# Why are Americans so hostile towards people who complain? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 21, 2015, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503 "2015-05-21T11:46:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/21 "2015-05-21T15:26:15Z")
YMMV, but people complain about the weather all the time. It is one of the things it’s completely acceptable to complain about. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/22 "2015-05-21T15:45:44Z")
At the risk of poisoning the well, I point out that the author of the linked piece at one point joined this board, where he began cranking out threads “asking questions” about America’s extensive deficiencies before being quickly banned. To say he has something of an agenda would not be an unfair characterization. His OPs were disappeared, but [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=371556) discusses his brief tenure as a Doper. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/23 "2015-05-21T15:49:39Z")
If by complaining, you mean expressing negative feelings or disparaging opinions, then I agree that most people are not a fan when done excessively. I know I’m not, not unless you’re being humorous about it. If I were to come up with a generalization about Americans, I’d say we tend to be quite hostile to people who complain about unfairness. Which is strange, considering that we like to play up how egalitarian and “free” our society is. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/24 "2015-05-21T16:06:28Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > At the risk of poisoning the well, I point out that the author of the linked piece at one point joined this board, where he began cranking out threads “asking questions” about America’s extensive deficiencies before being quickly banned. To say he has something of an agenda would not be an unfair characterization. > > His OPs were disappeared, but [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=371556) discusses his brief tenure as a Doper. Good pick-up! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/25 "2015-05-21T16:20:53Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > It seems like in the United States there is this expectation that people are happy all the time, no matter how crappy their life situation is. > > \ > > Does anyone agree? Or am I just being a “whiner” and should get back to being unconditionally smiley and happy? If I’m reading the OP right and trying to be serious: I agree slightly. But having seen how happy people manage to be in total destitution in Third World countries, it’s hard for me to raise much sympathy for even our most down-trodden. Say inflation and I think more Zimbabwe, poverty and I’m more Cambodia or Ethiopia. Lack of basic rights and my first thought is some of the Middle East and northern Africa. It doesn’t mean all of us in the US have a bed of roses; but some of the other guys really have the shitty end of the stick and still manage a laugh or smile here and there. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/26 "2015-05-21T16:31:40Z")
It seems to me that the whole “all they do is complain” trope comes into play in matters of public discourse when someone is complaining about injustice and inequality. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/27 "2015-05-21T16:33:18Z")
As very often happens when someone starts a thread asking “Why are _specific group of people_ so _stereotypical quality_?” I am doubtful that the premise is true. Do Americans really complain less than stiff-upper-lip Brits or team-player Japanese? Do people in other countries really looove folks who bitch and moan and whine all the time? > [@kanicbird](#): > > Wining can be a energy stealing mode… Well, if you’re talking about **wining** , Americans actually had a constitutional prohibition of it for a while there. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/28 "2015-05-21T18:50:47Z")
> [@LinusK](#): > > YMMV, but people complain about the weather all the time. It is one of the things it’s completely acceptable to complain about. Maybe “climate” would have been a better term. What I meant was that if I was to complain about all the rainy weather that we’ve had here lately, that wouldn’t be construed as particuarly offensive. Most people’s patience with a month or more of torrential thunderstorms every 3-4 days is growing thin. But if I went on at length about how terrible the hot and dry summers in Dallas are, it might be considered annoying; that’s just how summers are here, and no amount of bitching is going to change any of it the least bit. Maybe that’s the defining factor; bitching about temporary stuff is ok, but bitching about permanent or near-permanent stuff is considered obnoxious, and get the “Either do something about it, or STFU” type response. ---
**Author:** ![LinusK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@LinusK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LinusK)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/29 "2015-05-21T19:03:53Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It seems to me that the whole “all they do is complain” trope comes into play in matters of public discourse when someone is complaining about injustice and inequality. +1 ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/30 "2015-05-21T22:52:34Z")
> [@The\_Understander](#): > > I think it’s a tactic by the labeler to attempt to seize dominance in the social interaction. We Americans are awfully sensitive about that these days. My own WAG is it has to do with the spotlight on alpha/beta behavior pointed out during the 2000 presidential campaign and 9/11 (and its attendant fallout). > > It may be years before the zeitgeist turns and the masses differentiate real strength from fake-tough bluster again. The irony is that the people who whine most about “whiners” tend to be the biggest complainers themselves! ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/31 "2015-05-21T22:55:29Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > At the risk of poisoning the well, I point out that the author of the linked piece at one point joined this board, where he began cranking out threads “asking questions” about America’s extensive deficiencies before being quickly banned. To say he has something of an agenda would not be an unfair characterization. > > His OPs were disappeared, but [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=371556) discusses his brief tenure as a Doper. I can assure you that we are not the same person! ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/32 "2015-05-21T22:57:01Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > If I’m reading the OP right and trying to be serious: > > I agree slightly. But having seen how happy people manage to be in total destitution in Third World countries, it’s hard for me to raise much sympathy for even our most down-trodden. Say inflation and I think more Zimbabwe, poverty and I’m more Cambodia or Ethiopia. Lack of basic rights and my first thought is some of the Middle East and northern Africa. It doesn’t mean all of us in the US have a bed of roses; but some of the other guys really have the shitty end of the stick and still manage a laugh or smile here and there. How much money do you make? I would argue that are indeed people in the US who are just as deprived as many in Africa. If you include social and spiritual deprivation, far more so even. At least if you’re poor in Africa there is no shame in it and people will want to be your friend. In America even your family will shun and distance themselves from you. Someone’s enjoyment and rights in America are directly proportional to their bank account. It’s hard to be happy when not only are you materially deprived and hungry but nobody will even talk to you, and society blames you for your own suffering. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/33 "2015-05-22T00:27:52Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Really? To me it feels like complaining is all we Americans pretty much do–that, and being offended. It’s what our country was founded on, by gum. No kidding. If the OP is right, I’ve apparently lived among the wrong Americans my whole life. I can name any number of people who have been drenched with praise for complaining, usually about stupid things. [Sandra Fluke](http://reason.com/archives/2012/03/07/sandra-flukes-protection-racket): lies about being unable to afford birth control, gets nationwide fame and an invite to the Democratic convention. [Cliven Bundy](http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/dec/29/rancher-cliven-bundy-still-grazing-his-cattle-on-d/?page=all): complains about government enforcing law on its own land, gets invited to nationwide radio shows. [Emma Sulkowitz](http://reason.com/archives/2015/05/20/columbia-rape-saga-lingers-after-mattress): makes false rape accusation, complains that Columbia University won’t expel the man she falsely accused, gets nationwide praise and an invite to the State of the Union. So yeah, far from scorning those who complain, American society rewards them with fame, praise, and money. What **Protoboard** said is the opposite of what’s true. (Which, given what he’s posted [before](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18366496&postcount=1), surely can’t surprise anyone.) ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/34 "2015-05-22T01:23:11Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > How much money do you make? > \ > In America even your family will shun and distance themselves from you. Someone’s enjoyment and rights in America are directly proportional to their bank account. It’s hard to be happy when not only are you materially deprived and hungry but nobody will even talk to you, and society blames you for your own suffering. I get this for agreeing slightly? Wonder what I would have gotten if I had said the OP was totally correct? 😃 I make around 14k a year, Herself makes a bit more, and we have little trouble finding people to talk with, family to share with and laugh with, and ways to enjoy ourselves. Same goes for a cousin who supports his family of four on about 16k. And then you have the poor side of our family who still manage without much to complain about. But we are hardly average Americans these days and your mileage (as well as family and friends, it seems) may vary greatly. ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/35 "2015-05-22T01:45:59Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > I get this for agreeing slightly? Wonder what I would have gotten if I had said the OP was totally correct? 😃 > > I make around 14k a year, Herself makes a bit more, and we have little trouble finding people to talk with, family to share with and laugh with, and ways to enjoy ourselves. Same goes for a cousin who supports his family of four on about 16k. And then you have the **poor side of our family who still manage without much to complain about**. But we are hardly average Americans these days and your mileage (as well as family and friends, it seems) may vary greatly. Are you sure they don’t complain just because they fear judgment? Just because someone puts on a happy face, doesn’t really mean they are content. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/36 "2015-05-22T03:00:57Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > ? I would argue that are indeed people in the US who are just as deprived as many in Africa. If you include social and spiritual deprivation, far more so even. At least if you’re poor in Africa there is no shame in it and people will want to be your friend. In America even your family will shun and distance themselves from you. Someone’s enjoyment and rights in America are directly proportional to their bank account. Can you present any solid, verifiable evidence that this is actually true in even a small percentage of cases? ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/37 "2015-05-22T03:05:40Z")
People complain about everything in America… ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/38 "2015-05-22T03:19:49Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > Are you sure they don’t complain just because they fear judgment? Fearing judgement by people equal or below them socially? Or really giving a shit what the commuter crowd thinks? You are kidding me, right? **Protoboard** , we got more picnics, churches, clubs and fellowship - more cookouts and block parties - in the ghetto than you could ever imagine having. Would I like to be Bill Gates wealthy? Maybe at least some days. But however much or little we got, we do OK by our standards. I’ll extend the same invitation I always do; you can always come judge for yourself. I’d be pleased to give you a personal tour of a part of the United States you missed. And maybe some day I’ll come visit yours. Because I haven’t found the place yet anything close to what you describe. We could both fight each others ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/39 "2015-05-22T14:23:00Z")
> [@ITR\_champion](#): > > Can you present any solid, verifiable evidence that this is actually true in even a small percentage of cases? I’m not sure it’s possible to present verifiable evidence of “spiritual deprivation”, (though I assumed _you_ would be receptive to that particular line of… whatever it is.) ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/40 "2015-05-22T19:06:40Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’m not sure it’s possible to present verifiable evidence of “spiritual deprivation”, (though I assumed _you_ would be receptive to that particular line of… whatever it is.) I’ve always thought silly demands for proof of that nature are just thinly veiled ad hominems, in other words, basically accusing someone of being stupid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503.md?page=3)