# Whoppers my friends have told me **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 24, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916 "2004-09-24T18:37:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/21 "2004-09-25T04:44:10Z")
#2. Feces is a mixture of indigestible food (usually fiber), bacteria (mostly dead, but some still living, species which naturally live in the colon), some bile pigment for coloring (our old friend bilirubin), a few other minor components, and water. Mostly water, up to 75% by some estimates. The water softens the stool and allows it to slide out in well-formed sausages. Too much water creates diarrhea; too little can cause pain on defecation. But mostly the internal water content is all that is needed for a healthy evacuation. No extra lubricant is necessary, although some mucus from normal internal breakdown of the intestines may help coat the feces, but should normally be unnoticeable. So while saying “colon produces lubricant to help expel feces” might be technically true, the part about it being thick and dripping is pure nonsense. Obvious mucus is a sign of disease. In the U.S. colitis is probably most likely; but some really icky tropical diseases can produce too much mucus. Basically, if anything else is in the feces you have a problem. The most common one is [steatorrhea](http://www.diagnose-me.com/cond/C634635.html). > [@](#): > > Steatorrhea is not a really a condition but a symptom in which fecal matter is frothy, foul-smelling and floats because of a high fat content. It is common in malabsorption syndromes. ---
**Author:** ![DRBOB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@DRBOB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRBOB)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/22 "2004-09-25T06:24:55Z")
> [@XJETGIRLX](#): > > The fallopian tubes are not connected directly to the ovaries. The ovaries are located very close to the open ends of the fallopian tubes. Upon ovulation, the egg bursts through the side of the ovary and is urged into the fallopian tube by either muscle contrations or cilial movement or something (I’m not a doc, so I don’t know for sure, I just remember from watching far too many hours of discovery health). > > Here’s a handy-dandy little [chart](http://www.cancercare.mb.ca/MCCSP/uterus_e.gif) > > In certain instances a fertilized egg can implant outside the womb. This is called an [ectopic pregnancy](http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000895.htm). > > With regards to sperm in the abdominal cavity, I’ve always heard that sperm can’t survive more than a very short period of time in the acidic environment of the woman’s body, so I doubt this would be an issue. Well, you may not be a doc, but your pretty much right! The egg bursts from the ovary into the abdominal cavity and is grabbed by the “fimbria” which are cilia of sorts and propel the egg into the fallopian tube where, if the fates smile or frown (depending on your situation) it is met by sperm, which are anxious to fertilize it. It then travels down the fallopian tube and implants in the uterine lining. If it implants by mistake in the abdominal cavity it becomes an ectopic pregnancy. If it implants by mistake in the fallopian tube it becomes a tubal pregnancy. Both are bad. The fallopian tubes DO empty into the abdominal cavity. Semen flowing into the abdominal cavity is of no consequence. It is simply absorbed. The system malfunctions only on rare occasion, a testimony to its excellent design. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/23 "2004-09-25T13:42:22Z")
It cannot be that all of those are true :eek: Do sperm _usually_ end up in the abdomen? Or only in rare cases? Truly this board is wonderful. I learned a new word for vagina (fud) and that colitis causes fecal lubricant and many women have hair around their nipples (but probably not _most_) and that sperm may get inside the abdomen :eek: ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/24 "2004-09-25T14:41:50Z")
Most of your innards are lightly coated with mucus. In your nose and lungs, it serves to filter out dust and keep the surface from drying out. In your esophagus and stomach, the mucus shields against gastric juices, so your stomach won’t digest itself. By the time food becomes poop, the mucus gets mixed in with everything else, and it doesn’t usually come out separately. Now, don’t panic if you get non-standard poop occasionally. There are dozens of minor things that can make your output temporarily soft or even runny. Most of them are not worth worrying about. Notice, though, that I said “temporarily.” **TMI Warning!! If you are easily queased, RUN AWAY!** / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / Folks who are on the receiving end of anal sex sometimes find themselves expelling a mixture of lubricant and poopage. This mixture has been named santorum, after a US congressman. I figure you have to be a special kind of politician to get a kind of rectal goop named after you. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/25 "2004-09-25T15:12:47Z")
**TMI** When I’m having a particularly bad IBS day, there is a lot of mucus in my stool. Same goes for when I’m on my “period” (I don’t bleed, just get irritable and mucusy). I have breast hairs. I have the same problem as **WhyNot** , one day, no hair. Next day it’s an inch long! I also get weird little ‘feathers’ or groups of five or six super thin white hairs on the underside of my breasts that pop up like the bumps on uncooked chicken skin. They’re fun to pluck. :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/26 "2004-09-25T16:12:57Z")
Hey, I’ve got a couple stubborn nipple-hairs (actually areola hairs - I’ve heard it referred to as, er, haireola, which cracks me up.) I don’t have a moustache, either, thanks. I think most women really do have them, as one night in the women’s college common room somebody said “Hey, I’m going to be embarassed if you guys just stare at me like I’m crazy, but does anybody else get the little nipple hairs?” And _everybody_ was all “Yeah, I hate those little bastards.” Maybe twenty young females, none currently bleaching their moustaches. The plural of anecdote is not data, but I do think it’s most women, and then most women tweeze 'em so men never know. I mean, it’s not a miniature forest, it’s just a few hairs. ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/27 "2004-09-25T16:56:33Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Think about it for a second…How, exactly, would you advertise a product for removing hair from that specific location, and that specific location only? Nip/Pluck? ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/28 "2004-09-25T17:22:07Z")
