# Why am I having such a problem with this? (Warning, teenage boy stuff ahead) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815 "2003-03-12T13:55:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/21 "2003-03-12T15:27:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shijinn \* > \*\*i don’t understand why exactly but i feel obliged to protest the idea of parents passing playboys to their kids… :rolleyes: \*\* I’m not entirely comfortable with it either. I don’t want to give him a condom until he’s older, say 16 or so, since I don’t want him to think I advocate having sex before he’s ready. The Playboy…I know that’s considered a classy magazine, but I still don’t think it’s age appropriate for a younger teenager. I think I’ll just let him know that he’s getting older, and Mom will be knocking on doors before she enters. He’s probably highly embarrassed anyway, I don’t want to make it worse. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/22 "2003-03-12T15:28:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ivylass \* > \*\*You’re right. I should have knocked. That would give him some time to uh—finish up. (Not that it would take long, right guys?) \*\* Or at least pulled his pants up! You could both have politely ignored anything other evidence. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/23 "2003-03-12T15:30:42Z")
You have learned to ALWAYS knock before walking in on your teenage son. I never had the urge to walk in on my teenage brother, knowing full well what teenage guys do when they’re alone. I don’t care that they do it, I just don’t want to think about my baby brother doing it! (He’s almost 19. Not a baby, but still my baby brother.) Here’s another vote for the middle ground. If my brother ever had any porn around, I’m sure it was well hidden. And even if it wasn’t, nobody ever looked. I wouldn’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/24 "2003-03-12T15:46:01Z")
> [@](#): > > .but, oh how the internet has changed the whole world of porn!!! You young’uns have no idea how good you got it. When I was that age looking for free digital porn, we could only get to the stuff on a 9600 baud modem(uphill both ways). Then you had to find a message board or news group where someone had posted a picture. But there was no click and view, no-sir-ee-bob. We had to download 45 separate files and run UUdecode to assemble it into a picture. A’course it never worked the first time, and half the time the program couln’t figure out which one was corrupt, so we had to start over and download the whole thing again. And when we finally got a decoded picture it usually ended up that some bastage smartass who put a picture of a 450 pound dude screwing a pig, and called it 'Big boobed blonde lovers". And the hard drive was only 10 megs or so so if you wanted a nudie library you had to keep it on a huge pile of floppies. But dad’gum it we were grateful for what we got. you kids today don’t appreciate the free porn you got cause you never had to work for it. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/25 "2003-03-12T16:29:53Z")
No advice, just sympathy, **ivylass**. As one of my friends once said, “The phrase ‘and the glory of his manhood filled the room’ takes on a whole new meaning when it’s your SON’S manhood!” ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/26 "2003-03-12T16:57:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ivylass \* > **I’m not entirely comfortable with it either. I don’t want to give him a condom until he’s older, say 16 or so, since I don’t want him to think I advocate having sex before he’s ready.** So if he has sex at 15, you don’t mind him having it unprotected? I’ve never seen any evidence that giving kids condoms causes them to have sex. 16 is too late. Don’t close the barn door after the horse is out. Don’t talk to him about what privacy he does or doesn’t need. Just don’t walk in on him. And don’t bother searching for porn; he’ll just find better ways of hiding it. Let him be, tell him to clean his own room and such, and let him bring it up if he wants to. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/27 "2003-03-12T16:59:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shijinn \* > \*\*i don’t understand why exactly but i feel obliged to protest the idea of parents passing playboys to their kids… :rolleyes: \*\* I’m not saying I LIKE the idea, but I’d rather have my son looking at that than at some of the crap you find on the Internet. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/28 "2003-03-12T17:04:25Z")
Yeah, wouldn’t want your 15 year old looking at tubgirl and thinking that show people get off. ---
**Author:** ![bluetrust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@bluetrust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluetrust)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/29 "2003-03-12T17:05:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shijinn \* > \*\*i don’t understand why exactly but i feel obliged to protest the idea of parents passing playboys to their kids… :rolleyes: \*\* Well, this is why. I once had a friend named Mike N. In high school, his mom worried that without a man around, he would end up gay. She asked him what porn he wanted and bought them. Later she got tired of going into the mall to purchase porn and shelled out cash for a subscription to Playboy, Penthouse, and later – Shaved Asians. She said to me, “videos are disgusting.” She seemed to be pleased with her sex-positive family. About six years later, he had become a collector of bizarre porn. At 22, he was thrown out of the house because his mom caught him sneaking his underage girlfriend into his room to tie her up and perform 3 A.M. anal sex. Together, they (the girlfriend and him) moved into a hotel. She started stripping at a local club with a forged ID. Her first week was so successful, he quit his job at Radio Shack to become her “manager.” Which meant that he sat around and played Final Fantasy all day. Sometime later, she turned 18. At this point, he retitled her with a Japanese name (she was Chinese) and she started making hardcore porn videos. They paid her $300 to perform on camera. She worked once or twice a week. I suppose she wasn’t very good because she got fired from most of her gigs. Then they showed up on my doorstop. Based on our childhood friendship, I let them stay. They were only meant to stay a week but that stretched out into an indeterminable time. Sometimes he would come out of their room with a dumb look in his face, panting and then say, “You really gotta try S&M man.” Then she had a tubal pregnancy because they weren’t using protection. Supposedly she almost died. I visited her in the hospital. She wasn’t a bright kid, but she wasn’t a bad person either. I didn’t like her, but I still felt bad. People shouldn’t have to be operated on. Anyway, two months later on Christmas Day I had enough of them and their late promises to pay their share of the rent. I didn’t like their hentai (japanese animation of tentical rape) posters. He snapped at me and they were told to move or they would be moved. He went back home to mom. His girlfriend broke up with him, and he’s now working on a shrimp boat in Louisiana (supposedly). I think the bizarre relationship between him and his mom was what corrupted his sex mentality and started him on this long path to destruction. I say, let your kid grow up with the sex hangups that the rest of us have. That’s what therapy and first girlfriends are there for. ---
**Author:** ![bluetrust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@bluetrust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluetrust)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/30 "2003-03-12T17:06:54Z")
Bah. I can’t write this early in the morning. That post reads like stereo instructions. