# Why are sluts so hated and reviled by other women? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 31, 2003, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621 "2003-10-31T09:10:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/121 "2003-11-05T16:05:42Z")
… being humans we are sometimes going thru a bad phase and are prone to do silly or wrong things… so why make a big fuss about it ? ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/122 "2003-11-05T20:19:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rashak Mani \* > What someone does is there own affair I feel… just because your married doesn’t to me at least mean your doing a life sentence or a 24/7 sentence. Are you even _paying attention_ to what has been said on this thread? I don’t think I’ve ever suggested that someone should be sentenced to Life in a miserable relationship. I just think that if someone is terribly unhappy and is feeling “trapped” by their monogomous relationship, then they should just _say_ so to their partner. Say, “I don’t want to do this anymore” or “I want us to start seeing other people” or whatever. How many times do I need to repeat this? Now, granted, if their partner is a raving lunatic who can’t be reasoned with and threatens suicide every time the mere _hint_ of a breakup is mentioned, then I think that changes things considerably. But I highly doubt that most straying spouses have raving lunatic partners. They are just too gutless and chickenshit to just _say_ that they want to roam. And as painful as just _saying_ it flat-out would be to their partner, it’s _far_ more painful to find out after the fact, months or even years afterwards, that the “normal” life they’ve been living has really been a absurd lie, and the person they trusted was just too gutless to tell them the truth from the beginning. > [@](#): > > I wouldn’t like people sneaking up to me saying “she is sleeping with X and Z guy”… why would I want to know ? Once again, have you been reading this thread? Who here has advocated going behind her back to tell you what she’s done (unless she’s on the verge of spreading an STD to you, or something). IMO, most of the time it’s probably best to just stay out of it–and to certainly not _help._ ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/123 "2003-11-06T07:11:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\*Okay–so, would you think it was wrong to have an “ongoing” affair with a married man, “emotional and all that” while he still wanted to remain with his wife? Would you consider it morally okay for you to engage in such an affair, even though it hurt when your ex did it to you? \*\* _Wrong_ to have an emotional affair with a married man while he still wanted to remain with his wife? I would think it was _pointless_ to have an emotional affair with a married man while he still wanted to remain with his wife. For that reason alone I wouldn’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/124 "2003-11-06T07:39:46Z")
I agree completely. Emotional affairs are pointless. A sexual affair usually has two people who are not interested in the married person leaving their marriage. If the spouse never knows no hurt ever happens. If a couple have a basicaly happy marriage but one or the other feels like SEX, not a relationship just sex, how does that hurt the spouse? If it is just about sex it a) doesn’t last long and b) both parties do not want it to be discovered. The marriage continues on as normal. For the sake of a bonk the married person should tell their spouse that the marriage is over? That sounds like more people end up hurt to me. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/125 "2003-11-06T07:44:23Z")
Besides which the Op was about why sluts are hated by other women. Women feel free to judge you because you have slept with X number of men. Yet men are not generaly judged the same way. We all have different needs and priorities. Judging other is not productive, it doesn’t change their attitudes or behaviours. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/126 "2003-11-06T11:18:22Z")
> [@](#): > > ruadh wrote: > > I would think it was pointless to have an emotional affair with a married man while he still wanted to remain with his wife. For that reason alone I wouldn’t do it. Well, that’s good to hear. However, many men apparently don’t want to leave their wives (because they don’t do it–opting rather to sneak around behind the wife’s back) and yet they want to have “emotional” affairs with other women. So while I am guessing that we’d both agree that such women (who have “emotional” affairs with married men who don’t leave their wives) are foolish (or doing something pointless) would you also think that such women are doing something morally wrong, because they’re helping the man “betray” his wife in such a way? > [@](#): > > calm kiwi wrote: > > If the spouse never knows no hurt ever happens. Hey, that’s fine and dandy, until the spouse _does_ find out. That’s when the hurt begins. And how can anyone guarantee that the spouse _won’t_ find out? > [@](#): > > If a couple have a basicaly happy marriage but one or the other feels like SEX, not a relationship just sex, how does that hurt the spouse? We’ve covered this before. The SEX from the outsider may bring in a disease to the wife. She’s entitled to know that she may be at increased risk. (And even if he’s “careful,” no precautions are 100% foolproof.) And what if the lover gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby? The husband is now on the hook for child support. And if he and his wife already have kids, that’s income that is being bled away from her (the wife’s) kids and her (the wife’s family) to help support the kid of the lover. While the wife can’t _stop_ her husband from possibly impregnating someone else, I think it certainly can affect her domestic life. > [@](#): > > If it is just about sex it a) doesn’t last long and b) both parties do not want it to be discovered. But pregnancy, STDs, and being unwittingly discovered _do_ happen, _are_ real risks, and such occurances are not rare or infrequent. And then the spouse _is_ hurt. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/127 "2003-11-06T11:33:09Z")
