# Whom shall I take as my new god? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 6, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252 "2010-10-06T14:07:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/1 "2010-10-06T14:07:59Z")
For reasons that need not concern you infidels, I have decided to move to a twelve-day rotation for my worship schedule. Currently the rotation is nine-days long; it goes Athena, Anansi, Edda-Thor, Marvel Comics-Thor, Superman, Inanna, Bailey Quarters, Athena, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. (And yes, I am perfectly aware that Athena is on the list twice.) Whom shall I give the three open spots to, and why? ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/2 "2010-10-06T14:16:04Z")
Nothin’ wrong with the classics; Flying Spaghetti Monster Cthulu The almighty OG! ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/3 "2010-10-06T14:28:28Z")
Me. I’ll require a tithe of 10% of your income. Before taxes. StG ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/4 "2010-10-06T14:29:04Z")
Might I suggest a former [student](http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/greek-mythology.php?deity=DIONYSUS) of mine… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/5 "2010-10-06T14:31:29Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Might I suggest a former [student](http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/greek-mythology.php?deity=DIONYSUS) of mine… Not even in his Zagreus suit. I have no patience for dolphin-lovers. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/6 "2010-10-06T14:33:25Z")
I suggest Skald The Rhymer. He’s intelligent, articulate and fairly amusing, when he’s not being a total doof (and even more amusing when he is being a total doof). Plus, if he doesn’t answer your petitions, you know where he lives. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/7 "2010-10-06T14:42:23Z")
“Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That’s what’s important! Valor pleases you, Crom… so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then TO HELL WITH YOU!” - Conan the Barbarian ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/8 "2010-10-06T14:45:05Z")
I believe adding Cthulu is a wise and defensive choice. Besides if you progress well he grants immortality. Bacchus is also a good choice. Never a bad idea to worhip the god of wine and sensual pleasures. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/9 "2010-10-06T14:55:43Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > I believe adding Cthulu is a wise and defensive choice. Besides if you progress well he grants immortality. In the first place, it’s Cthulhu. In the second place, your second sentence is a flat-out lie. The best that siding with the Elder Abomination can get you is being eaten first. In the third place, Superman and either Thor could take Cthulhu with a toothpick. So could Athena but she wouldn’t bother, preferring to instead persuade her siblings Ares, Apollo, Herakles and Artemis to do it (WHICH THEY TOTALLY COULD!) while holding herself in reserve in the event of an unforseen complication. Anansi would also trick Cthulhu into eating himself; that is what “Anansi” means. Admittedly Bailey Quarters would be no match for Cthulhu using her own resrouces, but such is her valor that she would oppose him though she knew she was doomed, and such is her valor that all gods of every pantheon would leap to her defense, and again the Old One would fall. Gibbs would perish but never surrender, and in the wake of his death, the warring factions of Aesir and Vanir would be so chastened that even old One-Eye would do the right thing. There was a fourth place but I forgot what it was. > [@](#): > > Bacchus is also a good choice. Never a bad idea to worhip the god of wine and sensual pleasures. **WHAT DID I JUST SAY?** ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/10 "2010-10-06T15:14:33Z")
You need diversity, but you also want a god who demands respect. How about **Quetzalcoatl** , **Kū** and **Kali**. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/11 "2010-10-06T15:17:27Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > You need diversity, but you also want a god who demands respect. > > How about **Quetzalcoatl** , **Kū** and **Kali**. The first and last are on the short list. But I have no intention of worshipping anyone from Hawaii. If they can’t handle consonants they can’t handle me. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/12 "2010-10-06T15:40:01Z")
Hmmm. If you’re anti-vowel, perhaps something from the Welsh pantheon? **Dyrnwch** maybe, or **Lludd Llaw Eraint**? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/13 "2010-10-06T15:46:55Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > Nothin’ wrong with the classics; > Flying Spaghetti Monster > Cthulu > The almighty OG! I couldn’t have said it better myself. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/14 "2010-10-06T15:47:36Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > > > You need diversity, but you also want a god who demands respect. > > > > How about **Quetzalcoatl** , **Kū** and **Kali**. > > The first and last are on the short list. But I have no intention of worshipping anyone from Hawaii. If they can’t handle consonants they can’t handle me. They can handle real consonants, they just don’t like the weenie consonants like G or Z. However, on review, I will now also submit **Pele** - the volcano goddess, not the footie god. One of the few deities you can still pick up hitchhiking. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/15 "2010-10-06T15:47:53Z")
Hades, definitely. It’s always a mistake to spend all your devotion on Gods who may, if your devotion is perfect, and they’re having a good day, make your life better here on Earth. But by any measure you will be spending far more years dead than alive, so start now to invest in your long-term happiness and comfort. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/16 "2010-10-06T15:48:24Z")
I like Skuld, by which I mean the pre-pubescent techy one from\* Ah! My Goddess!\* But I don’t know that she needs you as a worshiper. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/17 "2010-10-06T15:53:45Z")
Perhaps you should consider Legba, the Dweller at the Crossroads? His role is to facilitate communication with other gods and spirits, and with the number of deities you’re dealing with, someone to coordinate divine affairs might be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/18 "2010-10-06T15:56:32Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > Hmmm. If you’re anti-vowel, perhaps something from the Welsh pantheon? **Dyrnwch** maybe, or **Lludd Llaw Eraint**? My hatred of the Welsh has long been on record. They shall all pay for the way their dark prince abused and murdered sweet Diana. Yes, _murdered_. I meant what I \*said \*and I said what I _meant_. Which reminds me: Horton is also on the short list, which currently consists of Quetzalcoatl, Morrigan, Gojira, Kali, Raven, Rhinox, [that chick from Japan whose name I can never remember–okay, spell – who danced naked in front of the cave to lure Amaterasu out of her funk](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ame-no-Uzume), the Suzie Plakson Q, and the aforementioned elephant. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/19 "2010-10-06T15:56:57Z")
I nominate: 1. Karana–Norathian God of Storms. Much like the Other Thunderer, but smarter, less temper, more wrath…and worshiped by lots of wood elf chicks. 2. Moradin the Soul Forger, who made the dwarves out of lumps of clay 3. Kali–A death god. Cuz sometimes you have to get nasty. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252/20 "2010-10-06T16:05:19Z")
Joe Pesci. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whom-shall-i-take-as-my-new-god/556252.md?page=2)