# Why all the hate against Amber Heard? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 27, 2022, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545 "2022-04-27T14:23:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2022, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/422 "2022-07-04T20:59:11Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > If that quote is reflective of the kind of guy he is, why do his other exes extol his virtues as…checks notes…“he was only ever a a really good, loving and caring guy.” 1. People change. 2. Throwing a heavy object like an ash tray at someone is abusive. 3. Drug use changes people. 4. People who are emotionally unstable may be at their worst around other unstable people, and may behave better around emotionally stable people. and of course 5. The ex who _didn’t_ say that was getting sued for $50 million, so there may be been some slight intimidation going on. > [@EllisDee](#): > > That’s her toxicity rubbing off on him, like riding a bike with your new significant other. Oh shit. If I date someone and they like to ride bikes, I might start riding a bike too. If I date someone and they like to murder puppies, I stop dating them. Riding bikes and abusing your loved ones are not equivalent enough to use for analogies. * * * My takeaway is definitely in the “a pox on both their houses” camp. The abuse appears to have been two-sides, and either of them could have left the relationship as an alternative to continuing the abuse. This “rubbing off” business robs Depp of his essential humanity as an agent capable of action, and I strongly reject it. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2022, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/423 "2022-07-04T23:55:07Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > Yes, exactly. I heard that too. That’s her toxicity rubbing off on him, like riding a bike with your new significant other. Right so this is where you lose me, you’re taking a pretty clear, straight from the horse’s mouth verified example of Depp behaving badly and…blaming it on Heard? I have a hard time understanding that from a neutral perspective, the only way I can see arriving at a conclusion like that is if you’re going at it from a perspective of needing to exonerate Depp. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2022, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/424 "2022-07-04T23:56:13Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Also, the fact that they are both horrible people has no legal bearing on the matter, horrible people are allowed to sue each other and one of them can be proven right and the other wrong at a trial. And here you show your lack of knowledge–a defamation trial isn’t proving who is right or wrong. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/425 "2022-07-05T01:49:23Z")
> [@Martin\_Hyde](#): > > Right so this is where you lose me, you’re taking a pretty clear, straight from the horse’s mouth verified example of Depp behaving badly and…blaming it on Heard? I have a hard time understanding that from a neutral perspective, the only way I can see arriving at a conclusion like that is if you’re going at it from a perspective of needing to exonerate Depp. Because it’s out of character for him based on what his past love interests report. Almost all of his reported bad relationship behavior is confined to the one relationship with Amber Heard. It’s pretty shitty to throw something at someone; I’m not forgetting that, but that one incident seems to be the sum total of his abusiveness outside of Amber Heard. I mean, I could be wrong. Who else publicly denounced him? EDIT: My main point along these lines is that the #MeToo movement showed us that the shitty behavior of these asshole men is never confined to just one instance. It was always woman after woman coming forward saying yep, he did that to me too. Nobody did that with Depp except Ellen Barkin, with the one incident. Which, again, is not nothing. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/426 "2022-07-05T03:08:37Z")
Are you that ignorant? This specific trial was about one person was right and the other wrong. Just stick to whatever your strong point is. This is definitely not it. ---
**Author:** ![ShadowFacts](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfacts/32/2934_2.png) [@ShadowFacts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowFacts)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/427 "2022-07-05T14:10:03Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > I can easily imagine an actor subsuming their personality into their relationships much like a teenager. They don’t seem like the most emotionally mature lot. As the sidest of side notes, this swipe at actors is not at all true. I work with actors on a near-daily basis and they are pretty much like any other human beings. Some of them, indeed, are emotionally immature, some are the exact opposite. In fact, if anything, I would say actors tend to be _more_ emotionally mature than others because they are often very empathetic (having to get into the minds of other characters/people