# Who'd win the following death matches? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 11, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641 "2005-02-11T20:08:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/1 "2005-02-11T20:08:46Z")
Norman Bates vs. Hannibal Lecter? Leatherface & his family vs. the C.H.U.D.s? the Blair Witch vs. Samara (ghost girl from “the Ring”?) Captain Howdy (a.k.a. Pazzuzu) vs. the “Evil Dead” spirits? Damien Thorn vs. Rosemary’s Baby? Barnabas Collins vs. Lestat? the Living Dead vs. “rage” virus victims? Cthulhu & the Old Ones vs. Pinhead & the Cenobites (wouldn’t that make a great band name BTW?) Carrie White vs. the psychopathic Vampire Slayer from Angel s.5? (what was her name? The one that sawed off Spike’s arms?) the Borg vs. the Daleks? the Cylons vs. the Cybermen? ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/2 "2005-02-11T21:21:13Z")
Leela from Doctor Who Vs Leela from Futurama ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/3 "2005-02-11T22:29:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Norman Bates vs. Hannibal Lecter? Lecter. He’s smarter and stronger than Bates. Heck, He’d probably just talk Bates into killing himself. > [@](#): > > Leatherface & his family vs. the C.H.U.D.s? Tough one, but the Chud’s have the numbers, so I’ll give it to them. > [@](#): > > the Blair Witch vs. Samara (ghost girl from “the Ring”?) The Blair witch’s powers weren’t well defined, but I’ll give it to Samara. Especially if the Blair witch has a T.V. > [@](#): > > Captain Howdy (a.k.a. Pazzuzu) vs. the “Evil Dead” spirits? Pazzuzu has powers including telekinesis, and he has intelligence, so he wins. > [@](#): > > Damien Thorn vs. Rosemary’s Baby? Well seeing as they’re both the antichrist, this question could be posed as antichrist v. antichrist. So it’s a draw. > [@](#): > > Barnabas Collins vs. Lestat? Don’t know enough about Dark Shadows to answer this. > [@](#): > > the Living Dead vs. “rage” virus victims? Haven’t seen 28 days later, but the rage virus victims seemed to be a lot faster than the Living dead. At least the LD’s from the original movies. > [@](#): > > Cthulhu & the Old Ones vs. Pinhead & the Cenobites? This is easy. All Cthulu or Yog-Sothoth would have to do is sneeze and that would be that for the Cenobites. > [@](#): > > Carrie White vs. the psychopathic Vampire Slayer from Angel s.5? I’m not sure if you’re talking about Faith or Glory. If Faith, then I’d give it to Carrie, who has telepathy. Glory–who was a hellgod, not a slayer–was very very hard to kill, and has minions. She might be able to take Carrie. When did Spike get his arms sawed off? 😕 > [@](#): > > the Borg vs. the Daleks? The Borg. They can negotiate stairs and will quickly realize that the Daleks–the lamest villains of all time–can be neutralized by throwing blankets over them. > [@](#): > > the Cylons vs. the Cybermen? The Cylons are much faster and stronger. see previous answer. > [@](#): > > Leela from Doctor Who Vs Leela from Futurama? They’re both good fighters so I’ll give it to Doctor Who Leela, since she has depth perception. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/4 "2005-02-11T22:50:03Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > Norman Bates vs. Hannibal Lecter? Bates has the chops, but Lecter is much smarter and actually sane. Lecter in five rounds, just because he’d want to toy with Bates. > [@](#): > > Leatherface & his family vs. the C.H.U.D.s? CHUDS! They’ve got the swarm thing going on. Plus, they’ve got an acronym. Never bet against the acronym. CHUDS in seven rounds. > [@](#): > > the Blair Witch vs. Samara (ghost girl from “the Ring”?) Samara is much scarier, but the Blair Witch, being from the past, doesn’t watch TV. Thus, Samara is powerless. Blair Witch in one round. > [@](#): > > Captain Howdy (a.k.a. Pazzuzu) vs. the “Evil Dead” spirits? Evil Dead spirits in one round. > [@](#): > > Damien Thorn vs. Rosemary’s Baby? This is a tough one. Are we to assume that they are both sons of Satan? I’ll say Rosemary’s Baby in a 15-round split decision. > [@](#): > > Barnabas Collins vs. Lestat? Much as a hate to say it, Lestat is clearly the more powerful vampire. Lestat wins in round one. > [@](#): > > the Living Dead vs. “rage” virus victims? The Living Dead, because they’re, well, dead, while the Rage virus victims are still alive. Living Dead outlast the Ragers in 15 rounds. > [@](#): > > Cthulhu & the Old Ones vs. Pinhead & the Cenobites (wouldn’t that make a great band name BTW?) Dude! Cthulhu is a freakin’ fifty-foot squid thingy from beyond the moon! No contest. Cthulhu