# Why all of the stigma on quiet people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 15, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783 "2003-04-15T01:29:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/41 "2003-04-15T19:33:19Z")
You introverts need to relax a little in this thread. The poster quoted by buckleberry was KIDDING! Note the grinning smilie at the end of the post. KIDDING! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/42 "2003-04-15T19:36:29Z")
I realize that. I still found it to be a bit rude and wanted to vent my feelings AND OPINIONS. ::glances at forum title:: I think I am within my rights. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/43 "2003-04-15T19:48:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mephisto \* > \*\*Plus, it usually turns out that it’s the quiet kid who’s responsible for slaughtering everybody–you know, your Norman Bates types. \*\* Except of course, when the murderer is a loudmouthed, swaggering, hand-sign throwing [gangbanger.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=177304) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/44 "2003-04-15T19:48:59Z")
Another quiet one speaking up. One of my favorite side effects of not talking much is that the garrulous people seem to assume that your opinions are right in line with theirs, even when that couldn’t be further from the truth. People will spill their guts to you if you just look attentive! Also, some people think I’m smarter than I actually am because I hold back some of the idiotic stuff that tries to come out of my mouth. The joke’s on them because I’m really a dumb ass! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/45 "2003-04-15T20:23:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sidle \* > \*\*Being raised in a family of talkers, quiet people sometimes make me nervous. > They’re shirking their social duties; not keeping up their end of polite conversation. > \*\* Joking or not, there’s something to this. Many people seem to believe that keeping to yourself when they want you to entertain them and cure their boredom is rude, but they don’t think that attempting to compel you to do something you don’t want to do is rude. This is like harassing me to get me to pay for your lunch because _you’re_ hungry. So, “polite conversation” consists of attempting to compel people to do things they don’t want to do by imposing some kind of “social duty” to talk. How is this polite? An another note, I have noticed that being somewhat quiet has its benefits. When I actually decide to voice an opinion at the aforementioned Board meetings, my opinions seem to carry more weight… kinda like EF Hutton. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/46 "2003-04-15T20:31:48Z")
Thank you for the support, **Bearflag70**. ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/47 "2003-04-15T20:49:02Z")
Apparently - people were offended by my post because I implied that consistently shy people bug the fuck out of me. I do not jabber about pointless, mundane things nor do I expect other people to join me for meaningless conversation. Basically, what I am referring to is people who are so shy you feel “ignored” - nobody likes that. I could care less if someone is shy… I just tend to avoid them more due to a severe lack of any kind of human-to-human stimulation. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/48 "2003-04-15T20:57:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry \* > \*\*Thank you for the support, **Bearflag70**. \*\* No problem. maybe I can buy you a beer sometime and we can just sit and look around the room. **jellen92** , I wasn’t offended at all, just offering up a different perspective. **sidle** , I would just like to add that more than one person has tried to convince me that being quiet is being rude, so even if you were joking, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that bit. My ex-gf said I was being rude by being quiet in a social setting. I said, “Then I guess I’m rude.” She didn’t like that answer. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/49 "2003-04-15T21:00:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Caught@Work \* > \*\*'Tis better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and have it confirmed (or something like that). \*\* The actual quote is: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt – Voltaire. But it seems there is a bit of dispute about the actual origin of this quote. It’s been attributed to Albert Einstein, George Eliot, Groucho Marx, Abraham Lincoln, & Mark Twain, too. And it doesn’t seem to be listed in the standard references (Familiar Quotations, etc.). Maybe we should ask Cecil for the definitive straight dope on this? ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/50 "2003-04-15T21:07:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jellen92 \* > \*\*Apparently - people were offended by my post because I implied that consistently shy people bug the fuck out of me. I do not jabber about pointless, mundane things nor do I expect other people to join me for meaningless conversation. Basically, what I am referring to is people who are so shy you feel “ignored” - nobody likes that. I could care less if someone is shy… I just tend to avoid them more due to a severe lack of any kind of human-to-human stimulation. \*\* Also, from what I understand, being shy is based upon an insecurity around others. Being introverted is just being focussed inward instead of outward. I am somewhat introverted (probably about a 5 on a 10-scale), but not shy. ---
**Author:** ![Dogface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Dogface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogface)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/51 "2003-04-15T21:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sidle \* > \*\*They’re shirking their social duties; not keeping up their end of polite conversation. > > \*\* Perhaps YOU are shirking YOUR social duties by imposing unwanted conversation. Not everybody wants to be a bandarlog. ---
**Author:** ![Dogface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Dogface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogface)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/52 "2003-04-15T21:14:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrotherCadfael \* > \*\*Like it or not, **dogface** , the “he was such a quiet boy” line is indeed the cliche in such cases. Why do you take it so personally? \*\* Are cliches automatically true? Why is it automatically superior to fill time with idle chatter? Why are those who do not fritter away their time with idle chatter automatically not to be trusted? ---
**Author:** ![Trigonal\_Planar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@Trigonal\_Planar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trigonal_Planar)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/53 "2003-04-15T21:21:12Z")
Wow, that article was excellent. Pretty much summed up exactly how I feel. I’m not shy at all; I often volunteer to do presentations as I love being infront of an audience. If I’m with people who _interest me_ (scientists, engineers, intellectuals, etc) I can be very loud and out-spoken. But most of the time I’m with people who have nothing stimulating to say, ergo, I do not partake in the conversation. For me, the whole weather situation works like this: _looks out nearest window_ Hmm, sunny today. Done and done. Why do we need to discuss a fact which everyone can clearly see any longer than this? Now, if I’m discussing with a meteorologist on the high pressure system that has moved into the area due to an unusually large northern shift of the jet stream, I’ll talk for hours 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/54 "2003-04-15T21:23:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dogface \* > \*\*bandarlog \*\* Sounds like a great word, but I have looked for its meaning in two dictionaries and a Google search to no avail. Can you help me? ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/55 "2003-04-15T21:40:17Z")
I hate how those extroverts always say “Hey, shut up!” to me sarcastically. They think they’re funny, but we’ll see how funny they think it is to have their head frozen in my basement. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/56 "2003-04-15T21:42:53Z")
I talk when I have something to say, and don’t when I don’t. I’m introverted in that I don’t enjoy random “polite” chatter, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get into a raucous conversation about something I’m interested in. ---
**Author:** ![Dogface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Dogface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogface)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/57 "2003-04-15T22:25:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bearflag70 \* > \*\*Sounds like a great word, but I have looked for its meaning in two dictionaries and a Google search to no avail. > > Can you help me? \*\* [http://whitewolf.newcastle.edu.au/words/authors/K/KiplingRudyard/verse/p2/bandarlog.html](http://whitewolf.newcastle.edu.au/words/authors/K/KiplingRudyard/verse/p2/bandarlog.html) ---
**Author:** ![ReBusEniGma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@ReBusEniGma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReBusEniGma)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/58 "2003-04-15T22:58:22Z")
An extraordinary thread **themis00** , thank you for posting it. \*\* Murcielago \*\*, you have my gratitude for posting that tremendous article, I too had the same epiphany. > [@](#): > > I’m actually quite introverted personally, but have constructed a carefully crafted professional persona which is quite extroverted, so much so that my coworkers laugh when I claim to be shy. **BrotherCadfael** , substitute your last word \*shy \* with _introverted_, and you have just described me perfectly. I am definitely not shy; I love to have one on one conversations, as long as they are infrequent enough, and when I reply to a post, it’s usually longer than normal (In fact, I’ll usually read a thread more than once before I post). But going out in public tires me, and being around large groups of people (a shopping mall), or where I have to _interact_ with them (like a big party), I find almost more than I can bear and need long periods of solitude to regenerate. It takes a lot of energy to put on the appearance I have in public, the one I, like **BC** have carefully honed over the years. This serves for two reasons, and in this order 1. My SO. She is chronically extraverted…and she understands me thank God… so we meet in the middle. I have learned to adapt and go to certain functions, shopping sometimes etc… thus the ‘other me’, and she in turn has learned to let me be when I have ‘had enough’. 2. My profession. I am always around people, and in management…you can’t get away from public relations. It really does pay off too; I have been praised for my, ‘exceptional relationship-building and communication skills with clients’, while I tend to be a good listening ear for my wife. It’s just like putting sunblock on so you don’t get burned. All in all, it seems to work. ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/59 "2003-04-15T23:37:14Z")
I’m very much introverted (and a social phobic to boot-I’m doomed) but work around extroverts mostly. It’s not easy. I’m constantly frustrated by people who seemingly want me to talk then won’t let me. I was complaining about this one day to a coworker and she replied that since I always pause before I speak they probably thought I wasn’t going to say anything and just start talking again. I was flabbergasted. My entire life I’ve been aware that my personality was different from most around me but until she told me, I was never aware of that pause. Suddenly things made more sense. I’ve tried many times to explain to other coworkers how I am. How my silence doesn’t mean anger, arrogance or indeed, anything other than that I don’t have anything to say. They tell me oh, ok, I understand, no problem. Then next week accuse me of the same stuff all over again. Sigh. They still talk over me too. ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783/60 "2003-04-15T23:44:46Z")
Glad that article struck a chord with others as it did with me. This discussion reminds me of an incident in high school that I feel bad about to this day. I spoke up constantly in class and played sports year round, but avoided the standard hallway conversations before and after class. Everyone knew who I was (whether they wanted to or not), but many found me difficult to approach. The school had a large population of girls who spoke a mile-a-minute with a raised inflection at the end of each sentence. I had remarked several times to my friends that this drove me nuts. So I was in the lunch room on a Monday with several friends when one of these girls (Megan) decides to tell me about her weekend. Her attention to detail was extraordinary. We spoke for several minutes, my end of the conversation consistied of little more than “uh-huh,” “really?,” and “see ya later.” I could see my friends out of the corner of my eye chuckling at my situation. When she left, I slowly crossed my eyes and put my forehead on the table in exasperation. Big laughs all around. Problem was Megan heard the laughing and was crushed. The story was spread (and elaborated) quickly, I gained a new reputation as an awful prick who enjoyed cutting people down behind their back. Eventaully I straightened things out somewhat, but I was glad that senior year was nearly finished. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-of-the-stigma-on-quiet-people/168783.md?page=4)