# Why are MEN intimidated by an Independent Woman **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 9, 2002, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111 "2002-07-09T17:28:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f0a364/32.png) [@Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/1 "2002-07-09T17:28:21Z")
This shit pisses me off….I can’t help that I am a independent women, and not some whiney, worthless bitch with no confidence in her self….but because I am Independent….Men are scared off, or Just Plain Leave. It’s not my fault I had to practically raise myself, and my siblings. It’s not my fault that I am mature, and take life seriously…It’s not my fault I know that I can take care of myself…with or without a MAN!! That I have confidence in myself. But some men get all “YOU DON’T NEED ME” ………so I will find some girl that does. Well let me tell you that is Bullshit….eventually you will get sick of being NEEDED all the damn time…and want to get out of that too… I am so sick of men leaving a GOOD women, cause she doesn’t NEED him, we all need each other….but I am not going to lay down and cry and depend on ANY MAN completely. I can’t. These women that DO, what the hell is wrong with you??? You seriously need to get a backbone, and a life….a MAN is not EVERYTHING, honestly you can screw in a light bulb without HIM! Sorry if I sound a little bitter right now…I am not! I love Men and look forward to finding another Good one, someday! One that can deal with my Independence. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/2 "2002-07-09T17:32:26Z")
Men don’t like independent women because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to get them to iron our tighty whities correctly. NO STARCH, dammit! (As long as we’re making broad generalizations, why not go for broke?) ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/3 "2002-07-09T17:34:38Z")
It all depends on the man. You need a secure individual who is at home in his own skin and will not be intimidated by your successes. I had a friend who worked as an ad sales. His wife was a highly paid pediatrician, and the pride he took in her hard work and accomplishments warmed my heart. Good luck, Truth. He’s out there, and you will find him. Maybe you need to start looking at professional men…doctors, lawyers, executives, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/4 "2002-07-09T17:42:07Z")
Myself, I prefer a woman who knows how to capitalize properly. But that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/5 "2002-07-09T17:50:06Z")
I am a man. I am strong of opinion, confident of myself, and think I’m pretty damned good-looking. I am married to a woman, who though less educated than I is far more successful. She is strong, confident, capable, and pretty damned good-looking. Of all the arguments and all the “discussions” we’ve had over the last 13-odd years together, her success has never–not once–come up as a bone of contention. Her desire to be self-sufficient, her wish to be completely independent of me, however, has. I look at it this way: we are married and we share one life. I understand that in our era and generation there are career pressures and I understand that as a woman she has far more pressure on her than I do as a man. But she’s also a wife and mother, and those duties supercede what her boss wants. In return, I try to keep in mind that I’m a husband and father first, and a worker-bee second. I don’t know if this applies to your situation or not, **Truth** , and I don’t even know if it’s coherent. But he wants to be needed as much as he needs you. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/6 "2002-07-09T17:53:42Z")
So how did you exhibit that you didn’t need him? What did he want you to do differently? Did you make him feel important, and cherished? What specific behaviors of yours made him feel unnecessary in your life? Did you belittle his efforts? We need some specifics here so that we can all learn. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/7 "2002-07-09T17:56:15Z")
Hey, I’m a man, and I love independent women. Independent, self-sufficient, confident, knows what she wants and how to get it. Independent women rock my world. Women who make bad dating choices and blame it on broad, gender-based generalizations I could do without, though. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/8 "2002-07-09T18:02:29Z")
> [@](#): > > This shit pisses me off….I can’t help that I am a independent women, and not some whiney, worthless bitch with no confidence in her self….but because I am Independent….Men are scared off, or Just Plain Leave. Am I the only one confused by this whole thing? If you’re so independent, what do you care if you don’t have a guy? And if you aren’t whiney, why are you whining about it? …probably just me. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/9 "2002-07-09T18:06:49Z")
I’d never date an independant woman… …she couldn’t even vote in the same primary as me, and the political arguments :eek: [sub]Boy. It sure is good to know that, as a man, I have no choice at all in my dating habits. Glad we cleared that one up.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/10 "2002-07-09T18:07:34Z")
Well, yeah, I can screw in a light bulb by myself but who’s gonna kill the bugs? Heh. Bet ya didn’t think of that, Miss Independence! ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/11 "2002-07-09T18:15:18Z")
