# Why am I so hopeless with women (rare photo evidence)? (long) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 26, 2002, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722 "2002-04-26T05:14:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Jane\_D\_oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jane\_D\_oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_D_oh)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/101 "2002-05-24T13:47:14Z")
Yep, good luck. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you and Pat. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/102 "2002-05-24T18:52:44Z")
Aaargh! Can’t ANYTHING EVER be simple and straightforward? I thought there were only two possible answers for Pat, Yes or No (or silence, which would be “no”). Leave it to her to come up with another. When she came in, she walked straight up to me and said, “Jim, I will respond to your email. I promise. That’s all we need to say about it here”. A few minutes later, she came out of her office and called out down the hall, “I’m sorry I haven’t replied yet. I will.” That was it – I think she is searching for ways to say no in as polite as possible as way. I really can’t see that saying yes would be so stressful. But what do I know? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/103 "2002-05-24T20:47:09Z")
Hey, even if it is no, life goes on. We’ve all been there. If you could find it to ask her out, you can find it to ask someone else out. That’s the hard part, believe me. You sound like somoeone who is a good conversationist, that’s great, that seems to make it easier. But it may not be ‘No’! Stay friends, hang out with her as a friend. From the sounds of it that would be cool too, and you never know…maybe she has a friend, or maybe…the possibilities are endless. I don’t think you need any deep counseling or anything, you sound like a normal low 40’s guy to me, like me. My last girlfriend was in her mid-twenties, and extremely attractive. I always wondered why she’d want to go out with someone like me. But you’ll never know why people go out with certain ones. You never know, it could be you next time. Summer’s coming, (I think), it should be easier. Don’t give up man. Well, time for the free beer and pizza fiesta for Bike-To-Work-Week, c’mon over for a beer-it’s on me! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/104 "2002-05-24T20:58:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Big Cheese \* > \*\*…Well, time for the free beer and pizza fiesta for Bike-To-Work-Week, c’mon over for a beer-it’s on me! 😉 \*\* Pick a place and time, and I will be there! I actually stuck around after work for a bit, looking for another opportunity to talk to her. But she had patients lined up, so I sent her ANOTHER email and left. The text: \>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\> Might I suggest… If you are searching for a polite way to say no, it is really not necessary for you to explain your reasons to me. A simple “No thank you” will suffice. Your reasons are your own. I would not pry into them, or take issue with them. If you are searching for the right way to say yes, I can think of no more pleasing expression than, “Yes, I’d like that”. If you are trying to decide WHETHER to say yes or no, my best advice is “yes”. 🙂 You can always reject me later: I’m difficult to get close to but pretty easy to get away from. Jeez, I wish I could be this articulate in person! \>\>\>\>\> ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/105 "2002-05-27T02:06:28Z")
Ummm, I meant to the Bike-to-work party:free Glass Nickel pizza and 5 microbreweries giving away beer. Mmmm…New Glarus…😃 Remember, when you meet someone, it’s what’s inside that counts. Sounds like you’ve done all you can, now the interminable wait begins. Good luck, **Yo.** Maybe we can have an afterwrok beverage sometime if you can pull yourself out of that new chair of yours, weekends are busy for me though. Anywhere downtown is good for me. Email me if you want. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/106 "2002-05-27T03:23:58Z")
I woulda put a winky by the last sentence, but that’s just me:) And I’m a young’un, so the odds of me knowing what I’m talking about are pretty low:D ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/107 "2002-05-27T14:33:21Z")
Man this is killing me, when is the woman going to come to her senses and say **YES!**? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/108 "2002-05-27T15:01:03Z")
say Yes, say Yes, say Yes, say Yes, say Yes, say Yes, say Yes… this is worse than waiting for the next Harry Potter book… or for the next P.D. James book… must be driving Jim crazier, tho… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/109 "2002-05-27T22:16:34Z")