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/31 "2003-03-12T17:07:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ivylass \* > \*\*The Playboy…I know that’s considered a classy magazine, but I still don’t think it’s age appropriate for a younger teenager. > \*\* Ha! My mom has a picture of my older sister and I hidden in the linen closet peering over a Playboy with wide, wide eyes. We were about 5 & 6 at the time, IIRC. The photo has a place of honor on the very front page of our family album. 😃 As for the growing son problem–doesn’t seem like much of a problem once you can separate yourself from the emotional aspect of it. Wouldn’t you be _more_ worried if he was exhibiting zero interest in sex, or directing it at questionable sources (like, oh, gardening catalogs)? and **lauramarlane** –I loved your story! Your boy sounds like a peach. ---
**Author:** ![Grim\_Beaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Grim\_Beaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grim_Beaker)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/32 "2003-03-12T17:18:53Z")
[American Pie] Jim’s Dad: Look at the expression on her face…You see that? See what she’s doing? She kind of looking right into your eyes saying, Hey big boy! Heeey…How ya doin’?" You see? Jim: Right. Jim’s Dad: Well, you see the detail, that, uh, that they go into in this picture here…? Jim: Mm-hmm…yeah… Jim’s Dad: It almost looks like a…a tropical plant or something…underwater. Jim: Yeah. [/American Pie] Sorry… I couldn’t resist. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/33 "2003-03-12T17:31:24Z")
I’ve told this story before: My son was about 7 years old when my husband’s Playboy disappeared for a week— and was found under my son’s bed. Being a concerned parent, I asked the pediatrician if I should be worried about a 7 year old sneaking peeks at naked women. The doctor told me: “Well, at least you know he’s not gay.” He’s 15 now and when ever he spends more than 15 minutes in the bathroom either me or my husband will yell at the door “Hey, quit jacking off in there-- other people gotta pee!” Don’t be embarrassed-- embarrass your children instead! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/34 "2003-03-12T17:40:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > \*\* > He’s 15 now and when ever he spends more than 15 minutes in the bathroom either me or my husband will yell at the door “Hey, quit jacking off in there-- other people gotta pee!” > > \*\* I predict your son will be out the house the _instant_ he turns 18! 😃 And, **RickJay** , maybe this is naive on our part, but my husband and I have tried very hard to instill values in our children with regards to sex and marriage. I do not think he will have sex at 15. Of course, check back with me in about six months…I may have attached an electronic ankle bracelet on him by then… ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/35 "2003-03-12T17:42:36Z")
**Ivy** , I’m late as ususal … \ My son is a year older than yours. (turns 15 in July). What bothered me at first was the leg-hair thing … ewwww! My baby gots leg hair !!! Then I began to _realize_ what that meant. Anyway, he used to look thru the Victoria’s Secret, and one of his friends gets Playboy now. What I told him from the beginning (and this included internet stuff which showed up from time to time on my 'puter); “look, son, I know what boobs look like. I don’t need to see boobs around the house”. So, now he doesn’t keep things “out” where Mommy might stumble across them. So, I was up-front with him about a guy’s natural instinct to “look” ~ but asked him for respect about keeping something around which might offend Mommy. Good compromise ensued. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/36 "2003-03-12T17:55:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by In Conceivable \* > \*\*Of course he will find one if he wants it. But people above were advocating his parents **giving** him one. That is what I was doubting was a good idea. \*\* I agree. If I was given a porno mag by my mother when I was 14 I’d have been _creeped_ out. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/37 "2003-03-12T17:56:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*ivylass \*\*\* > I’m not entirely comfortable with it either. I don’t want to give him a condom until he’s older, say 16 or so, since I don’t want him to think I advocate having sex before he’s ready. Too hard to say “I don’t advocate having sex before you’re ready, but when you are, do it right”? ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/38 "2003-03-12T17:59:30Z")
Jesus God, **bluetrust**. I think it’s fair to say that’s a worst-case scenario. BTW, he so did not find that catalog at the bus stop. I’m pretty sure it was making the rounds of his friends, and you’ve interrupted the cycle! Perhaps he’s already seen Playboy, too. Fourteen-year-olds can be pretty savvy these days, although I sure wasn’t at that age. I found out the less clinical sex stuff through my mom’s historical romance novels and Judy Blume’s Forever. I don’t know exactly what to tell you about introducing him to other sources of, er, material. Maybe you could balance out Playboy with The Joy of Sex. **belladonna** , that’s hysterical!! ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/39 "2003-03-12T18:09:01Z")
**belladonna** , I can just imagine that picture. 🙂 And thanks, David is a peach IMHO. My parents owned a small convenience store that sold lots of magazines–my sexual education was supplemented with Playgirl, Penthouse Forum, and a variety of other visual aids so I guess you could say I was among the fortunate, too 🙂 I don’t know how David will gain access to these materials, but he does have lots of friends who have older brothers so I’m sure it’s just a matter of time… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815/40 "2003-03-12T18:33:41Z")
**Bluetrust** , this is why I advocated search and destroy missions for other types of porn. It’s a fine line between healthy sexual curiosity and porn addiction, and this is where I’m inclined to draw it. I don’t advocate buying Playboys and handing them over. I would just leave them behind and burn everything else. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-having-such-a-problem-with-this-warning-teenage-boy-stuff-ahead/160815.md?page=3)