# Why are "8 maids a-milking" so cheap? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2018, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695 "2018-12-06T18:14:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anny\_Middon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Anny\_Middon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anny_Middon)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/1 "2018-12-06T18:14:32Z")
According to [this article](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/11/15/price-12-days-christmas-gifts/2004002002/), the current price of the “Twelve Days of Christmas” gifts is over $39,000. I assume that the gifts that are people doing something are priced at what it could cost to have them go to the recipient’s home and do their thing for an hour or so. Given that, I guess the price of $2,800+ for eleven pipers piping and $3,000+ for twelve drummers drumming make sense. But eight maids a-milking will set you back only $58? This must be based on the rosy-eyed assumption that the recipient just happens to have eight dairy cows, but even so – you can really get a maid to visit someone’s home to milk a cow for a bit over $7? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/2 "2018-12-06T18:15:44Z")
Maybe minimum wage, being $7.25. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/3 "2018-12-06T18:21:54Z")
If you go to the [website that does the actual pricing](https://www.pncchristmaspriceindex.com/), it specifically states that they’re basing the maids a-milking on the federal minimum wage. Whereas the performers are based on what it would cost to hire a dance company etc. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/4 "2018-12-06T18:22:57Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Maybe minimum wage, being $7.25. In fact, the [actual “study” of the prices](https://www.pncchristmaspriceindex.com/), done by PNC Bank (and linked to in the USA Today article) quotes the Federal minimum wage as what they used for pricing the milkmaids. Their math is terribly simple, and apparently assumes that milkable cows are available at no additional coast, or that the recipient would have cows in need of milking. 🙂 The other “people” stanzas of the song (days 9-12) all appear to be priced based on the idea that one is hiring trained professionals for the dancing, leaping, etc. Edit: ninja’d by muldoonthief. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anny\_Middon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Anny\_Middon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anny_Middon)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/5 "2018-12-06T18:52:21Z")
I guess that minimum wage makes some sense, but not much. I think you’re assuming a lot if you assume that someone you can get for minimum wage in any urban area actually knows how to milk a cow. Plus there’s carfare. No one wants to work for a pretax $7.25 if it costs them $15 to get there and back. What are they getting for the lords a-leaping, trained gymnasts? Or are they pricing out actual lords? 'Cause I really think you could get guys at minimum wage to go to a house and jump around a bit. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/6 "2018-12-06T19:19:57Z")
I would have just gone with 8 times however much milk you get from a cow per day. Which google says is 8 gallons per, so 64 gallons. Let’s be generous and say that’s $4/gallon, so $256. I like that method because it incorporates the cost of the cow, the labor and skill involved in milking (or lack thereof in the case of modern robotic milk maids), as well as distribution costs and profit. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/7 "2018-12-06T19:47:35Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > I would have just gone with 8 times however much milk you get from a cow per day. Which google says is 8 gallons per, so 64 gallons. Let’s be generous and say that’s $4/gallon, so $256. I like that method because it incorporates the cost of the cow, the labor and skill involved in milking (or lack thereof in the case of modern robotic milk maids), as well as distribution costs and profit. But it’s the maids that are the ‘gift’, not the milk… ‘One mechanised milking machine sufficient for 8 cows (not included)’ doesn’t scan. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/8 "2018-12-06T20:08:46Z")
But the point is, if you’re buying milk for $2 a gallon, or whatever, that means that somewhere in the murky depths of the supply chain, someone paid someone else less than that to do the corresponding milking. And yeah, maybe the “milkmaid” was a robot, but the prices of the jewelry and birds are also affected by modern industrial techniques, and nobody worries about that. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/9 "2018-12-06T20:11:54Z")
The maids _themselves_ aren’t the gift though, just their milking services. That’s how I would interpret “maids a-milking”. I suppose we could instead imagine these are particularly talented maids who sing and dance while performing a synchronized cow-milking show. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/10 "2018-12-06T20:17:35Z")
Yeah if the maids were to be purchased/acquired as slaves/indentured servants, that would cost far more. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/11 "2018-12-06T20:18:49Z")