It’s Monday and no reply yet. Pat is not a web-surfer, she only uses a computer in the office. I AM IN MY NEW PLACE!!! SITING AT NY NEW DESK!!! SITTING IN MY NEW CHAIR (THE WORLD’S FINEST)!!! Life is good this week, Pat or not. I just came back from a dip in the pool. 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Phlip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Phlip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlip)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2002, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/110 "2002-05-28T06:39:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yojimboguy \* > \*\* > I imagine this approach, as I show her the pictures. I hope she will be tempted to say something like, “Can I swim in your pool?” and I will respond something like. “I think you would make an elegant poolside companion. You would be most welcome.” Too indirect? Not aggressive enough? Too creepily serious? What if she doesn’t ask the question? > > I’ve also imagined sending her a link to this thread. Would that be too creepy? > \*\* Thats the creepiest goddamn thing I have ever heard. Sounds like something I would say in a bad dream or something. I am not a ladies man, in fact far frmo it, but think that you should just whip it out and say, “Gimmie some sugar baby”. Worked for Ash. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2002, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/111 "2002-05-28T21:57:50Z")
Pat said “no” in a politely worded email. I won’t reproduce it because she has her own expecations of privacy. But she also stronly implied that we wouldn’t be biking together either, which she apparently took (correctly) to be a disguised invitation for a date in advance of my more explicit invitation. She said she is dating someone alse, which is probably true, but my info from someone who knows her better than I is that she’s not dating any one guy exclusively. So I conclude she doesn’t want to date ME, whatever signals she gave or I _thought_ she gave. Nothing more to say, really. Thanks for everybody’s kind and encouraging words. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2002, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/112 "2002-05-28T22:46:15Z")
The nicest thing about asking someone out via e-mail is that the rejection letters are usually pretty good. I know I got my nicest shoot down that way. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/113 "2002-05-29T04:54:21Z")
Well, that just sucks. But you know, you’re going to meet a new neighbour in your new place, and things will just fall into place for the two of you without all of this agonizing soul-searching and debating. Thus I have spoken, so mote it be. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/114 "2002-05-29T05:01:59Z")
Dude, I could always use my awesome powers of hypnosis on her … although that might cause her to blow me instead of you. Not that that’s a bad thing from MY end, but it would be a trifle rude of me to poach your desired honey. Maybe I could hypnotize her, but before she blew me, I’d tell her I wanted to turn out the lights. Then you could run into the room and take my place! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/115 "2002-05-29T05:10:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*Dude, I could always use my awesome powers of hypnosis on her … although that might cause her to blow me instead of you. Not that that’s a bad thing from MY end, but it would be a trifle rude of me to poach your desired honey. > > Maybe I could hypnotize her, but before she blew me, I’d tell her I wanted to turn out the lights. Then you could run into the room and take my place! \*\* I think given the air fares and travel times between here and CA, it would be more efficient for me just to hire a hooker. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/116 "2002-05-29T12:30:47Z")
☹ ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/117 "2002-05-29T14:08:11Z")
Aw, crap. Well, write me down for one who would have been confused by the signals, too. Just don’t give up because of this, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/118 "2002-05-29T15:23:11Z")
/raises her hand I agree with Gundy, that was very confusing. That was, in my view certainly, a way of sending off a huge “I’m interested in you!” signal flare to a guy. Maybe she was just being flirty because she’s fond of you and got carried away, only later realizing what that might have meant. I’m sorry for encouraging you only in that you had to deal with rejection. I’m not sorry in that at least you dared try. You broke out of an old habit that kept you away from dating women, and I hope you keep it up. It’s easy to stay in the familiar even though it can be bad for you; it takes effort to keep trying regardless. Heck, my husband met me when I was in a long-distance relationship - an unhappy one, but I was more comfortable being stuck in that pattern where at least I knew what to expect rather than venturing out. He stuck around as the “nice but very interested guy” - also dealing with rejection from me - and finally I dumped my ex and hooked up with him. I’m not advocating trying again with Pat. I’m saying I’m proud you tried and hope you continue looking for opportunities. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/119 "2002-05-29T16:22:22Z")
What **Gundy and DeniseV** said. But at least you did it…you asked her out. Very good job. ---
**Author:** ![Aristides](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Aristides](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aristides)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722/120 "2002-05-29T16:45:24Z")
Dude, just come out with my girlfriend and I. I am sure the two of us could help you find someone, either Ms. right or Ms. rightnow. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-am-i-so-hopeless-with-women-rare-photo-evidence-long/105722.md?page=7)