# Who's Got Your Back? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 23, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845 "2006-02-23T21:07:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/21 "2006-02-23T22:04:26Z")
Nick Fury. As Logan said at his funeral, “Nick was one of the few norms I trusted to watch my back. He was at the top of a very short list.” ---
**Author:** ![ghostbuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@ghostbuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ghostbuster)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/22 "2006-02-23T22:20:31Z")
Ash from the _Evil Dead_ movies > [@](#): > > “Me and ol’ double-barrel here’ll blow your butt to kingdom come!” Who wouldn’t want the help of a guy with a chainsaw for a hand? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/23 "2006-02-23T22:21:47Z")
Superman, no question. Who’s gonna fuck with him? Unless the Yakuza scored some kryptonite throwing stars or something. Then I’d be straight up screwed. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/24 "2006-02-23T22:22:05Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Green Lantern. At a walk…‘most powerful tool in the universe’ mean anything? I always thought that was a sly porn reference. ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/25 "2006-02-23T22:25:54Z")
> [@ghostbuster](#): > > Ash from the _Evil Dead_ movies > > Who wouldn’t want the help of a guy with a chainsaw for a hand? We’ll have to share, 'cause I’d definitely choose Ash. That chainsaw could make short work of Kathy Lee. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/26 "2006-02-23T22:33:01Z")
Dr. Leonard McCoy. He just has to shoot me up with that stuff he used on Kirk when he fought Spock on Vulcan. I’ll appear to be dead, all those idiots would leave me alone and then he could bring me back. Besides, I’d love to hear him say “Damn it Odin, I’m a Doctor, not a bodyguard.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/27 "2006-02-23T22:38:20Z")
26 posts and no one’s mentioned **Batman**!!! Not only would he have my back (because he’s _prepared_ but he would avenge any injustice against me, so all future evil-doers would be duly warned. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/28 "2006-02-23T22:39:52Z")
Jean Grey. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/29 "2006-02-23T22:43:32Z")
Dibs on Captain Malcom Reynolds! As long as there’s a turbine nearby, we’re all good. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/30 "2006-02-23T23:10:06Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > I’m right with you up until the “kick the asses of the living” thing. Jesus is the original “turn the cheek” guy. He ain’t kickin’ nobodies ass for nobody. > > Unless you’re talking about that Jesus II: The Return Of The Christ thing, but that’s not exactly canon. And don’t _even_ get me goin’ on Zombie Jesus. Dood, Obviously, you’ve only read the 4 issues, and commentaries, written by those guys with no last names. First, read the prequels. Jesus’ dad is one mean, vengeful, mofo. I swear, he’d bust a cap in the world’s ass for dissing him. Then read the sequel. Jesus shows just how much like Big Daddy he can be. Folks getting flung into a lake of fire, a thousand years of tribulations…some mad ultraviolence. With Jesus, and by extension his Pa, at my back Kathy lee better be the one doing some cheek turning. ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/31 "2006-02-23T23:18:32Z")
I like the whole Jesus thing but at least in my opinion, he isn’t fictional. I would go with McGyver. He can make weapons out of nothing. A hank of string, a dead battery and some dirt and he can blow up those guys. Plus he’s really cute. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Bongo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a9adbd/32.png) [@Winston\_Bongo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Bongo)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/32 "2006-02-23T23:25:33Z")
Keyser Soze. He’d manipulate events from behind the scenes so that all your enemies end up killing each other, and you don’t have to lift a finger. Just sit back and watch the bodies pile up. The only drawback is that, after he saves your ass, you owe him one. And that is generally not a good place to be. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/33 "2006-02-23T23:25:46Z")
I want a [tachikoma](http://www.hobbyjapan.co.jp/tachikoma/). It’s a fricking TANK. It’s invisible. As an AI it’s immune to River Tam’s freaky mind powers. And it’s got the personality of a giggly Japanese schoolgirl, so it’s much more fun to hang out with than Jesus. Paint it yellow so Green Lantern can’t touch it and it will smoke everyone else listed so far. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/34 "2006-02-23T23:26:40Z")
Man, someone already took Ash. Can I share Batman with kimera? Okokokok, let’s see… I’ll take Nightcrawler on personality alone. Maybe Jean Grey. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/35 "2006-02-23T23:30:31Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’ll take Nightcrawler on personality alone. Maybe Jean Grey. Hey, I already took her! :mad: But if you’ve got Nightcrawler, we can switch occasionally. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/36 "2006-02-23T23:40:31Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Hey, I already took her! :mad: Oh, I missed that. > [@](#): > > But if you’ve got Nightcrawler, we can switch occasionally. 😉 Heh, just to protect us, or what? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/37 "2006-02-23T23:50:37Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Heh, just to protect us, or what? To protect us. Right. _cough_ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/38 "2006-02-24T00:01:08Z")
Hell, I’m as atheist as they come, and I’d convert to \*Catholicism \*for him. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/39 "2006-02-24T00:36:29Z")
Either James Bond or Major Motoko Kusanagi. The Major would be good at hacking through to the core of hideously complex conspiracies…though Bond could do the same, through the process of seducing, blackmailing, and murdering enough of the right people. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845/40 "2006-02-24T00:56:57Z")
I don’t know, Colin Mochrie can kick Jesus’ ass. That’s what he gets for trying to stop Fanimutations. I pick Francis Begbie from _Trainspotting_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-got-your-back/345845.md?page=3)