Ten Lords a-leaping costs $10,000? OK, I guess if you wanna hire 10 acrobats to come to your house to put on a show, you’re gonna have to pay them $1000 each. Same for nine Ladies dancing. But I defy you to actually be able to hire 8 unmarried female day laborers to come to your house and work for an hour milking cows and pay them each $7.25 for one hour of minimum wage work. It can’t be done that way, for the exact same reason you can’t hire dancers for an hour and pay them minimum wage. Yes, you can hire some of the Spanish speaking day laborers hanging around the Home Depot parking lot for pretty cheap. But not for one hour of work, that “one hour” would in reality take up most of the day and they’d forgo any other chance of getting work that day. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/12 "2018-12-06T21:13:38Z")
I’ll have to call the local cow rental place to see what their hourly rates are. Maybe I can get bulk pricing for 8 cows? Maybe you’d only need 4 cows with two maids on opposite sides per cow. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/13 "2018-12-06T21:14:39Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > The maids _themselves_ aren’t the gift though, just their milking services. That’s how I would interpret “maids a-milking”. I suppose we could instead imagine these are particularly talented maids who sing and dance while performing a synchronized cow-milking show. You wouldn’t expect the lords to be a leaping somewhere else, even if it would be cheaper and altogether more sensible, given the space required for even a small lord to jump and the fact that my house is currently full of birds. The specification says ‘maids a milking’ not ‘milked cows’. Maybe it’s a fetish thing. Regardless, if I’d ordered maids a milking and got an automated milking machine, I’d call trading standards. I’d possibly think of someplace better for the pipers to go pipe than my house though. The geese’d stop laying for a start. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/14 "2018-12-06T21:33:45Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > Maybe you’d only need 4 cows with two maids on opposite sides per cow. In theory (and in practice with a milking machine) it’s possible to milk all four teats at once, so you could potentially get by with only two cows. Or heck, maybe all the maids just take turns at milking one cow. Or one goat, even. Ain’t nothing in the song about all the maids necessarily milking **simultaneously**. ---
**Author:** ![pete66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8c91f0/32.png) [@pete66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pete66)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/15 "2018-12-06T21:51:01Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > I’ll have to call the local cow rental place to see what their hourly rates are. Maybe I can get bulk pricing for 8 cows? > > Maybe you’d only need 4 cows with two maids on opposite sides per cow. Prices seem to vary. Looks a lot cheaper than i would have thought.🙂 [Rent Cows - Rent a Cow.com](http://rentacow.weebly.com/rent-cows.html) ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/16 "2018-12-06T21:56:58Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > But I defy you to actually be able to hire 8 unmarried female day laborers to come to your house and work for an hour milking cows and pay them each $7.25 for one hour of minimum wage work. It can’t be done that way, for the exact same reason you can’t hire dancers for an hour and pay them minimum wage. It’s a gig economy. You pull up your Malk app to get some independent contractors to come on over in between their Postmate runs. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/17 "2018-12-06T22:01:55Z")
And isn’t the minumn wage for farm labor less? I know is used to be Brian ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2018, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/18 "2018-12-07T01:58:21Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > I would have just gone with 8 times however much milk you get from a cow per day. Which google says is 8 gallons per, so 64 gallons. Let’s be generous and say that’s $4/gallon, so $256. Actually the price of milk has dropped[below $15 per hundred pounds](https://www.agweb.com/article/plunge-in-milk-prices-stresses-dairy-farmers--naa-associated-press/), so that would work out to less than $9.60. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2018, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/19 "2018-12-07T02:27:00Z")
> [@Anny\_Middon](#): > > I guess that minimum wage makes some sense, but not much. I think you’re assuming a lot if you assume that someone you can get for minimum wage in any urban area actually knows how to milk a cow. Why would somebody in a urban area have cows that needed to be milked? I think we can safely assume that the cows and the maids are in some rural community. I worked on a dairy farm when I was younger. I got paid by the day not the hour. And it was well below minimum wage. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2018, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695/20 "2018-12-07T03:05:21Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > You wouldn’t expect the lords to be a leaping somewhere else, even if it would be cheaper and altogether more sensible, given the space required for even a small lord to jump and the fact that my house is currently full of birds. > > The specification says ‘maids a milking’ not ‘milked cows’. Maybe it’s a fetish thing. Regardless, if I’d ordered maids a milking and got an automated milking machine, I’d call trading standards. > > I’d possibly think of someplace better for the pipers to go pipe than my house though. The geese’d stop laying for a start. If they’re Canada geese, isn’t that a good thing? “Reduce the surplus population…” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-8-maids-a-milking-so-cheap/825695.md?page=2)