# Who would you like to see River Tam beat up? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 8, 2012, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497 "2012-06-08T13:50:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/1 "2012-06-08T13:50:08Z")
Inspired by, [xkcd: Action Movies](http://xkcd.com/311/), of course. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/2 "2012-06-08T13:58:33Z")
Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/3 "2012-06-08T14:02:00Z")
Unfortunately, no option for “Who?” ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/4 "2012-06-08T14:02:02Z")
Joffrey. Especially since she’s a stupid, skinny girl. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/5 "2012-06-08T14:49:10Z")
You left off the most important answer, the one right there in the source of your inspiration: **RIVER TAM BEATS UP EVERYONE!** ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/6 "2012-06-08T14:58:15Z")
Evil Clone River Tam! ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/7 "2012-06-08T15:02:51Z")
I don’t even watch Burn Notice, but based on my Google results of trying to identify “Michael Westin and Fiona at once” that seems interesting. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tanbarkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@Tanbarkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanbarkie)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/8 "2012-06-08T15:07:59Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Joffrey. Especially since she’s a stupid, skinny girl. She wouldn’t need any fancy martial arts for that, though. The back of her hand would do nicely. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/9 "2012-06-08T15:10:26Z")
On the off chance people haven’t seen it, here’s my [favorite fan-made video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdXkGXD7gDc) ever. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/10 "2012-06-08T15:17:42Z")
> [@Tanbarkie](#): > > She wouldn’t need any fancy martial arts for that, though. The back of her hand would do nicely. Though I would like to see her kill him with her brain. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/11 "2012-06-08T15:41:02Z")
I can’t believe geeks would actually be willing to see that movie. Its title font is obviously _Papyrus_. According to what the internets have told me, use of Papyrus as a title font is the entire reason that the movie _Avatar_ was so horrible. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/12 "2012-06-08T15:48:25Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Joffrey. Especially since she’s a stupid, skinny girl. Came in here just to say this. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/13 "2012-06-08T15:55:26Z")
Well, now we are in my type of scenario – I like catfights a lot, and I love seeing sexy women getting KOed, as long as it doesn’t look realistic, with blood and bruises, etc. So I voted for Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider! (I would also like to see River Tam KO my heroine, Panther Girl, or any of my sexy female characters, but they aren’t widely known, of course…) ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/14 "2012-06-08T16:39:23Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Unfortunately, no option for “Who?” Yeah, I had to Google the name, she is a character from Firefly. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/15 "2012-06-08T16:49:54Z")
Joss Whedon. I love you, Joss, but legions of fans cry out for vengeance. You’ve broken our hearts too many times. And you killed Giles in Season 8 of the comics just because you felt like being a dick. So, unfortunately, River is going to have to kick your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/16 "2012-06-08T17:25:55Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > Yeah, I had to Google the name, she is a character from Firefly. And you’re a better man for it 🙂 (or lady) ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/17 "2012-06-08T18:50:36Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Joss Whedon. > > I love you, Joss, but legions of fans cry out for vengeance. You’ve broken our hearts too many times. And you killed Giles [del] in Season 8 of the comics[/del] just because you felt like being a dick. So, unfortunately, River is going to have to kick your ass. (strikethrough added by me) You forgot a few names on that list there. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/18 "2012-06-08T18:54:58Z")
I’d kinda like to see her square off against the “Cameron” terminator. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/19 "2012-06-08T19:12:24Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > (strikethrough added by me) > > You forgot a few names on that list there. _Most_ of the rest I can handle happening for dramatic purposes. But the one I listed was just mean, and Joss admits it. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/20 "2012-06-08T19:36:46Z")
This board really needs a “+1” button. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497.md?page=2)