line vs support), but I would argue Uhura. Yes, she’s wearing red, which is Operations, not Command, but so is Scotty. In a traditional military, just because someone serves in one position doesn’t mean that’s the only discipline they will ever serve in. Using Weber’s Harrington novels as an example, someone might start as ensign of, say, navigation and get experience as the junior officer in that role, then get promoted to leutenant jg and shift to tactical, and then get moved to Intelligence and serve as an analyst, before getting promoted to a Staff position as the clerk for an Admiral. That way, they get lots of experience that shapes them for their eventual command. That makes much more sense than taking a guy, starting as junior helm, promoting him to senior helm, promoting him to Exec/Helm, and then finally making him Captain/Helmsman. Given that Spock wears blue even though he is Exec (and therefore in command line), and Scotty wears Red (even though Second officer and in command line), I see no problem that Uhura could have been the Communications Officer, but also eventually move on to a command position. On the other hand, her role _might_ have been a more technical discipline, and maybe even had Intelligence/Analyst aspects that are never mentioned but implied, and her career path was slated to a technical support discipline rather than command. > [@](#): > > In any case. Spock seems temperamentally to prefer being Science Officer under Kirk over having his own command. Yeah, though he had a few good excuses for delay. The time when he would have been first slated for promotion to Captain, he was busy on sabatical going through intense study on Vulcan for his emotional depurging. Then the whole lot of them got assigned to the Academy as training officers, and thus crewed the training vessel Enterprise to babysit the cadets. Then he died, and got reincarnated, and wasn’t quite himself. Not sure what happened once Kirk retired, but eventually he left Starfleet for a diplomatic career. > [@](#): > > Scotty’s next promotion would be to Fleet Engineer for a complete task force of multiple ships. Probably not because he couldn’t take the command role if he desired that track, but because his interests and skills would be taken into account in his promotion track. He might make an adequate captain of a vessel, but he’d be more interested in the engines than the crew. Rather put him in command of engineering personnel and development of new systems, overseeing fleets, etc. > [@](#): > > Remember too that we see the Alpha crew, the ones Kirk wants in place when facing a new problem (or dealing with a recurrence of an old one); presumably there are Beta and Gamma crews working the other shifts so the lead characters get time to eat, sleep, etc. That’s what ratings are for - all those guys running around in jumpsuits. They’re the enlisted personnel that were hidden in plain sight. > [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Chekov, as I understand it, was navigator, weapons officer and back-up science officer so… yes, kind of a muddled career path. Like I said, starts in one junior officer position, migrates job assignments as promotions in order to get a broader experience base. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/75 "2011-05-26T03:57:38Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Except that she doesn’t \*gradually \*become that way. She veers back & forth between Kirkian recklessness, Picardian probity, Siskoesque ruthlessness, and Izarian wackiness. I am in awe at this parade of Trekian descriptors. Well done, sir, well done! Uhura twice wore Command gold, in “The Corbomite Manuever” and “Mudd’s Women”: [Nyota Uhura | Memory Alpha | Fandom](http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Uhura#The_five-year_mission) ---
**Author:** ![Frau\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@Frau\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frau_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/76 "2011-05-26T04:39:59Z")
Viggo Mortensen Robert Patrick Annabeth Gish ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/77 "2011-05-26T14:07:35Z")
> [@Frau\_Blucher](#): > > Viggo Mortensen > > Robert Patrick > > Annabeth Gish Not bad. Someday you and I really must talk. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/78 "2011-05-26T18:28:50Z")
An amusing thread could be made about who would be the worst casting choices for captain: Keanu Reeves: “Captain! Romulan Warbirds uncloaking!” “Whoa!” Drew Barrymore: “If anyone neeeeeds me, I’ll totally be in my Ready Room.” Jerry Seinfeld: “What’s the deal with all these Tribbles?” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/79 "2011-05-26T19:00:08Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I am in awe at this parade of Trekian descriptors. Well done, sir, well done! Funny you should say that, as I wasn’t satisfied with it. Kirk wasn’t truly reckless; though he was a risk-taker with his own life if that was what it took to accomplish a mission, he didn’t like risking the lives of others. The nearest thing to true recklessness I can think of was his goading Spock into a fight in Jill Ireland episode; I thought by that point it should have been clear to him that the strength difference between him and Spock was too great for that to be a reasonable course of action. > [@](#): > > Uhura twice wore Command gold, in “The Corbomite Manuever” and “Mudd’s Women”: [Nyota Uhura | Memory Alpha | Fandom](http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Uhura#The_five-year_mission) Fanwanking on: I’m sure that the junior officers have to go from department to department during the course of their careers, just on general principles. Sulu was in botany for a while; it’s clear that Sisko came up through Engineering. In fact, I think anybody who aims to be a ship captain is going to be required to work in multiple ship’s department–possibly everything but Medicine. ---
**Author:** ![Frau\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@Frau\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frau_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000/80 "2011-05-26T19:06:27Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Not bad. Someday you and I really must talk. 😃 😃 Speaking of which, among the worst casting choices … Mel Brooks: “Gentlemen! Our mission is to protect our phoney baloney jobs!” Cloris Leachman: “Briefing room at 1700. Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.” Although, she would have been fun as Guinan. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-have-seen-as-a-starship-captain/583000.md?page=5)