# Who's tougher: Batman or Jesus? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 7, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038 "2004-07-07T23:56:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/41 "2004-07-10T06:27:12Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > You called? > > (I think you mean Aqua Man. ;)) Nope, he means Sea Man, and his pet/sidekick Swallow. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/42 "2004-07-10T11:54:42Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > If we go off Canon, are there any Batman comics, novels, fan fics, whatever in which Batman has any superpowers, even temporarlily? You know, I think I remember an Elseworlds one-shot where Clark Kent grows up to be Batman. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/43 "2004-07-10T12:08:00Z")
There’s the Tangents universe Batman, who is a suit of armour, animated by a medieval spirit. (Somehow connected to King Arthur, IIRC.) ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/44 "2004-07-10T16:50:41Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > You know, I think I remember an Elseworlds one-shot where Clark Kent grows up to be Batman. Impossible. If some thug in a dark alley threatened to kill Ma and Pa Kent, Superboy would take him down faster than you can say “Kryptonian Code Against Killing.” ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/45 "2004-07-10T17:18:48Z")
I have a few theories of my own on this- Bruce has also died and risen (In Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns). But nobody called him the son of God. They just called him ‘Boss’ and ‘Mr Wayne’ OR Bruce is actually the Anti-Christ. Joe Chill was ,unaware, doing the Lord’s work that night. However, demons intervened and saved the child. Thomas was planning on having a long talk with Martha later that night, as a series of tests had revealed that he had been born sterile and could not possibly be Bruce’s dad. When Bruce sought guidance from Thomas, his real father sent one of his minions (in general, bats do not crash through large windows and then calmly perch on statues) to show him the way. Thus, Bruce spread terror and reinforced the false reputation of the bat as a thing to be afraid of. Commisioner Gordon became his false prophet. In time, no customer would do business with a place that did not show support for the Caped Crusader by displaying the sign of the beast. So I say Batman would win. All the believers would be caught up and vanish (likely in another ‘Event’ like Inavsion, Our World At War, or Zero Hour). Batman would rule over those who remained for seven years or so. Then, JC would show up and cast him into a lake of fire (possibly one of Ras Al Ghul’s Lazarus Pits) ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/46 "2004-07-10T17:30:45Z")
**Tangent** That would be Speeding Bullets. The Wayne’s are out for a drive in the country when they see a shooting star. Alfred drives after it and they find Kal-El’s ship. Thomas uses his money and influence to adopt the baby despite the irregularities. They name him Bruce and raise him rather than having a child of their own. Without going into spoilers, young Bruce doesn’t know that he isn’t their biological son, or that he has powers (Remember that postCrisis, Kal-El’s powers developed slowly over the years as he slowly soaked up the rays of the yellow sun. PreCrisis, Kal was instantly invulnerable and possessed of great strength.) when his parents are killed. More relevant to the discussion is Holy Terror. In this Elseworlds (I haven’t read this one) Bruce Wayne is actually a priest. ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/47 "2004-07-10T21:13:36Z")
Do you know that Jack Chick is probably reading this thread right now, taking notes? ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/48 "2004-07-10T21:17:09Z")
Actually, National Lampoon magazine did three parody comics of Jesus as a superhero; here’s one of them: [Son-O’-God meets Zimmerman](http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/images/zimmerman2.html) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/49 "2004-07-10T21:17:11Z")
> [@AtomicDog](#): > > Do you know that Jack Chick is probably reading this thread right now, taking notes? One can only hope. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/50 "2004-07-10T22:24:00Z")
Oh, and let us not forget that Jesus is [actually](http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues.html)[quite](http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues2.html)[athletic.](http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues3.html) (I can’t believe no one had posted those yet!) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038/51 "2004-07-10T22:39:22Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > Oh, and let us not forget that Jesus is [actually](http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues.html)[quite](http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues2.html)[athletic.](http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues3.html) > (I can’t believe no one had posted those yet!) Yes, but that raises the whole Buddy Christ vs. Batman issue, and I’m not sure if we want to hijack this thread that far. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-tougher-batman-or-jesus/254038.md?page=2)