# Who would you like to see River Tam beat up? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 8, 2012, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497 "2012-06-08T13:50:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/21 "2012-06-08T20:56:33Z")
I voted for Wesley, as i am old-school. But I would have liked to write in Squirrel Girl. In a tub of butter. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/22 "2012-06-08T21:31:57Z")
I voted Hannah Montana, but really it was a vote for Miley Cyrus. Surprised at the votes for Aslan. No one beats up Aslan unless Aslan lets them. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/23 "2012-06-09T01:10:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Surprised at the votes for Aslan. No one beats up Aslan unless Aslan lets them. I just want to be at a safe distance when **Skald** sees this thread. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/24 "2012-06-09T02:43:39Z")
[Mitch McConnell](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_McConnell) ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/25 "2012-06-09T02:49:14Z")
Shatner. William Shatner. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/26 "2012-06-09T08:28:38Z")
Dale Gribble ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/27 "2012-06-09T11:38:45Z")
The president of Fox’ programming department. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/28 "2012-06-09T11:58:21Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#): > > Well, now we are in my type of scenario – I like catfights a lot, and I love seeing sexy women getting KOed, as long as it doesn’t look realistic, with blood and bruises, etc. So I voted for Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider! > > (I would also like to see River Tam KO my heroine, Panther Girl, or any of my sexy female characters, but they aren’t widely known, of course…) My logic exactly. I even want someone well matched, so the fight doens’t end quickly. Why waste River Tam on just someone you hate? There are lots of fictional character that can take them out. Invisible woman would be better if they were evenly matched, but they aren’t. The only incarnations of IW I’ve seen either completely can’t fight worth anything or would be way too superpowered. Assuming, of course, that River can see her–otherwise there’s no fight at all. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/29 "2012-06-09T12:49:09Z")
I could watch Jar Jar Binks get smacked around for 90 minutes and not be bored. George Lucas could use a good ass kicking as well. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/30 "2012-06-09T22:11:26Z")
> [@](#): > > The only incarnations of IW I’ve seen… Isn’t that kind of missing the point? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/31 "2012-06-09T22:18:57Z")
Russell Crowe. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/32 "2012-06-11T00:44:18Z")
“Whom.” And as a feat of awesomeness, I’m going to say that beating Sue Storm while invisible probably beats beating up some random lion from Narnia. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/33 "2012-06-11T00:46:38Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > I voted Hannah Montana, but really it was a vote for Miley Cyrus. > > Surprised at the votes for Aslan. No one beats up Aslan unless Aslan lets them. Aslan? No, the poll said, “that lion from Narnia.” You know, the other lion, background character, never got his name. Aslan! Don’t be ridiculous! ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/34 "2012-06-11T01:28:29Z")
Voted for Lara Croft because oh my good lord that would be the greatest fight ever to watch. Or on a similar note, River Tam fighting Mr. and Mrs. Smith (while the couple bickers, of course) or the entire Fraternity from Wanted. If River ends up on the Enterprise, I think we all know it’s Worf who is gonna get beat up. That’s how it works on that show. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/35 "2012-06-11T03:42:55Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > If River ends up on the Enterprise, I think we all know it’s Worf who is gonna get beat up. That’s how it works on that show. Nah, it’s a crossover. We can give Brent some props to show android damage on Data and have\* him \*get beat up. Make it special. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/36 "2012-06-11T04:48:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Aslan? No, the poll said, “that lion from Narnia.” You know, the other lion, background character, never got his name. Aslan! Don’t be ridiculous! Oh, of course, the one that was turned to stone in the White Witch’s courtyard. ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/37 "2012-06-11T04:54:06Z")
Joss Whedon should be an option in this poll… I pick that! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/38 "2012-06-11T05:03:27Z")
Me, assuming she would then nurse me back to health. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/39 "2012-06-11T05:17:23Z")
How about River Tam versus Cameron from the Sarah Conner Chronicles? Did that get picked yet? ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2012, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497/40 "2012-06-11T05:43:32Z")
Sorry for the hijack, but since this thread is tangentially about Summer Glau, I just have to mention how I saw Sigourney Weaver the other day and realized how much they look alike. I’ll bet dollars to donuts that Sigourney looks more like Summer’s mother than her _real_ mom. If they ever need a mother/daughter casting that can kick ass and take names, THAT is the way to go. Any casting directors reading this can PM me for details about where to send my commission check. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-like-to-see-river-tam-beat-up/624497.md?page=3)