# Whoo-Hoo I can hit on your Girlfriend and It'sOK!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 20, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001 "2005-02-20T06:00:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![pasunejen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@pasunejen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pasunejen)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/81 "2005-02-21T01:17:20Z")
**FinnAgain** , I think I may have misinterpreted your comments in light of the situation I was considering to be under discussion (i.e. people who had fairly minimal or no exposure to each other prior to the on-hitting experience). So, while I’m still a little qualmy about this stuff, I’ll withdraw my objections. Sorry 'bout that. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/82 "2005-02-21T01:19:52Z")
This whole thread is bull doody. If you are aware that a person is in a relationship, that person should not be hit on barring unusual circumstances. What planet are you people from? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/83 "2005-02-21T01:25:57Z")
> [@pasunejen](#): > > **FinnAgain** , I think I may have misinterpreted your comments in light of the situation I was considering to be under discussion (i.e. people who had fairly minimal or no exposure to each other prior to the on-hitting experience). So, while I’m still a little qualmy about this stuff, I’ll withdraw my objections. Sorry 'bout that. Confusion reigns sureme, hail Eris. ~bows~ Namaste. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/84 "2005-02-21T01:27:00Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > What planet are you people from? You don’t grok Martian? Pity… ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/85 "2005-02-21T02:16:44Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > This whole thread is bull doody. If you are aware that a person is in a relationship, that person should not be hit on barring unusual circumstances. What planet are you people from? Yes! Thank you that sums it up rather nicely. I’m also in utter disbelief that people think it’s ok to _knowingly_ screw around with a person who is in a realationship. Yeah, I’m sure, you can give me that tired old arguement: “Hey, man, I’ve made no promises to anybody that was her/his deal…” But you know what? You’ve intentionally made yourself a part a a nafarious triangle. Which in turn make you a piece of shit. (Wheaher you knew the person being cheated upon or not. WTF does that got to do with anything anyway?) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/86 "2005-02-21T02:19:31Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Oh, as long I’m opening myself up to a dogpile by supporting such a ‘skeevy’ position, I might as well let y’all know where I’m coming from. > > Son, any statement that begins with ‘I really ought to–’ is suspect. It means you haven’t analysed your motives. . . . Find out what you want to do, then do it. Never talk yourself into doing something you don’t want. > — Robert Heinlein [snip] Alas, to wear the mantle of Galileo it is not enough that you be persecuted by an unkind establishment; you must also be right. –Robert Park ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/87 "2005-02-21T02:20:18Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > a nafarious triangle. ~cue spooky music~ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/88 "2005-02-21T02:30:28Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > Yes! Thank you that sums it up rather nicely. > > I’m also in utter disbelief that people think it’s ok to _knowingly_ screw around with a person who is in a realationship. I assume it’s all right with everyone if we read “closed relationship” for “relationship” in all statements of the above form in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/89 "2005-02-21T02:38:49Z")
**matt** , obviously. On my part, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveyearlurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Fiveyearlurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveyearlurker)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/90 "2005-02-21T02:40:05Z")
[QUOTE=SHAKES But you know what? You’ve intentionally made yourself a part a a nafarious triangle. Which in turn make you a piece of shit. (Wheaher you knew the person being cheated upon or not. WTF does that got to do with anything anyway?)[/QUOTE] Yeah, I guess I’m a piece of shit. And to continue my shittiness, you know what I did, I _married_ her. And just to keep up the charade, I’ve stayed married to her for the past six years. Wow, what a shit I am! So, if I’m a piece of shit, well, I guess I’ll get over it. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/91 "2005-02-21T02:45:02Z")
You can be happy about the ends without necessarily being proud of the means. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/92 "2005-02-21T02:46:54Z")
Nefarious. Maybe we should force everyone to wear shirts detailing their relationship status and how much they’d welcome a pass. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/93 "2005-02-21T02:51:14Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > Nefarious. > > Maybe we should force everyone to wear shirts detailing their relationship status and how much they’d welcome a pass. Please notice I said: > [@LaurAnge](#): > > If you are aware that a person is in a relationship, that person should not be hit on barring unusual circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/94 "2005-02-21T02:52:35Z")