> [@](#): > > This shit pisses me off….I can’t help that I am a independent women, and not some whiney, worthless bitch with no confidence in her self….but because I am Independent….Men are scared off, or Just Plain Leave. Hmm. That is troubling. Because I always thought most men wanted to not have to pamper their women because men are stupid, can’t take care of children, match their own clothes, understand social niceties, or use the toilet properly. Isn’t that what TV tells me? God, if it weren’t for INDEPENDENT WOMEN we would all have died from eating moldy hot dogs or blown ourselves up from trying to incompetently microwave said moldy hot dogs. > [@](#): > > It’s not my fault that I am mature, and take life seriously…It’s not my fault I know that I can take care of myself…with or without a MAN!! I have never met a woman, ever, who couldn’t take care of herself without a man. Only women who said they couldn’t, and women who boasted they could. Neither are very fun to be with. > [@](#): > > I am so sick of men leaving a GOOD women, cause she doesn’t NEED him, we all need each other. Don’t you mean you are sick of MEN leaving YOU because you DON’T need [them]? As you say, we all need each other. What do you want from a man that you can’t fulfill yourself? Obviously you NEED that or you wouldn’t be here BITCHING. Sorry to sound so harsh, I’ve been single for longer than I care to remember so I haven’t much room to talk, as they say. > [@](#): > > One that can deal with my Independence. Oh, I think they have dealt with your INDEPENDENCE alright. That’s why they left. Soon you will come to terms with (little ‘i’) independence and all will be right with the world. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/12 "2002-07-09T23:10:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JuanitaTech \* > \*\*Well, yeah, I can screw in a light bulb by myself but who’s gonna kill the bugs? > > Heh. Bet ya didn’t think of that, Miss Independence! \*\* Damn straight. 🙂 There’s independence…and there’s being able to manipulate a guy into pleeeease killing the scary roach who’s eyeballing me every time I try to go into the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![Ripple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@Ripple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ripple)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/13 "2002-07-09T23:27:18Z")
Maybe it’s not the independence that’s making them take off. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/14 "2002-07-09T23:41:01Z")
Don’t be silly, **Ripple**. Of _course_ it’s the independence! What else could it be?? For me, the problem was women dumping me because I’m just so good looking and charming. I must have made them feel bad or something. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/15 "2002-07-09T23:47:20Z")
ellipses… they’re not just for poetry… anymore. Speaking on behalf of independent, mature women who can screw in lightbulbs AND love and cherish men… shut up… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/16 "2002-07-09T23:50:56Z")
Hmmm…you know…um… Yeah. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/17 "2002-07-10T00:06:37Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* mature women who can screw in lightbulbs…_\* Sorry. My schlong ain’t never gonna fit in your standard 60 Watt incandescent. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/18 "2002-07-10T00:15:39Z")
Wasn’t “Independent Women” on the soundtrack to the **Charlie’s Angels** monstrosity? [humming] The shoes on my feet, I’ve bought it. The clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it. The rock I’m rockin’ ‘Cause I depend on me. If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’ I’ll buy it. The house I live in, I’ve bought it. The car I’m driving, I’ve bought it. I depend on me [/humming] ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/19 "2002-07-10T00:30:41Z")
**Truth** –a word of advice. Considering the recent [threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=122642) you’ve started about the [situation](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=123409) **you** were in, it’s probably not very prudent to waggle that finger at other women and yell at them to “get a backbone and a life”. Seems someone who’s been there would be a tad more sensitive, eh? And maybe base her criticisms of past relationships on the fact that she chose _shitty men_, and not just that she chose men. bella ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111/20 "2002-07-10T00:37:04Z")
If it weren’t for the men in our lives, who would kill the icky bugs, take out the trash, and give me hours upon hours of fantastic sex whenever I ask? I’ll agree with a few points. Women, learn to do the simple things: Check your oil, change a tire, jump a car, hook up a VCR or DVD player, do basic computer maintainence. My sisters are both “I can’t do that, I have to have my S.O. take care of it” and “Math is HARD!”. Come on now, suck it up a notch, pull your head out of your ass, and don’t stand there wringing your hands in an emergency. You don’t need a penis to fix things, hang pictures, or hook up electronics. Now to the OP: Your personality, as it is presented here, totally sucks. It’s not your independence, it’s your attitude. Lighten up a bit. Zette [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-men-intimidated-by-an-independent-woman/118111.md?page=2)