all the time). But you can’t really generalize, and you definitely shouldn’t use some ill-founded view of actors as some kind of “evidence” in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/428 "2022-07-05T15:21:52Z")
> [@ShadowFacts](#): > > > [@EllisDee](#): > > > > I can easily imagine an actor subsuming their personality into their relationships much like a teenager. They don’t seem like the most emotionally mature lot. > > As the sidest of side notes, this swipe at actors is not at all true. I work with actors on a near-daily basis and they are pretty much like any other human beings. **[Leo Bloom](http://www.classicmoviehub.com/quotes/star/zero-mostel/page/1/bio.php?person_id=1956)** : Actors are not animals! They’re human beings! **[Max Bialystock](http://www.classicmoviehub.com/quotes/star/zero-mostel/page/1/bio.php?person_id=9196)** : They are? Have you ever eaten with one? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/429 "2022-07-05T17:20:12Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > EDIT: My main point along these lines is that the #MeToo movement showed us that the shitty behavior of these asshole men is never confined to just one instance. No it did not. It showed us that dudes often have a pattern of abuse, but it showed no such absolute claim. But even if it did: 1. This isn’t just one instance. Depp threw a heavy object at someone he was dating. Have you ever done that? I sure as fuck have not. 2. By his own admission (I think), he got pretty heavily into drugs during his marriage to Heard, and addictions can result in personality changes. 3. If Heard was as abusive as I suspect she was, Depp may have met her abusive violence with abusive violence of his own, in a way he did not do in previous relationships. _This is not an excuse._ There is something grotesque about using the MeToo movement as a way to exonerate Depp. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/430 "2022-07-05T18:15:38Z")
> [@ShadowFacts](#): > > As the sidest of side notes, this swipe at actors is not at all true. I was more thinking about the yawning chasm of neediness that can never be filled inside of anybody that driven to become famous. (ie: All famous actors.) But fair enough, I’ll take that back. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > - By his own admission (I think), he got pretty heavily into drugs during his marriage to Heard, and addictions can result in personality changes. > - If Heard was as abusive as I suspect she was, Depp may have met her abusive violence with abusive violence of his own, in a way he did not do in previous relationships. _This is not an excuse._ I agree with both of these bullet points 100%. It’s kind of my entire point. My conclusion from those two points is to give Depp a pass; his toxicity appears to have been a result of his relationship with Heard. Others conclude that he’s a scumbag. C’est la vie. As for throwing something, yeah, that’s really not a good look. I wouldn’t say he’s a saint, or even a particularly good person, mainly due to that one incident. But I don’t classify him as a toxic scumbag because of it. I would classify him as more ‘kind of an asshole.’ Amber Heard, on the other hand, strikes me as evil incarnate. I see a vast gulf in the level of toxicity when comparing her to Johnny Depp. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/431 "2022-07-05T18:23:01Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > My conclusion from those two points is to give Depp a pass; his toxicity appears to have been a result of his relationship with Heard. I really don’t get this POV. Someone else’s shitty behavior is no real justification for acting shitty. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/432 "2022-07-05T18:30:22Z")
I’m saying he is a relatively regular person who acted shitty, while she is a shitty person. It’s the equivalence that ‘Well they’re both shitty’ that bugs me. She was clearly much, much worse. ETA: I meant relatively regular person just in terms of the shittiness scale. Obviously a filthy rich famous actor isn’t a regular Joe. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/433 "2022-07-05T18:41:25Z")
Heard’s stories were so disgustingly over the top (He raped her with a bottle she wasn’t sure might have been broken…are you fucking kidding me?) And her performance of her distress around it all was so egregiously bad her loss in this was guaranteed. And As far as I can determine, Johnny Depp did not throw an ashtray at Ellen Barkin, either heavy or light. I just watched the testimony from her deposition and there were multiple people in the room, they were standing all together and he tossed a wine bottle in _their_ direction over some thing he was pissed about, Barkin doesn’t know what it was-meaning it wasn’t about her. And she was specific about _correcting_ the characterization the lawyer was making about his action, from saying that Johnny threw a wine bottle to “he tossed it.” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/434 "2022-07-05T18:48:31Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > My conclusion from those two points is to give Depp a pass; his toxicity appears to have been a result of his relationship with Heard. Others conclude that he’s a scumbag. C’est la vie. I absolutely don’t see giving someone a pass when they behave with abusive violence; I can’t really understand that mindset at all. Edit: also, not trying to nitpick, really trying to understand what you’re saying. You quoted me saying that “_This is not an excuse_” (italics in original), and said you 100% agreed with the quoted bits, and that your conclusion is to give him a pass. Am I missing something here? If you’re giving him a pass, I don’t see how you can possibly agree with me. > [@](#): > > As for throwing something, yeah, that’s really not a good look. “Not a good look” is pretty minimizing. It’s not about the optics, it’s about an act of violent abuse. > [@](#): > > Amber Heard, on the other hand, strikes me as evil incarnate. I see a vast gulf in the level of toxicity when comparing her to Johnny Depp. “Evil incarnate”? This almost reads like parody. I genuinely struggle to understand how someone can make that characterization unironically. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/435 "2022-07-05T19:51:43Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > As for throwing something, yeah, that’s really not a good look. > > “Not a good look” is pretty minimizing. It’s not about the optics, it’s about an act of violent abuse He didn’t throw anything at Ellen Barkin, see my post/her deposition. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/436 "2022-07-05T19:53:33Z")
I went back and watched a couple videos of the testimony I had seen before but just to refresh my memory. I’m changing my stance. Amber Heard abused Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp was the victim. Full stop. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/437 "2022-07-05T19:56:55Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > He didn’t throw anything at Ellen Barkin, see my post/her deposition. In all my life I have never in a moment of anger “tossed” a wine bottle toward anyone, much less someone I was in a relationship with. This equivocating is grotesque. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/438 "2022-07-05T20:01:27Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > “Evil incarnate”? This almost reads like parody. I genuinely struggle to understand how someone can make that characterization unironically. I would unironically describe many, many people as evil incarnate. Greg Abbott, Harvey Weinstein, Dick Cheney, every high level Trump aid, etc… For me, toxic abusers like Amber Heard also go in that bucket. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/439 "2022-07-05T20:13:14Z")
To the extent that I cared, I guess I fell into the “justice for Johnny” camp at the outset of the trial. And for no real reason other than passive assimilation of all the media content trashing Amber. But as I’ve actively read more, I can’t understand the support for Depp, whether you think Amber is an abused woman or co-abuser. Throwing something was the one instance of him being shitty?? I have no idea what contortions one must perform to come to that conclusion. His past partners all said he was a saint? [Huh?](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/19/entertainment/amber-heard-johnny-depp-trial/index.html#:~:text=%22Mr.,the%20final%20week%20of%20testimony.) I’d say take a look at the link below, but I honestly doubt it will make a difference for the “evil incarnate” crew. When you are able to look him throwing objects at her and somehow blame it on her, you’re pretty invested in fitting anything into a defined narrative. > **[The Bleak Spectacle of the Amber Heard-Johnny Depp Trial](https://michaelhobbes.substack.com/p/the-bleak-spectacle-of-the-amber?s=w)** > > How a washed-up celebrity, men’s rights activists and true crime stans convinced millions of Americans to buy into a conspiracy theory ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/440 "2022-07-05T20:14:16Z")
Did you watch her depo? It wasn’t at her, or anyone, so far as _she_ saw it. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/IEqN0J2MFH8/maxresdefault.jpg "Ellen Barkin Alleges Johnny Depp Threw a Wine Bottle Towards Her") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEqN0J2MFH8) ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2022, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545/441 "2022-07-05T20:17:32Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > His past partners all said he was a saint? [Huh?](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/19/entertainment/amber-heard-johnny-depp-trial/index.html#:~:text=%22Mr.,the%20final%20week%20of%20testimony.) Could you quote what you’re referring to there? I read the article but didn’t see any of his ex’s bashing him. I did see Ellen Barkin say that he threw a wine bottle, but I don’t see her saying it was at her or even in her direction. Most of that article talks about how he was a drug addict. Okay? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-all-the-hate-against-amber-heard/963545.md?page=23)