> [@Fiveyearlurker](#): > > [QUOTE=SHAKES > > But you know what? You’ve intentionally made yourself a part a a nafarious triangle. Which in turn make you a piece of shit. (Wheaher you knew the person being cheated upon or not. WTF does that got to do with anything anyway?)[/QUOTE] > > Yeah, I guess I’m a piece of shit. And to continue my shittiness, you know what I did, I _married_ her. And just to keep up the charade, I’ve stayed married to her for the past six years. Wow, what a shit I am! > > So, if I’m a piece of shit, well, I guess I’ll get over it. First off **Fiveyearlurker** , sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you were a piece of shit. prehaps I was a little harsh. I think your case is the exception not the rule. I also can’t help but wonder the pain the other guy went through. I don’t know all the details of your personal situation. So I wont in no way try to make a judgment call on that. (As if I was even worthy to do so.) I’m just saying that on a broad view of things. It _is_ a skeevy to mess around with a person who is already in a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/95 "2005-02-21T02:55:24Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > Please notice I said: Sorry. I missed it. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveyearlurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@Fiveyearlurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveyearlurker)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/96 "2005-02-21T03:06:12Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > First off **Fiveyearlurker** , sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you were a piece of shit. prehaps I was a little harsh. > > I think your case is the exception not the rule. I also can’t help but wonder the pain the other guy went through. I don’t know all the details of your personal situation. So I wont in no way try to make a judgment call on that. (As if I was even worthy to do so.) > > I’m just saying that on a broad view of things. It _is_ a skeevy to mess around with a person who is already in a relationship. Meh. I was just bein’ snarky. The other guy wasn’t going to be around much longer anyway. And, I think that’s sort of the point. If I didn’t know he wasn’t going to be around much longer, I wouldn’t have been around. In fairness, we didn’t mess around. We hung out a lot for awhile. I found out she was going to break up with the other guy, which might have been hastened by me, but was going to happen anyway. She invited me in one night before she broke up with him, and I turned her down because I didn’t want anything physical to happen until the other guy was served official notice. And, as a result, for the rest of our lives, I get to say, “Remember the first time you invited me to come inside, and I turned you down…” ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/97 "2005-02-21T03:21:30Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > Sorry. I missed it. No problem. Even **I** don’t expect people to be psychic. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/98 "2005-02-21T03:34:36Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > No problem. Even **I** don’t expect people to be psychic. 😉 Phew! ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/99 "2005-02-21T08:57:19Z")
Finn, you just needed to say where you were coming from. Boyfriend is an actual asshole=give an honest opinion, because you care about her well-being. Boyfriend is a nice guy/nothing special, but you want his girlfriend= don’t talk him down, it makes you look like an asshole. You have no information either way= don’t make judgements if they’ll come back and bite you in the ass. I’m not saying this applies to you, but it does apply to many men. Sometimes those hints and signals which you read as “yes”, are emphatically “no”, and she’s just too polite to hit you. I’ve had guys grabbing my arm when I tried to walk away, I’ve had wandering hands accompanying the “what your boyfriend won’t know” spiel, I’ve been followed when I left parties. I’d rather have a blanket “don’t hit on people in (closed) relationships” rule than have to deal with the people who can’t tell the difference between seductive and obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2005, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001/100 "2005-02-21T11:18:48Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > Finn, you just needed to say where you were coming from. My apologies if I was unclear. I was reacting to what I viewed as a blanket moral condemantion which I felt was undeserved. Sorry if I jumped any guns. > [@irishgirl](#): > > I’m not saying this applies to you, but it does apply to many men. > Sometimes those hints and signals which you read as “yes”, are emphatically “no”, and she’s just too polite to hit you. Communication, true, honest communication of that-which-cannot-be-spoken is so difficult that it’s a miracle we manage to connect at all. Snafu uber alles. > [@irishgirl](#): > > I’ve had guys grabbing my arm when I tried to walk away, I’ve had wandering hands accompanying the “what your boyfriend won’t know” spiel, I’ve been followed when I left parties. Jeez… Okay, I honestly didn’t even realize folks did shit like that. Ever considered becoming an aikido master? 😉 But, as I think **clairobscur** pointed out, that’d be rude if someone was single or married or whatever. > [@irishgirl](#): > > I’d rather have a blanket “don’t hit on people in (closed) relationships” rule than have to deal with the people who can’t tell the difference between seductive and obnoxious. Hrm. This is the problem to me though, the ‘blanket’ nature of this statement. It obviously is a false-to-facts generalization. It isn’t always obnoxious, and isn’t always unwanted. Which, again, in my mind casts this debate in terms of individuality and individual situations versus a societal interdiction and a taboo about interacting with those in relationships. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoo-hoo-i-can-hit-on-your-girlfriend-and-itsok/291001.md?page=6)