will eat Pinhead first. > [@](#): > > Carrie White vs. the psychopathic Vampire Slayer from Angel s.5? (what was her name? The one that sawed off Spike’s arms?) I’ve always had a soft spot for Carrie. Never bet against telekenisis. Carrie in eight. > [@](#): > > the Borg vs. the Daleks? I loves me some Daleks, but seeing as how the Borg can climb stairs, I’m going to have to go with assimilation over extermination. Borg in ten, but how do tell if a Dalek has been assimilated? > [@](#): > > the Cylons vs. the Cybermen? The old school Cylons were pretty ineffective, while the old school Cybermen actually invaded Earth. However, the Cylon’s space fleet is much more potent than anything we’ve seen from the Cybermen. I’m calling this one a draw. > [@Peter Morris](#): > > Leela from Doctor Who Vs Leela from Futurama Dr. Who Leela’s favored weapon: big knife. Taranga Leela’s favorite weapon: death ray. Never bring a knife to a laser gun fight. Taranga Leela in one round, ruled a technical disintegration. I’m a sucker for these threads. Here’s my deathmatch: Larry Niven’s Kzin vs. the Klingons ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/5 "2005-02-11T22:53:29Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > I’m not sure if you’re talking about Faith or Glory. If Faith, then I’d give it to Carrie, who has telepathy. Glory–who was a hellgod, not a slayer–was very very hard to kill, and has minions. She might be able to take Carrie. When did Spike get his arms sawed off? 😕 You’re thinking of “Buffy” season 5. The person I meant appeared in the final season of “Angel”, after Willow did the spell to make all potential vampire slayers into actual vampire slayers. This girl had been in an insane asylum after witnessing a devastatingly traumatic event as a child. She broke out of the asylum after receiving her ‘vampire slayer’ abilities and went after Spike (whom she thought had something to do with her traumatic incident). She sawed off Spikes’ arms, but Fred reattached them. Perhaps this was a rather minor character to throw into the mix, but I couldn’t think of a better match for Carrie. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/6 "2005-02-11T23:08:38Z")
Well, I’ll just do the ones I know about … > [@](#): > > the Borg vs. the Daleks? Pshaw. Daleks. The Borg are all “You will be assimilated” while the Daleks are all “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!!!”. > [@](#): > > the Cylons vs. the Cybermen? Gotta go with the Cylons, either TOS or NG. Especially NG. > [@](#): > > Leela from Doctor Who Vs Leela from Futurama Leela from Futurama. Unless they’re able to pull in “help”, in which case Leela gets Bender and Fry while Leela gets the Doctor, in which case I’d give the edge to Leela from Doctor Who. > [@](#): > > Larry Niven’s Kzin vs. the Klingons Pre-human-contact kzinti were prone to leap before they were ready and didn’t have FTL travel, so the Klingons would take them. Post-human-contact kzinti are a lot wilier and willing to think things through. So I’ll give them a slight edge … but only just. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/7 "2005-02-11T23:09:25Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > You’re thinking of “Buffy” season 5. The person I meant appeared in the final season of “Angel”, after Willow did the spell to make all potential vampire slayers into actual vampire slayers. This girl had been in an insane asylum after witnessing a devastatingly traumatic event as a child. She broke out of the asylum after receiving her ‘vampire slayer’ abilities and went after Spike (whom she thought had something to do with her traumatic incident). She sawed off Spikes’ arms, but Fred reattached them. > > Perhaps this was a rather minor character to throw into the mix, but I couldn’t think of a better match for Carrie. ☹ Carrie vs. Charlie McGee, the _Firestarter_. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/8 "2005-02-11T23:35:18Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > You’re thinking of “Buffy” season 5. The person I meant appeared in the final season of “Angel”, after Willow did the spell to make all potential vampire slayers into actual vampire slayers. This girl had been in an insane asylum after witnessing a devastatingly traumatic event as a child. She broke out of the asylum after receiving her ‘vampire slayer’ abilities and went after Spike (whom she thought had something to do with her traumatic incident). She sawed off Spikes’ arms, but Fred reattached them. > > Perhaps this was a rather minor character to throw into the mix, but I couldn’t think of a better match for Carrie. ☹ oops. :o ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/9 "2005-02-11T23:36:50Z")
