# Why are Americans so hostile towards people who complain? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 21, 2015, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503 "2015-05-21T11:46:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/41 "2015-05-22T20:20:44Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > How much money do you make? I would argue that are indeed people in the US who are just as deprived as many in Africa. If you include social and spiritual deprivation, far more so even. At least if you’re poor in Africa there is no shame in it and people will want to be your friend. In America even your family will shun and distance themselves from you. Someone’s enjoyment and rights in America are directly proportional to their bank account. It’s hard to be happy when not only are you materially deprived and hungry but nobody will even talk to you, and society blames you for your own suffering. Ah yes its so much better to be poor in the lush paradise of Africa. Look at the hellish existence of the poor here-living in some cramped apartment or aged house, working at some minimum-wage paying service job, and being forced to make ends meet via meagre food stamps and Medicaid. That’s so much worse then living in a wartorn land where you get to be a soldier at 14 for some demented warlord if you are male and a carbon-based sex toy if you are a female, at two-thirds of the average life expectancy of Americans. Yes I’m sure Africans never need to bribe local officials to “enjoy” whatever rights the local President-for-Life decided to grant them. But yes muh feelings uber alles. :rolleyes::dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/42 "2015-05-22T22:33:12Z")
There is very good reason to believe that it’s much easier to be happy in a society in which there is relatively less disparity between rich and poor, even if “poor” in that society is in a material sense much lower than the poor in a society in which you come face to face with much greater disparity all the time. So yes while a poor person is objectively on average better off on America than a poor person elsewhere, it’s the disparity between rich and poor that has to be solved ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/43 "2015-05-22T23:04:57Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > How much money do you make? I would argue that are indeed people in the US who are just as deprived as many in Africa. If you include social and spiritual deprivation, far more so even. At least if you’re poor in Africa there is no shame in it and people will want to be your friend. In America even your family will shun and distance themselves from you. Someone’s enjoyment and rights in America are directly proportional to their bank account. It’s hard to be happy when not only are you materially deprived and hungry but nobody will even talk to you, and society blames you for your own suffering. Really?! There is no shame in being poor, and it’s relative anyway. I have friends who are very poor and I have no problem being friends with them. I also have friends who make more in one year than I will see in a life time. I like my friends because they are my friends, I don’t look at bank accounts. One of the happiest couples I know are living in a pop up trailer parked in his brother’s yard. They have very little in material things and they are happy just as they are. Some of the most miserable people I know have lots of money. They are the kind that if they won $200 million in the lottery they’d bitch that they should have won the next week when the jackpot would have been bigger. Happiness is a state of mind. The only ‘poor’ people I distance myself from are the ones who try to mooch off me and don’t do anything to help themselves. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/44 "2015-05-23T09:03:14Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Remember when the Brits were all stiff upper lip and casual understatement? Those Brits were so cool. Most of us still retain the stiff upper upper lip and are not prone to overstatement. However, we bear no relation to ‘The Fonz’ and certainly wouldn’t describe ourselves with the rather awful American definition of the perfectly acceptable word ‘Cool’. Mustn’t grumble, though… ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/45 "2015-05-23T10:19:04Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > As very often happens when someone starts a thread asking “Why are _specific group of people_ so _stereotypical quality_?” I am doubtful that the premise is true. Do Americans really complain less than stiff-upper-lip Brits or team-player Japanese? Do people in other countries really looove folks who bitch and moan and whine all the time? yeah, this. I don’t think I’ve seen anything that would support “hatred of complaining” as some sort of national ethos. I complain about things all the time. what I (personally) dislike is when someone complains about the same things all the time. That’s where I take a “do something about it, or get someone to help you with it.” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/46 "2015-05-23T10:37:42Z")
[Why would you complain when everything is awesome?!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StTqXEQ2l-Y) Well, I don’t know if the “article” is anything more than someone’s anecdotal opinion on a blog somewhere. It also paints with a pretty big brush. But from my own anecdotal experiences as someone who has grown up as an upper-middle class white man, there is a bit of a cultural expectation to maintain a sort of vapid, always positive, “believe and you will achieve” mentality. From early on in school, there is tremendous pressure to “fit in” and “be popular”. Of course if you’re not popular and don’t fit in, that kind of sucks. But maybe you’d be more popular if you smiled more and dressed normal and didn’t complain all the time! We are often taught that in order to achieve our goals (no matter how stupid), we just need to stay focused and don’t let anyone (no matter how sensible) dissuade us from our dreams. In the workplace, we work at a company with big ideas for changing the world. To do that, we need team players with great attitudes who fit into our culture. Particularly now that we’ve had to give 30% of our employees the fantastic opportunity to pursue their careers elsewhere due to a year of disappointing sales. There are a lot of people who get paid a lot of money to try and make you think about critical issues like what soda to drink or what pants to wear or which TV show you should binge watch this weekend. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for thinking about frowney face stuff like income inequality or health care. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/47 "2015-05-23T11:14:44Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > At the risk of poisoning the well, I point out that the author of the linked piece at one point joined this board, where he began cranking out threads “asking questions” about America’s extensive deficiencies before being quickly banned. To say he has something of an agenda would not be an unfair characterization. > > His OPs were disappeared, but [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=371556) discusses his brief tenure as a Doper. I’m not surprised to see this. I took a quick glance at the article he posted and immediately thought, “100% OP is linking to his own site.” (Ok, maybe 90%.) