# Why are Americans so hostile towards people who complain? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 21, 2015, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503 "2015-05-21T11:46:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/1 "2015-05-21T11:46:32Z")
It seems like in the United States there is this expectation that people are happy all the time, no matter how crappy their life situation is. Is it a human thing or just a uniquely American thing? I just notice in general that people who complain in America, no matter how legitimate or reasonable their complaint is, are scorned and labelled as “whiners”. There is a very interesting article about America, and especially the West Coast’s tendency to be “attitude fanatics” - that is, the New Agey tendency to blame someone’s weaknesses entirely on their attitude and personality, when the real factors may very well be external and beyond their personal control. [http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Attitude\_Fanatics.htm](http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Attitude_Fanatics.htm) Do you think it relates to America’s victim-blaming belief that we live in the “land of the free” and “best country in the world” and anyone who is unhappy is simply not utilizing their freedom, and deserves anything bad that comes their way because it’s the result of their own moral faults? Whether it’s the poor, a rape victim, a black person, etc, it seems like Americans tend to blame _them_ and not their circumstances or the person that hurt them. I’m quite British in spirit, and I love to “have a whine” when I have a good reason to (only to friends/family and on the Internet, I don’t burden strangers in public with my gripes obviously). However I am still an optimist and I rarely complain about people, only about situations, places, or circumstances. Yet I find I only encounter hostility when I express negativity, even from my friends and family, so I’ve learned to just keep quiet when I’m upset. I think complaining can be a good thing, and constructive. A society that is overly hostile towards people who have gripes and witch hunts “whiners” can’t even identify its weaknesses, so it’s only going to become more and more unhappy and dysfunctional. Does anyone agree? Or am I just being a “whiner” and should get back to being unconditionally smiley and happy? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/2 "2015-05-21T11:52:27Z")
What are you blathering about now, then? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/3 "2015-05-21T11:58:19Z")
Remember when the Brits were all stiff upper lip and casual understatement? Those Brits were so cool. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/4 "2015-05-21T12:04:57Z")
Really? To me it feels like complaining is all we Americans pretty much do–that, and being offended. It’s what our country was founded on, by gum. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/5 "2015-05-21T12:16:46Z")
Because complaining without offering a valid alternative is whining, and whining is not part of the vigorous life. No one expects you to be always happy but they do ask you to be constructive. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/6 "2015-05-21T12:27:31Z")
**Subsequent thread sighting!** “So I broke my neck Sunday.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/7 "2015-05-21T12:32:22Z")
I’m sure you would find Barbara Ehrenreich’s [Smile or Die](http://www.amazon.com/Smile-Die-Positive-Thinking-America/dp/1847081738) interesting reading. Here is [a good summary](http://www.theguardian.com/books/2010/jan/10/smile-or-die-barbara-ehrenreich) in an Observer article. > [@](#): > > Thus it was that positive thinking, the assumption that one only has to think a thing or desire it to make it happen, began its rapid rise to influence. Today, as Ehrenreich shows, it has a massive impact on business, religion and the world’s economy. She describes visits to motivational speaker conferences where workers who have recently been made redundant and forced to join the short-term contract culture are taught that a “good team player” is by definition “a positive person” who “smiles frequently, does not complain, is not overly critical and gratefully submits to whatever the boss demands”. These are people who have less and less power to chart their own futures, but who are given, thanks to positive thinking, “a world-view – a belief system, almost a religion – that claimed they were, in fact, infinitely powerful, if only they could master their own minds.” ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/8 "2015-05-21T12:35:28Z")
I don’t have an answer (yet) for the OP, but it’s a very trenchant observation about American culture. It definitely affects our political climate and our ability to address problems. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/9 "2015-05-21T12:40:45Z")
Americans don’t like to complain? That’s a bold theory, one that doesn’t exactly match with my own experience. Perhaps we need better evidence for it than a ranting blog entry by an Internet crank. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/10 "2015-05-21T12:47:12Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Because complaining without offering a valid alternative is whining, and whining is not part of the vigorous life. > > No one expects you to be always happy but they do ask you to be constructive. Seconded. Americans tend to be goal-oriented problem-solvers. If you’re just going to gripe, you’re boring me. If you have a good idea for how to fix the problem, I’m listening. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/11 "2015-05-21T13:15:41Z")