Well, if you r_eally_ want to get rid of those nipple hairs, have a bilateral reduction mammoplasty with a free nipple graft! ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/29 "2004-09-25T17:38:50Z")
I had a reduction without the nipple graft, and I actually miss the few regular hairs I used to have. They seem to be gone. I rather enjoyed removing them. It was weird, they never hurt, and they were these odd thick hairs. And yes, I’m pretty hairy. ---
**Author:** ![z\_z\_z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b2d939/32.png) [@z\_z\_z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/z_z_z)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/30 "2004-09-25T21:42:19Z")
> [@Futile Gesture](#): > > Your friend isn’t far wrong. > > Take the first three letters, fud, and you have a Scottish slang word for exactly that. This is derived from the Scots word for “tail”. \ Interesting… \* Fut \* is a very common slang term for that in German, as well. I´ve also heard it being used by famers and even older rural people (in certain parts of Austria) in a non offensive way - referring to the vagina of cattle / livestock, when they talk to the veterinarian who visits their farms. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/31 "2004-09-25T22:45:26Z")
The full story on santorum: > [@](#): > > In April 2003, Republican senator Rick Santorum made some asinine comments in defense of laws banning gay sex. While this in itself may seem unremarkable, many people were amazed at how much detail he went into. Rick wasn’t satisfied to call it ‘degenerate’ and move on. He really, really wanted to talk about sex, so he told the Associated Press: “If the Supreme Court says that you have a right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything.” Well, little did he know that two months later the Supreme Court would rule anti-sodomy laws unconstitutional… whoops! > > It’s not every day that a U.S. Senator squirts out a nugget like that. Public outcry was considerable, yet readers of Dan Savage’s syndicated sex column Savage Love feared the ensuing scandal would soon be flushed away and forgotten. Acting on the suggestion of a reader, Savage issued this challenge: > > ``` > There's no better way to memorialize the Santorum scandal than by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head. And don't doubt for a moment that Savage Love readers have that power. Savage Love readers selected "pegging" for a woman doing a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo—much to my Aunt Peggy's dismay—and "pegging" is already showing up in dictionaries of sexual slang. So, readers: Should a "Santorum" be a common or a rare sex act? Vanilla or kinky? Sweet or gruesome? > > ``` > > Submissions were published in a later column, readers voted, and the lube-fecal matter concoction entry won by a landslide: > > ``` > While I agree with the spirit of naming something objectionable (to him) after Rick Santorum, I think it should be a substance, not an act. I would never want to Santorum anyone I liked. What a turnoff. Instead, I think it would be better to name some kind of sexual byproduct after him. After all, ending up with idiots like Santorum in elected office is a byproduct of the otherwise desirable practice of letting any old yokel vote. Specifically, I nominate the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. As in, "We had a great time, but we got Santorum all over the sheets." Or better yet, "Before I sodomize my gay, unmarried dog, I like to give him an enema so there won't be any Santorum." > > —Wipe Up That Santorum, Anal Pokers > > ``` > > Since then, efforts to promote use of the word have had considerable success. Above was taken from the Rotten Library, since I really didn’t want to risk linking to rotten dot com. ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/32 "2004-09-26T04:12:42Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > 1. The colon produces lubricant to help expel feces. It’s thick and drips out afterward. My friend calls this, charmingly, “butt snot.” (Too hilarious to be true) Yes, this mucus is called _flux_. It is produced in the distal colon to lubricate feces during bowel movements. Normally, it is not produced in quantities that are very noticeable, however, the observant may notice small quantities of a colorless, slightly opaque fluid with neutral boyancy in the bowl after a solid movement. Some forms of colon cancer can cause hypersecretion of flux. Also, those with flaccid anal sphincters may also experience leakage of up to a cc or two after bowel movements. No telling how much the goaste guy leaks. And no, you cannot solder with it. Try lemon juice. ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916/33 "2004-09-27T18:54:17Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > 1. “Fuddy-duddy” does not mean a boring and joyless person. It’s another word for vagina. (I haven’t heard this from anyone else, so this can’t be true, but what was my friend thinking when she told me this? That I was that gullible?) It’s possible that this may be a poorly transmitted/remembered version of the great “[Fuddle-duddle](http://fuddle-duddle.wikiverse.org/)” flap involving Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau and the question of what was it he **really** said in the House during Question period back in 1971. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whoppers-my-friends-have-told-me/265916.md?page=1)