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/48 "2015-05-23T12:54:59Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > Really?! > > There is no shame in being poor, and it’s relative anyway. > > I have friends who are very poor and I have no problem being friends with them. I also have friends who make more in one year than I will see in a life time. > I like my friends because they are my friends, I don’t look at bank accounts. > > One of the happiest couples I know are living in a pop up trailer parked in his brother’s yard. They have very little in material things and they are happy just as they are. > Some of the most miserable people I know have lots of money. They are the kind that if they won $200 million in the lottery they’d bitch that they should have won the next week when the jackpot would have been bigger. > > Happiness is a state of mind. > > The only ‘poor’ people I distance myself from are the ones who try to mooch off me and don’t do anything to help themselves. Are you seriously posting this as a rebuttal to the OP’s assertion that poor people are blamed for their suffering in American society? Your post is emblematic of the kind of shite we’re talking about. “My experience with X is roses and clover, so that’s how it is for everyone. STOP COMPLAINING.” This kind of willful blindness is why bigotry isn’t going away as fast is it should. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/49 "2015-05-23T13:21:52Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Are you seriously posting this as a rebuttal to the OP’s assertion that poor people are blamed for their suffering in American society? > > Your post is emblematic of the kind of shite we’re talking about. “My experience with X is roses and clover, so that’s how it is for everyone. STOP COMPLAINING.” This kind of willful blindness is why bigotry isn’t going away as fast is it should. No I’m responding to the statement that in American family and friends will shun you if you are poor (not true) and that happiness is related to income (also not true). Where did I tell anybody to stop complaining? Where did I say poor people are blamed for their own suffering? ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/50 "2015-05-23T13:37:19Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Are you seriously posting this as a rebuttal to the OP’s assertion that poor people are blamed for their suffering in American society? > > Your post is emblematic of the kind of shite we’re talking about. “My experience with X is roses and clover, so that’s how it is for everyone. STOP COMPLAINING.” This kind of willful blindness is why bigotry isn’t going away as fast is it should. Even though it’s tempting to be PC and say “people are the same everywhere”, I really do not think that attitude is as prevalent in Europe as it is in America. ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/51 "2015-05-23T13:38:21Z")
> [@Sahirrnee](#): > > No I’m responding to the statement that in American family and friends will shun you if you are poor (not true) and that happiness is related to income (also not true). > > Where did I tell anybody to stop complaining? > > Where did I say poor people are blamed for their own suffering? I don’t think money buys happiness, but in America you are punished for being poor. Then again, people with high incomes in the US tend to be “time poor”, as well, unless they’re making their money off of investments. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/52 "2015-05-23T13:47:39Z")
I’ll guess that there are at least two schools of American “stop your whining” sentiment, that they correlate with _opposite_ sides of the political divide, and that each side is _very happy to whine themselves **about certain things** _. I’ve spent much time in Northern California, but haven’t been for many years. Has a New Age optimism really become much more prevalant? I live in Thailand where “Siam Smiles” is a very common \*and well-observed \*national motto. One seldom hears complaints of any sort, even in situations where most Americans would find complaining irresistable. > [@protoboard](#): > > I would argue that are indeed people in the US who are just as deprived as many in Africa. If you include social and spiritual deprivation, far more so even. At least if you’re poor in Africa there is no shame in it and people will want to be your friend. In America even your family will shun and distance themselves from you. Someone’s enjoyment and rights in America are directly proportional to their bank account. It’s hard to be happy when not only are you materially deprived and hungry but nobody will even talk to you, and society blames you for your own suffering. Yes. One often sees very poorly-informed “poor Americans are well-off” posts here at SDMB. Thailand is [del]class-[/del] money-conscious, though becoming less so, I think. Yet even the poor are proud, keep smiles on, and almost never complain. (They’re not into any New Age Optimism either, though Buddhism may play a role.) ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/53 "2015-05-23T15:31:20Z")
I don’t know about the premise that Americans are hostile to complainers in general. I notice that the kind of fatalistic, passive, resigned complaining that is more common among, say, certain Europeans, is often countered by Americans with an exasperated “well why don’t you do something about it?” response. I wonder if there was some natural selection among personality types among a percentage of people who came to the U.S (aside from the weird puritanical streak). These would be people who complain and then do something, like pack up and move to a whole new country to start over. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2015, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/54 "2015-05-25T01:42:31Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > Even though it’s tempting to be PC and say “people are the same everywhere”, I really do not think that attitude is as prevalent in Europe as it is in America. and what do you base this belief on? ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2015, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/55 "2015-05-25T02:03:27Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > and what do you base this belief on? Well it’s often said complaining is a national pastime in the UK, and I’m not the only person who has noted that Americans are hostile towards people who show negativity. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503/56 "2015-05-25T17:15:49Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > Well it’s often said complaining is a national pastime in the UK… That’s just a completely untrue slur concocted by those convicts from Australia. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-americans-so-hostile-towards-people-who-complain/720503.md?page=2)