Yes but you ignored the part where i said it doesn’t last long and neither party want it to be discovered. No discovering ever happened round me. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/128 "2003-11-06T11:45:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by calm kiwi \* > Yes but you ignored the part where i said it doesn’t last long and neither party want it to be discovered. Oh, I see. So this suddenly means that no one will accidentally catch an STD (it’s been known to happen, even when precautions are taken) and no one will get pregnant (it’s been known to happen, even when precautions are taken). Because both parties don’t “want” it to be discovered. Oh yeah. That makes _all_ the difference. Because we all know, when someone doesn’t _want_ to be discovered, they never are! Isn’t it cool, how it works that way, 100% of the time? Wow, why hadn’t I thought of that before? I can do whatever I like, and as long as I don’t _want_ to get caught, I won’t! WOW! This is a fantastic revalation to me!!! Hmmm…however…does that mean that all the people who are caught doing things that they shouldn’t be doing must have _wanted_ to be discovered? 😉 > [@](#): > > No discovering ever happened round me. And I’m sure that you think that because it hasn’t happened so far, it’ll never happen. I’m sure that everyone else who is eventually discovered assumed the same thing–up until the time the finally got caught. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/129 "2003-11-06T11:59:42Z")
This argument could go round and round forever. “breaking the marriage vows” is bad if you are married. I never made anyone break their marriage vows. I am not married so I am not breaking mine. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/130 "2003-11-06T12:00:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > **would you also think that such women are doing something morally wrong, because they’re helping the man “betray” his wife in such a way?** Not necessarily. I never thought of the woman who had an affair with my ex as doing anything morally wrong herself. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/131 "2003-11-06T12:13:18Z")
> [@](#): > > calm kiwi wrote: > > This argument could go round and round forever. Yes, obviously it could. > [@](#): > > “breaking the marriage vows” is bad if you are married. And helping someone else break marriage vows suddenly isn’t? Does it work this way in any other capacity? If it’s “bad” (and you agree that it’s “bad,” right?) then why is it perfectly acceptable to help someone else do something “bad”? This I don’t get. > [@](#): > > I never made anyone break their marriage vows. I am not married so I am not breaking mine. But you \*helped. \* This is the crux of it for me. You helped someone _betray_ someone else. IMO, I think it would usually be best just to stay away from it–don’t help, don’t do anything, just say, “Hey man, leave me out of this.” But no, you don’t want to stay out of it–apparently you want to _help._ > [@](#): > > ruadh wrote: > I never thought of the woman who had an affair with my ex as doing anything morally wrong herself. Fair enough–that’s somewhat consistent for you to say that. So I am to assume that you would agree that helping someone betray their spouse is morally right? I think we’ve pretty much covered everything here. “Betraying” someone is bad. _Helping_ somebody betray someone else is good. Okay. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/132 "2003-11-06T12:20:16Z")
> [@](#): > > calm kiwi wrote: > > This argument could go round and round forever. Yes, obviously it could. > [@](#): > > “breaking the marriage vows” is bad if you are married. And helping someone else break marriage vows suddenly isn’t? Does it work this way in any other capacity? If it’s “bad” (and you agree that it’s “bad,” right?) then why is it perfectly acceptable to help someone else do something “bad”? This I don’t get. > [@](#): > > I never made anyone break their marriage vows. I am not married so I am not breaking mine. But you \*helped. \* This is the crux of it for me. You helped someone _betray_ someone else. IMO, I think it would usually be best just to stay away from it–don’t help, don’t do anything, just say, “Hey man, leave me out of this.” But no, you don’t want to stay out of it–apparently you want to _help._ > [@](#): > > ruadh wrote: > I never thought of the woman who had an affair with my ex as doing anything morally wrong herself. Fair enough–that’s somewhat consistent for you to say that. So I am to assume that you would agree that helping someone betray their spouse is morally right? I think we’ve pretty much covered everything here. “Betraying” someone is bad. _Helping_ somebody betray someone else is good. Okay. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/133 "2003-11-06T12:22:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > **So I am to assume that you would agree that helping someone betray their spouse is morally right?** Not necessarily, it may just be morally neutral. ---
**Author:** ![jacobsta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@jacobsta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacobsta)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/134 "2003-11-06T15:59:41Z")
Well, I don’t usually get involved with this sort of thread, being that it seems more pit like than IMHO, but I just wanted to say that I agree with Yosemitebabe, FWIW. I guess I tend to think of the man/woman that my spouse would be cheating with as an analogy with the getaway driver for the bank robbery. If the question is “did he rob the bank” then the answer is of, course, no !- but if the question is - “did he commit a crime”, then the answer is hell yes ! Whether the bank robber would have found another getaway driver or not, the fact is, YOU decided to assist in the commision of a felony, and you are going to be the one liable for your own actions. Anyway, I know that If my future wife is ever cheating on me with another man, I sure as hell will be holding him very responsible (in addition to the wife, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/135 "2003-11-06T18:17:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jacobsta \* > \*\* Anyway, I know that If my future wife is ever cheating on me with another man, I sure as hell will be holding him very responsible (in addition to the wife, of course). \*\* ``` Anyone except yourself of course... right ? ``` > [@](#): > > will be holding him What if its a “she” ? No problem ? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/137 "2013-05-16T18:19:14Z")
The dynamics of supply and demand apply even to zombies. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/138 "2013-05-16T18:20:18Z")
Zombie sluts are the worst! ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621/139 "2013-05-16T19:15:57Z")
The fact that this thread is so old, many of the participants are no longer around, and because the framing of this discussion is at odds with the tone we’re trying now to take, I’m closing this thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-sluts-so-hated-and-reviled-by-other-women/210621.md?page=6)