# Why are people making fun of this man for taking his wife's name? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2009, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775 "2009-08-08T21:38:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/121 "2009-08-12T04:24:11Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > So maybe the answer is that it actually IS about power? And so if it is about power, the reason people make fun of men who change their name is because losing power is a sign of weakness. I think that’s what people are assuming, yes. That the guy is giving up power and can’t put his woman in her place. It doesn’t make any sense to assume that, but I think you’ve correctly identified the assumption. > [@](#): > > IOW, both of you want to keep your last name, but if you can’t even do that as a man, what sort of power or authority do you even have as a “real man” in the relationship. Who said that’s the situation, though? That’s not what happened to the blogger. He chose to give up his own name. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/122 "2009-08-12T19:01:03Z")
[:sigh:](http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2009/08/12/2009-08-12_70_percent_of_americans_.html) > [@](#): > > Newly minted brides should do more than vow to love their hubbies for a lifetime, say the majority of Americans. Some 70 percent of the respondents in a new study feel they should also take their spouse’s surname - and 50 percent say that it should be a legal requirement for a woman to take her spouse’s last name. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/123 "2009-08-12T19:12:15Z")
> [@](#): > > When the respondents were asked why they felt women should change their name after the wedding, Hamilton says, “They told us that women should lose their own identity when they marry and become a part of the man and his family. This was a reason given by many.” Interesting timing on this survey, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/124 "2009-08-12T19:28:24Z")
Every day, in every way, I am getting **reminded of _why I fucking hate people_**. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/125 "2009-08-12T19:36:08Z")
God, I always was looking forward to taking his last name but this thread makes me obstinately not want to change my name. Ever. Ever-ever. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/126 "2009-08-12T19:39:11Z")
God has a last name? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/127 "2009-08-12T19:40:12Z")
It’s Bergren. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/128 "2009-08-12T19:43:33Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > God has a last name? That’s what I get for posting semi stream-of-consciousness style. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/129 "2009-08-12T20:48:41Z")
Men have had too much power in history. I say make it mandatory that husbands take their wives’ names, at least for a couple hundred years. Seriously though, let the guy have his wife’s name. I’m personally proud of anyone of my gender that is secure enough to do such an untraditional thing. Good job to him! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/130 "2009-08-12T20:56:06Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > That’s what I get for posting semi stream-of-consciousness style. Sorry. Tsh, your sentence was perfectly clear. I’m just a knee-jerk smartass who can’t pass up an opportunity like that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/131 "2009-08-13T13:11:35Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Tsh, your sentence was perfectly clear. I’m just a knee-jerk smartass who can’t pass up an opportunity like that. On the contrary. If people passed up opportunities like that all the time, there’d be nothing funny left except fart jokes. Please, have at it. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/132 "2009-08-13T15:02:42Z")
When we married, we sorted things out like so: - We each keep our own last names. Mainly because we are lazy, and saw no reason to do the work necessary to change them. - Kids would inherit their presumptive ethno-religious identity for ritual purposes matrilinially (naturally, when they are old enough to understand such matters they can make up their own minds). That is because it accords with both our traditions, and also because her parents care for that sort of thing and mine are indifferent. - Kids would take their last name patrilinially, for balance. Hyphenated names are a bit of a pain. In this way, a sort of equality of tradition is established, with minimal fuss and inconvenience; no-one is imposing on anyone and no-one has to take any inconvenient measures. An unanticipated benefit of this approach is that, as both our names are listed in the phone book, everyone who doesn’t actually know us assumes our family name is hyphenated - letters and phone calls asking for “Mr. or Mrs. [hyphenated name]” we know automatically are sales people or the like. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/133 "2009-08-13T15:08:26Z")
> [@astro](#): > > It’s 2009. Is this really still a big deal? Why do people feel the need to disparage him? > > [I Took My Wife’s Last Name](http://www.momlogic.com/2009/07/i_took_my_wifes_last_name.php) While I don’t care one way or the other about who takes who’s name, I rather suspect, reading the article, that at least some people are likely to disparage him because he’s making such a self-congratulatory big deal about it. To paraphrase, ‘Look at how enlightened and loving I am. I even took my wife’s name!’ This part makes me think the author’s very likely an insufferable egoist: > [@](#): > > I wear my new name as proudly as I wear the tiny woman with braided hair I carved from a piece of antler and hung around my neck as a wedding ring. Mona wears a miniature man. Both come from the same bone. I can’t remember which I carved first, but I think the woman is the more beautiful of the two. Mona might disagree. ‘Not only am I noble and loving, I’m also amazingly artistic’. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/134 "2009-08-13T16:44:44Z")
Bah… he’s an amateur. The right way to do it is to take both your last names, mash them into a single non-hyphenated last name, and then change your names so that you’re Mr and Mrs Wemashedournamestogether. (and yes, one of the girls I went to university with [actually did that](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Measha_Brueggergosman)) ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/135 "2009-08-13T16:51:22Z")
You know, it’s been mentioned several times in this thread that some couples blend their names into one unhyphenated name. The above post reminded me of Los Angeles mayor [Antonio Villaraigosa](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonio_Villaraigosa) who combined his last name, Villar, with his wife’s, Raigosa. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/136 "2009-08-13T19:02:27Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > You know, it’s been mentioned several times in this thread that some couples blend their names into one unhyphenated name. The above post reminded me of Los Angeles mayor [Antonio Villaraigosa](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonio_Villaraigosa) who combined his last name, Villar, with his wife’s, Raigosa. Post #46. 😉 What I didn’t know until the other day is that Jack White got his last name from Meg White. And, obviously, the former Mr. Gillis kept that name even after getting re-married. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/137 "2009-08-13T19:06:17Z")
Heh, right. Err, I \*had \*to post it again. You know, for emphasis. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775/138 "2009-08-13T19:32:29Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > On the contrary. If people passed up opportunities like that all the time, there’d be nothing funny left except fart jokes. Please, have at it. Oh, believe me–I intend to. But damn you for not giving me a good opening in that post to which I could respond with a fart joke. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > You know, it’s been mentioned several times in this thread that some couples blend their names into one unhyphenated name. I think this was different, though. It was my impression that if it had been \*\*Smith \*\*+ **Jones** , it was \*\*Smithjones \*\*instead of **Smones** : mashed up against each other instead of blended. ETA: And per the Wikipedia article linked above, I was right. (No big shock there–I’m right about everything, always.) It was Brügger + Gosman = Brüggergosman. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-people-making-fun-of-this-man-for-taking-his-wifes-name/505775.md?page=6)