# Who's your TV lawyer? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 5, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194 "2002-09-05T21:50:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![burntsand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@burntsand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burntsand)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/21 "2002-09-07T00:37:45Z")
[Abe Simpson] “Maaaaaattttlllock” [/Abe Simpson] If he were unavailable, I’d go for some of that sweet, sweet Claire Kincaid lovin’. ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/22 "2002-09-07T00:58:12Z")
Look, if Pendleton and Bayliss are slapping me around in the box, it means I did it. It’s only a matter of time before Frank’s brooding mindgames and/or Bayliss’ boyish sexual ambiguity compel me to reveal the truth. If it were Kellerman and the chunky Baldwin, however, I’ll be going with the hyperchicken lawyer from _Futurama_. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/23 "2002-09-07T01:22:01Z")
Mine is Abraham Lincoln Jones from **The Law and Mr. Jones** starring James Whitmore as the title character. James Whitmore could out-lawyer anyone. Good show. Well written. Years ahead of its time, or Danny O’Brien from **Trials of O’Brien** starring Peter Falk as the tough-guy lawyer title character. It was great fun. Once again, years ahead of its time. TV ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/24 "2002-09-07T04:26:08Z")
Claire Huxtable. She is _scary_ in Lawyer Mode. Of course, if we can expand to movies, I want Fred Gailey from Miracle on 34th Street. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/25 "2002-09-07T17:49:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skerri \* > \*\*Ling from “Ally McBeal”. No doubt about it. > > She may be nuts, and it would probably drain my funds, but she’d probably get me out of whatever I got myself into. I mean, come on! She sued God! And won! 😃 \*\* [hijack] I never understood how she became a lawyer in the show. When she first appeared wasn’t she a mousy secretary who hired the firm to sue someone? Anyone have an answer? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/26 "2002-09-07T20:40:41Z")
Samuel Cogley. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/27 "2002-09-08T00:41:12Z")
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. His defense never fails and who can resist his caveman-ish charm? ---
**Author:** ![DeepPurple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@DeepPurple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeepPurple)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/28 "2002-09-08T02:38:05Z")
I agree that I’d be guilty & I’d get the lawyer Stephen Root played on Roseanne. “Not-not-not good in court” ---
**Author:** ![BZ00000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/47e85d/32.png) [@BZ00000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BZ00000)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/29 "2002-09-09T02:28:13Z")
Clearly you want the JAG lawyers if you not guilty. Nobody who is not guilty ever goes to jail on that show. If you are guilty go for the lawyers on The Practice. Nobody guilty ever goes to jail on that show. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/30 "2002-09-09T10:06:52Z")
Joe Garelli, the engineer from _NewsRadio_. Because he knows to just say “tubalcane” to the judge if you think you’re going to lose the case. Hey, it worked before. BTW, according to an old promo on WTBS for _Perry Mason_, Perry only ever lost three cases during the run of the show. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/31 "2002-09-09T14:12:09Z")
I WOULDN’T want Perry Mason if I were guilty. IIRC, one of his losses, he put his client on the stand (because he found out they were guilty) and “Crossed” them into confessing. Talk about ineffective assistance of counsel. Lets disbar the guy! ---
**Author:** ![Riboflavin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Riboflavin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riboflavin)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/32 "2002-09-09T22:17:47Z")
I agree with Vibrotronica, but not for the reasons you might think. The problem with picking a TV lawyer is that you don’t get to pick a TV judge, right? So, how well do you think any of these jokers will do in a real courtroom? From what I’ve heard, McCoy’s Question-‘Objection’-‘Withdrawn’ might work once in a real courtroom. The advantage of Harvey Birdman, of course, is that he’s a cartoon - he can’t end up in front of a real judge! “I can no longer… enlarge”. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194/33 "2002-09-09T23:30:55Z")
Riboflavin, I agree. I’d also want a TV opposing counsel. You know, the kind that ONLY objects when my TV lawyer could say “Withdrawn” to make a point. Otherwise, my lawyer couldn’t make long speeches instead of questions or get up in the witness’s face instead of being confined to the podium. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whos-your-tv-lawyer/127194.md?page=1)