Wining can be a energy stealing mode, in such it is a learned behavior, by expressing yourself that you feel hurt you attract others who express caring to you. Which is a exchange of love (energy) from them to you, and that feels good, and is IMHO the way it’s suppose to work. There is a net buildup of energy (more is created by this type of giving and receiving) However when it becomes wining it is not the same, it is a demand for that energy from others, it is taking, not receiving. Thus there is a net loss of energy (in taking some of it goes away). People feel drained around such a person and will eventually leave them. [QUOTE=protoboard] the New Agey tendency to blame someone’s weaknesses entirely on their attitude and personality, when the real factors may very well be external and beyond their personal control. [/QUOTE] Some people may find my beliefs new agey 🙂 and in that sense I disagree with your assertion here. It is my belief that even though their are real world factors that are beyond your personal control and things you can not change, the power to overcome is entirely and exclusively within that person. The circumstances we find ourselves in are for us to learn from them, learn why they happen, what do we need to do in our lives. People who just say the world is unfair are looking at it from a already defeated position, and that will prevent them from seeing that their is a solution. ---
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/12 "2015-05-21T13:27:17Z")
I don’t know that people are hostile to complaining in real life. I think you see it more on the internet, because there’s a vocal minority who’re staunch defenders of the status quo. Some of them are beneficiaries of the status quo. Others have just bought into their world view. Part of it may be the “America is the best country in the world” attitude; which is stupid, imo, but very prevalent. It’s almost like being patriotic: saying it shows you’re a patriot. How can you complain about the best country in the world? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/13 "2015-05-21T13:38:34Z")
I think it’s a tactic by the labeler to attempt to seize dominance in the social interaction. We Americans are awfully sensitive about that these days. My own WAG is it has to do with the spotlight on alpha/beta behavior pointed out during the 2000 presidential campaign and 9/11 (and its attendant fallout). It may be years before the zeitgeist turns and the masses differentiate real strength from fake-tough bluster again. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/14 "2015-05-21T13:41:01Z")
Chronic complaining I have no use for. Complaining as a general course of conversation is boring. A little complaining about lifes issues friend to friend I have no problem with. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/15 "2015-05-21T13:58:11Z")
I question the premise. We _love_ complaining. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/16 "2015-05-21T14:06:25Z")
I think thinking of us as the best country in the world is a problem, yes. I also don’t like complaining too much and find people do entirely too much of it. All they do is focus on the negative, and thus, all they see is the negative. I hate Negative Nellies. No, I can’t rectify my situation or make my world better by being positive. But I can improve my day-to-day life and be more cheerful about what I have to face. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/17 "2015-05-21T14:08:46Z")
I believe for a good percentage of people who complain a lot, they don’t really have an interest in talking about anything that doesn’t relate to their own condition. If you talk a lot about what’s bothering YOU, you are probably not giving the other person much attention during the conversation. It’s damned boring. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/18 "2015-05-21T14:45:01Z")
I’m going to chime in and say that complaining as a phase or a component of identifying and solving a problem is pretty common and accepted. As is complaining about things that are relatively temporary, and that can be changed. However, chronic complaining about things that can’t or won’t be changed, or complaining without any kind of motion toward a solution on things that can be changed are highly frowned upon, especially if it’s particularly bitter or rancorous bitching. Also, complaining about things that aren’t really problems, but just differences in perception tend to get the stink-eye as well. In other words, griping about Obama is ok, because they can (have to) vote for someone else come the next Presidential election. Complaining that the roads are potholed, and then agitating at City Hall for more road repair funds is ok. But bitterly griping that it’s hot and humid in Houston in July, or that it’s cold in Minneapolis in January, or bitching that Europe is so much better than the US because of X, Y and Z, and neglecting that the US is better in P, D and Q tends to get you labeled as a whiner and a grump in pretty short order. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/19 "2015-05-21T15:02:05Z")
> [@bump](#): > > But bitterly griping that it’s hot and humid in Houston in July… July? It’s hot and humid right nnnnowwwwww! _sniff_ (at least it ain’t snow.) ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/20 "2015-05-21T15:23:32Z")
All I hear is complaining. Not my experience at all. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503.md?page=2)