Col. Sanders vs. General tso? Stripped naked to the waist and armed with barbeque forks. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/10 "2005-02-12T03:50:43Z")
> [@](#): > > General Tso Tsungtang, or as his name is spelled in modern Pinyin, Zuo Zongtang, was born on Nov. 10, 1812, and died on Sept. 5, 1885. He was a frighteningly gifted military leader during the waning of the Qing dynasty, a figure perhaps the Chinese equivalent of the American Civil War commander William Tecumseh Sherman. He served with brilliant distinction during China’s greatest civil war, the 14-year-long Taiping Rebellion, which claimed millions of lives. > > Tso was utterly ruthless. He smashed the Taiping rebels in four provinces, put down an unrelated revolt called the Nian Rebellion, then marched west and reconquered Chinese Turkestan from Muslim rebels. [I’m gonna have to go with General Tso.](http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A59302-2002Apr16) ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/11 "2005-02-12T03:58:30Z")
Mr. Miyagi vs. Yoda? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/12 "2005-02-12T04:03:21Z")
Rush Limbaugh vs. Michael Savage No matter who loses, we win! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malodorous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47774/32.png) [@Malodorous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malodorous)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/13 "2005-02-12T04:09:40Z")
Hmm…it appears [Mr Sanders](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harland_Sanders), on the other hand, wasn’t even a real Colonel. So I second the vote for General Tso. And Mr. Miyagi couldn’t even catch a fly with chopsticks, so I vote Yoda on that one. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/14 "2005-02-12T04:55:40Z")
Dorsai vs. Draka? (I mean unmodified human Draka.) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/15 "2005-02-12T05:02:44Z")
I speak only of those I know. > [@Art Vandelay](#): > > Norman Bates vs. Hannibal Lecter? Dcotor Lecter. With fava beans and an audacious little Chianti. > [@Architect](#): > > Barnabas Collins vs. Lestat? Barnabas, no question. Lestat woud, however, be resurected by a Literay Device. > [@Vandelay](#): > > Cthulhu & the Old Ones vs. Pinhead & the Cenobites Last time I said that name a car caught on fire. [/QUOTE] > [@Art](#): > > the Borg vs. the Daleks? The Borg. Dumbest question I ever heard. ^:)^ ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/16 "2005-02-12T16:40:18Z")
Nobody has an opinion on Dorsai vs. Draka? (I’d like to pose that one to S.M. Stirling, if I can ever corner him at an SF con. Dickson, unfortunately, is dead.) ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/17 "2005-02-12T16:52:44Z")
Blake’s Seven (with Liberator and Orac) vs Enterprise (TOS)? Servalan vs The Mekon? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/18 "2005-02-12T16:57:20Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Blake’s Seven (with Liberator and Orac) vs Enterprise (TOS)? Enterprise. Blake’s Seven was the most bumbling, amateurish set of rebels ever. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/19 "2005-02-12T17:05:30Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Enterprise. Blake’s Seven was the most bumbling, amateurish set of rebels ever. Aren’t you forgetting Avon? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641/20 "2005-02-12T17:06:33Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > Cthulhu & the Old Ones vs. Pinhead & the Cenobites (wouldn’t that make a great band name BTW?) Interesting . . . the Cenobites (as developed in the Epic series of _Hellraiser_ graphic novels – whether that counts as canon is debatable) are devoted to Order. (“Lawful Evil,” in D&D terms.) Leviathan is not “the God of Hunger, Flesh and Desire,” as Julia described him in _HR2,_ he is the god of Order. The Old Ones are gods of Chaos if they have any values at all (“Chaotic Evil”). (Probably their view of such concepts would be as incomprehensible to us as the non-Euclidean geometry of sunken R’lyeh.) In any case, the Cenobites might seem puny compared to Cthulhu but they are backed up by a god who might be as mighty as Azathoth or Yog-Sothoth. It could be a closer match than you think. My money is on the Old Ones because Chaos always beats Order in the end – Second Law of Thermodynamics. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whod-win-the-following-death-matches/289641.md?page=2)