# Why are people making fun of this man for taking his wife's name? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2009, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775 "2009-08-08T21:38:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/81 "2009-08-10T16:19:01Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > Funny, I always thought that lesser men had to do things that sane people consider “macho bullshit.” You know, for ever man who accomplished something great like climbing Everest or landing on the moon or reaching the Arctic Circle, there is some woman badgering him about “why does he have to spend so much time hanging out with his immature friends”? ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/82 "2009-08-10T16:27:28Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Well, if your idea of “oppression” is not being able to contact someone who you haven’t talked to in 20 years, I don’t think I’m going to run out and call Amnesty International. No, my idea of oppression is an entire gender of people being stripped of their public identity for no reason other than it’s what’s “expected” and because men think it’s some kind of imperative. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/83 "2009-08-10T16:35:04Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > You know, for ever man who accomplished something great like climbing Everest or landing on the moon or reaching the Arctic Circle, there is some woman badgering him about “why does he have to spend so much time hanging out with his immature friends”? I don’t consider climbing Mt. Everest or going to the moon to be “macho bullshit.” Calling another man a pussy because he made a decision you wouldn’t make, and talking about how a man’s got to do certain things to warrant possession of his dick, now that’s macho bullshit. Maybe you’ve just been dating the wrong kind of woman. That could be why you’re so insecure and have to belittle other men for making choices that would cause you to feel so diminished. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/84 "2009-08-10T16:38:04Z")
No need to get into a slap fight with The Most Bitter Man In America. Any day now we’re going to hear another story about some misogynist shooting up a gym. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/85 "2009-08-10T16:50:16Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Thanks for the answer. I think you might get some argument as to whether it harms or oppresses anyone, but since I’m a guy I’ll leave others to make it. One could make the argument that surrendering a key component of your identity is not entirely harmless. I would never ask or expect my fiancee to change her name, in fact I would encourage her not to. It’s been her name for almost four decades. > [@Beware of Doug](#): > > I think more couples ought to consider dumping both their last names and finding a new one. It could be a dead-end family name, a blend, a word, even a coinage. I think Melissa Etheridge and her ex, What’s-Her-Face Cypher did that with their kids. IIRC (it was in the information for a photograph by, I think, Liebowitz) their kids’ last name is “Cypheridge”. I think that would be a neat idea, but high-risk for eye-rollingly tacky creations. You just know that people would come up with awful combinations and think it’s cute. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/86 "2009-08-10T16:54:58Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > I think more couples ought to consider dumping _both_ their last names and finding a new one. It could be a dead-end family name, a blend, a word, even a coinage. > > Just as long as it’s not something lame, like Rainbow or Mailbox. This is what friends of mine did. They just combined their two last names into a new name for them both. Granted, both of their names when joined together made an asthetically “cool” new name. I imagine it would not have worked if they’d had names like Mr. Hammerme and Ms. Ferrboxe. Or maybe it would… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cagey\_Drifter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@Cagey\_Drifter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cagey_Drifter)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/87 "2009-08-10T17:03:19Z")
This is all about social norms. People get upset when the status quo is challenged, plain and simple. ---
**Author:** ![Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hypnagogic_jerk/32/4252_2.png) [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypnagogic_Jerk)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/88 "2009-08-10T17:17:47Z")
> [@Lars\_Aruns](#): > > The only effect is that there have been some cases where people call me Mr Wife’sSurname because they think she did take mine. That’s a way to detect telemarketers. When people call at my parents’ house asking for “Mr. \”, we know it’s a telemarketer. > [@Rubystreak](#): > > What if he reason is “I don’t want to.” Is that a good enough reason? I second this question. That or “I just like my name, I don’t want to change it.” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/89 "2009-08-10T17:28:59Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > No need to get into a slap fight with The Most Bitter Man In America. Any day now we’re going to hear another story about some misogynist shooting up a gym. [Hmmm…this was all I heard.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhEQ1E8XPp4) > [@Rubystreak](#): > > I don’t consider climbing Mt. Everest or going to the moon to be “macho bullshit.” Calling another man a pussy because he made a decision you wouldn’t make, and talking about how a man’s got to do certain things to warrant possession of his dick, now that’s macho bullshit. Maybe you’ve just been dating the wrong kind of woman. That could be why you’re so insecure and have to belittle other men for making choices that would cause you to feel so diminished. My god. You’ve gotten inside my head and seen through to my very core. Please. Spare me your clumsy attempts at psychoanalysis. I know Interweb hard on brain but I didn’t call anyone a “pussy”. That was **Marley23** putting words in my mouth. But yeah, I think it’s a bit effeminant. But the only reason it’s effeminant is because our society evolved that way. The man generally takes the woman’s name. So when you go against that established convention, people tend to look at it as odd. It could have just as easily been the reverse. “Dude, you’re KEEPING your name?! What’s next? Pushing a baby out of your vagina?” ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/90 "2009-08-10T17:30:15Z")
