# Who's tougher: Batman or Jesus? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 7, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038 "2004-07-07T23:56:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/21 "2004-07-09T02:55:58Z")
Batman vs Jesus? Jesus, if he’s divine. ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/22 "2004-07-09T03:04:24Z")
One of the first things Jesus says in the New Testament is that if someone slaps you, offer them the other cheek. So Jesus wouldn’t fight Batman. However even if Bats is super pissed he won’t kill Jesus. Plus Jesus won’t be htting back so I’d assume Bats would lose his gung-ho after 6-8 swings. After that Bats stops, Jesus looks at him, and Bats falls eternally into his service. I mean, its Jesus people. Jesus is always prepared. Prepared with _loooooooovvveeee_. So Jesus wins, but Bats doesn’t really get beaten. So they both win. Hoooray! ---
**Author:** ![xvxdarkknightxvx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/34f0e0/32.png) [@xvxdarkknightxvx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xvxdarkknightxvx)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/23 "2004-07-09T03:10:22Z")
I think a more interesting battle would be Ken Jennings vs. Batman vs. Jesus in **Jeopardy!** It would a battle royale of the wits! Inconceivable! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/24 "2004-07-09T03:13:17Z")
> [@Wearia](#): > > One of the first things Jesus says in the New Testament is that if someone slaps you, offer them the other cheek. So Jesus wouldn’t fight Batman. > However even if Bats is super pissed he won’t kill Jesus. Plus Jesus won’t be htting back so I’d assume Bats would lose his gung-ho after 6-8 swings. After that Bats stops, Jesus looks at him, and Bats falls eternally into his service. I mean, its Jesus people. Jesus is always prepared. Prepared with _loooooooovvveeee_. I don’t know why, but when I read this, the first thing that popped into my head was Jesus standing there, holding a 55 gallon drum anal lube in one hand, and looking at Batman with a “Your ass or mine?” expression on his face. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/25 "2004-07-09T04:54:36Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > I don’t know why, but when I read this, the first thing that popped into my head was Jesus standing there, holding a 55 gallon drum anal lube in one hand, and looking at Batman with a “Your ass or mine?” expression on his face. I didn’t quite think of that. But I did think “so if Batman is fighting Jesus right after a rendezvous with Catwoman (or Robin, depending on what you think of old Bruce), Jesus is out of luck.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/26 "2004-07-09T05:20:29Z")
Um, **Marley** , you do know that the current Robin is a girl, right? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/27 "2004-07-09T06:06:22Z")
Jesus: “Take, eat: this is my body.” “It’s a bit tough, innit?” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/28 "2004-07-09T06:18:33Z")
> [@The Asbestos Mango](#): > > Um, **Marley** , you do know that the current Robin is a girl, right? No, I meant to sound like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Really. Actually the comment still works, just as a ‘different kind of women Batman likes’ jokes instead of the usual cheap joke. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/29 "2004-07-09T06:49:10Z")
Speaking of Catwoman, who’s playing Batman in the new Halle Berry flick? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/30 "2004-07-09T07:16:19Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Speaking of Catwoman, who’s playing Batman in the new Halle Berry flick? An up-and-coming actor named Peter NotThere. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/31 "2004-07-09T13:28:08Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > An up-and-coming actor named Peter NotThere. I loved his interpretation of Hitler in…ohhh wait, you said _Peter_ NotThere. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/32 "2004-07-09T14:56:39Z")
> [@xvxdarkknightxvx](#): > > I think a more interesting battle would be Ken Jennings vs. Batman vs. Jesus in **Jeopardy!** It would a battle royale of the wits! Inconceivable! I do not think that word means what you seem to think it means. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/33 "2004-07-09T17:42:15Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > I dunno. > > Doesn’t Jesus deal some death as a child in one of the non-canonical Gospels? Does that count? > > But then again, Jesus let a bunch of obviously inferior people whip his ass and kill him. > > So I’ve gotta go with Batman on this one. But Jesus had to save mankind. Otherwise, he might have opened a can of whup-ass on the Romans. Let’s say Batman has the power to come back from the dead, and let’s say he’s fighting the Joker. If he lets the Joker kill him, he can rise from the dead and follow Joker when Joker meets up with Catwoman and Riddler, and nab all three of them. So he’s totally gonna let Joker kill him. > [@](#): > > Somebody else wrote: > Jesus, being a carpenter, probably has a pretty cool utility belt, too. Too bad he didn’t have a nail-puller in there, cuz that would have really come in handy. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/34 "2004-07-09T18:19:46Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > Doesn’t Jesus deal some death as a child in one of the non-canonical Gospels? Yep: [http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/text/infancythomas-a-mrjames.html](http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/text/infancythomas-a-mrjames.html) Chapter IV: “After that again he went through the village, and a child ran and dashed against his shoulder. And Jesus was provoked and said unto him: Thou shalt not finish thy course. And immediately he fell down and died.” ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/35 "2004-07-09T20:09:11Z")
> [@xvxdarkknightxvx](#): > > I think a more interesting battle would be Ken Jennings vs. Batman vs. Jesus in **Jeopardy!** It would a battle royale of the wits! Inconceivable! As Jennings is a Mormon it who be a two man (superman?, ultra-humanite type thing?) battle is Jennings couldn’t show up his lord and savior. Super Best Friends v. The Justice League. There’s a battle. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/36 "2004-07-09T22:34:29Z")
Nothing so far in this thread to convince me that sans Son O’ God mojo that Jesus is anybody special. He’s another Kal-El. It’s easy to be omnipotent when you’re born that way. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/37 "2004-07-09T22:59:47Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > Doesn’t Jesus deal some death as a child in one of the non-canonical Gospels? Does that count? Nah. That’s nothing but Jesus fan-fiction. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/38 "2004-07-10T02:18:41Z")
> [@Wolfian](#): > > Super Best Friends v. The Justice League. There’s a battle. My money’s on Sea Man. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/39 "2004-07-10T06:01:01Z")
> [@tracer](#): > > My money’s on Sea Man. You called? (I think you mean Aqua Man. ;)) ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/40 "2004-07-10T06:27:05Z")
In the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, Jesus already has superpowers as a child and is killing other kids (Infancy Gospel Jesus is more like Damien than the Son of God) but of course, that’s not Canon. If we’re sticking to Canon, I don’t think Jesus gets his superpowers until after his baptism by John (at least he doesn’t exhibit them until then), so I think Batman (if he’s prepared, of course) should be able to easily kick the ass of a scrawny, peacenik carpenter. If we go off Canon, are there any Batman comics, novels, fan fics, whatever in which Batman has any superpowers, even temporarlily? On second thought, even then, he would still have to fight guy with the powers of God. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038.md?page=3)