# Who would you save? Anne Hathaway or Natalie Portman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272 "2012-12-17T03:56:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/1 "2012-12-17T03:56:31Z")
Yeah, the drowning scenario that’s in a couple of other threads. For me, it’s Anne all the way. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/2 "2012-12-17T03:57:41Z")
I’d save Anne Hathaway because it would be more difficult to train Natalie Portman to carry me into battle. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/3 "2012-12-17T04:01:27Z")
Okay, I laughed. Out loud. Nice one. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/4 "2012-12-17T04:10:44Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’d save Anne Hathaway because it would be more difficult to train Natalie Portman to carry me into battle. She’s supposed to be very smart, which in theory should mean teachable. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/5 "2012-12-17T04:14:50Z")
I’d like to be professional about it. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/6 "2012-12-17T04:15:49Z")
I forgot to mention. Your sister’s girlfriend’s cousin a 2nd cousin to Anne. Your brother’s shop teacher is boinking Natalie’s hairdresser. Change anything? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/7 "2012-12-17T04:17:20Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > I’d like to be professional about it. Well, if you have a Smart phone you can look up the grosses of their last few films to try saving the most valuable. But… they die as you’re trying to do the math. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/8 "2012-12-17T04:45:03Z")
Whichever one’s closest. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/9 "2012-12-17T04:51:38Z")
No, just like the other threads, they’re equidistant, but in different directions so you can’t save both. Would it matter if one of them wasn’t wearing panties? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/10 "2012-12-17T04:54:32Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > No, just like the other threads, they’re equidistant, but in different directions so you can’t save both. > > Would it matter if one of them wasn’t wearing panties? Nah. I’d be using the cross-chest carry, not the tired swimmer’s assist. Now, if one of them wasn’t wearing a shirt or bra… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/11 "2012-12-17T05:00:15Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’d save Anne Hathaway because it would be more difficult to train Natalie Portman to carry me into battle. What, are you kidding? Natalie was born Jewish in Jerusalem. She’ll go into battle _for_ me. It’s Natalie all the way. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/12 "2012-12-17T05:01:27Z")
Gary Oldman once shot at a woman near [Reno](http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0110413/) just to watch her die. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/13 "2012-12-17T05:04:30Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Gary Oldman once shot at a woman near Reno just to watch her die. Was she wearing panties? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/14 "2012-12-17T05:06:50Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Was she wearing panties? He. Gary Oldman is a man. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/15 "2012-12-17T05:10:32Z")
Duh. The woman he shot. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/16 "2012-12-17T05:12:18Z")
Well, I know next to nothing about Gary Oldman’s sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/17 "2012-12-17T05:14:10Z")
I think he shot her with his panties. Just aimed them like a rubber band and let fly. She had to wear a lace bandage. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/18 "2012-12-17T05:18:52Z")
Hmmm… I wonder which of them Gary would save. And which Jesus would save? And would the panty thing matter to Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/19 "2012-12-17T05:30:22Z")
I am not a biblical scholar, but I’m not sure I’ve heard if Jesus was a cross-dresser. ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272/20 "2012-12-17T05:53:49Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I am not a biblical scholar, but I’m not sure I’ve heard if Jesus was a cross-dresser. Do you think he was wearing panties under that gown? That outfit looks more like a dress than a pair of pants. And he was never seen with a prom date. Definite tranny. I’d save Natalie. But if her gratitude wasn’t voluminous and unbridled (and she didn’t shave her head first), I’d feed her to my baby panda. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-would-you-save-anne-hathaway-or-natalie-portman/644272.md?page=2)