Are effeminants like replicants, except with skirts on? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/91 "2009-08-10T17:31:40Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > They just combined their two last names into a new name for them both. Granted, both of their names when joined together made an asthetically “cool” new name. I have two pairs of friends that have done this. In both cases the combined last names sounded a bit convoluted, but they’ve grown on me over time. Another pair of friends decided they were going to hyphenate their names, and go by Ann and Bob Hyphen. They didn’t follow through on that one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/92 "2009-08-10T17:42:40Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I know Interweb hard on brain but I didn’t call anyone a “pussy”. That was **Marley23** putting words in my mouth. I gave a completely accurate summary of your attitude to this point. Yeah, the guy bucked tradition, so it’s not surprising that people think it’s weird. What I don’t get is why you responded by saying women won’t fuck him (uh, he took his _wife’s_ name) and then went off into that rant about sitting down to pee. If you’re going to now say it was parody, by all means, go ahead. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/93 "2009-08-10T17:48:59Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > My god. You’ve gotten inside my head and seen through to my very core. Please. Spare me your clumsy attempts at psychoanalysis. There’s nothing to psychoanalyze. You just lay it all out for us. Sorry your woman bitches at you. Worry about the status of your own testicles, let other guys worry about theirs. Or not worry, which would probably be the better option all around. > [@](#): > > I know Interweb hard on brain but I didn’t call anyone a “pussy”. That was **Marley23** putting words in my mouth. But yeah, I think it’s a bit effeminant. Oh, sorry, you just implied he was a pussy. You didn’t actually state it, but you obviously believe that you can judge what’s masculant (sic) and what isn’t. > [@](#): > > But the only reason it’s effeminant is because our society evolved that way. The man generally takes the woman’s name. Really? I know, internet hard on brain, but I think you just argued against your own thesis there. Must think before type! > [@](#): > > So when you go against that established convention, people tend to look at it as odd. It could have just as easily been the reverse. “Dude, you’re KEEPING your name?! What’s next? Pushing a baby out of your vagina?” Yeah, established convention would have it that she be a virgin when you marry her, after which she would quit her job and raise your babies. You’d have to pay for everything, ask her father’s permission, and I sort of bet that none of that is in the offing. So, fuck established convention, except when going against it causes me to feel that the integrity of my balls is threatened, which case, I’m a traditionalist! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/94 "2009-08-10T18:06:44Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > ..then went off into that rant about sitting down to pee. If you’re going to now say it was parody, by all means, go ahead. 😃 I don’t understand. What is so strange about a man drinking Cosmos, talking about relationships with his close friends, taking a bubble bath, eating comfort food, and sitting down to pee?.😕 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/95 "2009-08-10T19:26:01Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t understand. What is so strange about a man drinking Cosmos, talking about relationships with his close friends, taking a bubble bath, eating comfort food, and sitting down to pee?.😕 Thank you for doing what I asked: admitting you have no argument. ---
**Author:** ![Carnacki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@Carnacki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnacki)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/96 "2009-08-10T20:30:27Z")
I’m not a big fan of name changing in general, but to each his own. I used to work with someone who’s maiden name was Fear. Not only did she take her husband’s last name, but her husband didn’t take hers! Talk about missed opportunity! That said, I was a little disappointed that the article was written by Mr. Neufeld. I was hoping for something like Skywalker or Asskicker. There’s not a man alive, no matter how masculine, who wouldn’t change his name when he married Natasha Vader. Not to disparage the name Neufeld, I was just hoping the reason for the name change was something I could get behind. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/97 "2009-08-10T21:36:13Z")
> [@KarlGrenze](#): > > Nah, IIRC, both take both of their parents name. In a reversal of the rest of Latin America, though, the mom’s name is placed first, and the dad’s last name placed last… > > And yea, from what I saw of my friends’ mom, they took their husband’s last name. Granted, I had a limited exposure to that part. Huh. I’m going by my cousin’s wife, basically. That’s what she told me. (She’s from Brazil.) I haven’t seen her in years, though, so it’s possible I’m remembering wrong. As for me, I really wouldn’t give a shit WHAT name I chose, as long as his name wasn’t something embarassing (like my teacher whose husband’s name was Dickensheets. She still took it, to please her inlaws, but went by Mrs. D. And HIS name was Hans. Why the hell HE didn’t take her name, I’ll never know) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/98 "2009-08-10T22:12:06Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Thank you for doing what I asked: admitting you have no argument. I believe his point was that the fact that you assumed that those activities were effeminate indicates your own misogyny. When all it really indicates is pattern recognition: people who talk like that tend to be misogynistic. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/99 "2009-08-11T03:20:51Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I believe his point was that the fact that you assumed that those activities were effeminate indicates your own misogyny. Nah, that was a last-ditch effort to save some vaguely misogynist jokes on his behalf. > [@](#): > > When all it really indicates is pattern recognition: people who talk like that tend to be misogynistic. Right. This being a case in point. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/100 "2009-08-11T03:40:53Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Nah, that was a last-ditch effort to save some vaguely misogynist jokes on his behalf. “Vaguely”? I thought I was laying it on pretty thick. I mean really. Yes I was joking around, but you and **Jamaika a jamaikaiaké** immediately picked up on that I was being sarcastic because everything I mentioned were traditional female behaviors. I guess the only difference is that you take this shit so seriously and I think it’s a big ole joke. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775.md?page=6)