# Why are dogs so fucking stupid? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 27, 2016, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186 "2016-11-27T17:40:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/21 "2016-11-28T14:16:01Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I reject the idea that service dogs are the smartest. The difference is that they’re highly trained and motivated. People tend to equate “eager to engage/to please/to abuse their environment until it amuses them” with intelligence, in dogs, and that’s not necessarily a bad correlation. Working dogs will have that temperament regardless of whether or not they are highly trained (one of the reasons why border collies generally do not make calm, trouble-free house pets). What’s the point of having intelligence if you aren’t able to use it in some way? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/22 "2016-11-28T14:25:06Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > My dog is so fucking stupid it takes him almost _an hour_ to do an “easy” Sudoku! I thought mine was really smart, until I noticed he moves his lips when he reads. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/23 "2016-11-28T14:36:40Z")
My dog had a toe bitten off, now she only understands base-9 math. Idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/24 "2016-11-28T14:57:23Z")
Could it be about how they are raised and trained? How much effect does human-training-dogs have on the humans’ perception of dog intelligence? Is it nature or nurture? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/25 "2016-11-28T15:07:00Z")
Mine never remembers to put gas in the car after he borrows it. Stupid mutt. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/26 "2016-11-28T17:01:41Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Mine never remembers to put gas in the car after he borrows it. > > Stupid mutt. That’s not stupid. He has you trained to fill it. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/27 "2016-11-28T17:27:17Z")
And he bogarts your food. Who’s smart and who’s not? ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/28 "2016-11-28T18:07:51Z")
> [@Waxwinged](#): > > People tend to equate “eager to engage/to please/to abuse their environment until it amuses them” with intelligence, in dogs, and that’s not necessarily a bad correlation. Yeah, a few years ago a study claiming to rank dog breeds by intelligence made the rounds. Independent breeds (livestock guardian dogs) watchdog types, and so on got rated low. It turned out that the study defined “intelligence” as “willing and able to follow human instructions.” The livestock guardian breeds are expected to deal with a variety of situations WITHOUT seeking human ratification of their decisions. It was soon realized that the entire ranking was based on simple-minded assumptions, and not a true measure of intelligence. Similarly, some studies have claimed wolves are smarter than dogs because wolves will solve puzzles to get food, whereas many dogs simply implore a human to open the puzzle and give them the food. Never mind that a human is an _excellent_ tool for opening puzzles and obtaining food. Nobody called Julius Caesar stupid for using humans to do his bidding. “Hell, why did he use the 10th Legion to subdue Gaul? He could have used a stick!” ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/29 "2016-11-28T19:17:44Z")
We’ve had a male and female dog. The male was remarkably clever in devising schemes to steal food. The female isn’t, but it seems partly personality: she really wants to be a good girl and not spend her mental energy figuring out how to be a naughty girl. And her ability to read people is pretty outstanding even for a dog, to know who is feeling down and needs some clown-dog entertainment, who wants to play roughly or nicely (as a ‘pit bull’ type it’s a good thing she knows who doesn’t want bitey play), if strangers want nothing to do with her (she reciprocates and acts like they aren’t there). The male OTOH had some form of canine Asperger syndrome we joke, one of his nicknames was ‘rain dog’. He was a hound. Maybe it’s partly type/breed related. I doubt it’s sex related. Probably mostly just two different individuals. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2016, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/30 "2016-11-28T19:29:37Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > It was soon realized that the entire ranking was based on simple-minded assumptions, and not a true measure of intelligence. Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligence has been around for quite some time for humans, too. Not having satisfactory marks in one aspect of it still makes an animal/human dim. I do think that comparative animal intelligence is a murky field, riddled with assumptions and speculations. Ability to judge dogs by their performance under command is admittedly a very basic test, but what’s the alternative? As for comparing wolves and dogs… that’s a bit like comparing tangerines to grapefruits. Kind of pointless. ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/31 "2016-11-29T00:02:55Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Yeah, a few years ago a study claiming to rank dog breeds by intelligence made the rounds. Independent breeds (livestock guardian dogs) watchdog types, and so on got rated low. It turned out that the study defined “intelligence” as “willing and able to follow human instructions.” The livestock guardian breeds are expected to deal with a variety of situations WITHOUT seeking human ratification of their decisions. It was soon realized that the entire ranking was based on simple-minded assumptions, and not a true measure of intelligence. > > Similarly, some studies have claimed wolves are smarter than dogs because wolves will solve puzzles to get food, whereas many dogs simply implore a human to open the puzzle and give them the food. Never mind that a human is an _excellent_ tool for opening puzzles and obtaining food. > > Nobody called Julius Caesar stupid for using humans to do his bidding. “Hell, why did he use the 10th Legion to subdue Gaul? He could have used a stick!” I think there is a lot to what you say. In my limited empirical study (my one dog and my son’s bitch) I am confounded as to what is “intelligence” in a canine. My study showed that my dog spent 95% of his time trying to convince you he was stupid. Then he would do something that showed he wasn’t. He had it figured out. The bitch will obey commands and show uncanny “intelligence”. She will fetch until she drops from exhaustion. I tried to get my dog to fetch. He ran out and brought the ball back to me. Good doggie! I threw it out again, he brought it half way back and peed on it. I’m not sure which is the “smarter” canine. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/32 "2016-11-29T04:45:39Z")
A serious reply: I have 2 of each, all the same breed. Weiner dogs. They all seem equally smart to me, except the Alpha male knows all the dirt roads around the area and leads the pack where we need to go while running. They all know multiple commands and respond to cues. No “formal” training. Good dogs. My wife says that Trixie is a dummy, but she’s just jealous, ‘cause Trixie is prettier. Best lookin’ dog I’ve ever seen. If I knew how to link pictures, she would crash this site! ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/33 "2016-11-29T04:49:32Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > That’s not stupid. He has you trained to fill it. OK dammit. I’m making him do his own taxes next year. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/34 "2016-12-01T19:13:20Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > You learn something new every day on the internet. I thought dogs were boys This is true. That’s why dogs impregnate each other through the anus and birth the puppies out of the anus. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2016, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/35 "2016-12-01T23:24:00Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > In reality, the dog that played Lassie was male. So were all of his descendants who continued in the role. I nominate myself for so fucking stupid. I assumed that Lassie the character was a boy dog and remembered the trivia as being “he” was played by a girl dog. My sense (echoed above) that all dogs are boys (and all cats are girls) clearly completely eclipsed the idea that “lassie” refers to a female. :smack::smack::smack: ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2016, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186/36 "2016-12-02T16:11:15Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > A serious reply: I have 2 of each, all the same breed. Weiner dogs. They all seem equally smart to me, except the Alpha male knows all the dirt roads around the area and leads the pack where we need to go while running. They all know multiple commands and respond to cues. No “formal” training. Good dogs. > > My wife says that Trixie is a dummy, but she’s just jealous, ‘cause Trixie is prettier. Best lookin’ dog I’ve ever seen. If I knew how to link pictures, she would crash this site! YOU NEED TO LEARN ALREADY, GODDAMMIT!!! :o [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-dogs-so-fucking-stupid/773186.md?page=1)