# Why are there so many sexless marriages if women love sex just as much as men? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2010, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502 "2010-01-03T09:54:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/101 "2010-01-04T13:43:07Z")
I originally came in here to say that no matter the amount of sex my ex was getting, typically 3-5 times a week, (and yes he was practically a large hairy child I was raising) he would claim it had been WEEKS!, WEEKS! since he’d gotten any. So there could be some misreporting on that front as well. > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I will bet you, if there were big dick husbands out there willing to hold out on their wives, they would see a huge increase of their wives initiating, nay, begging for sex. Or maybe not, since she can procure a large penis elsewhere. > > [snip] > > My main point is big dicks. I think most men that find women love sex have big dicks. Just my guess. I beg to differ, if all men were packing big guns, then the ‘big’ would eventually become ‘average’. Plus, from what I’ve noticed, well endowed men are lazy and unskilled. Unless I’ve been whooshed, in which case, carry on! Plus, w00t!, my 1000th post has penis ensued! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/102 "2010-01-04T14:11:05Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > If it’s a given that women enjoy sex as much and want it as frequently as men do, why do so many marriages end up sexless (which I think is defined as less than once per month or something)? In my parents’ case, the short version would be: - she had the higher sex drive - he not only had a lower sex drive, but also much narrower definitions of what constitutes “acceptable sex” - there were medical issues involved (I’ve mentioned before that Mom was bedridden for almost two years, that’s the point where sex stopped and didn’t restart) I would like to append to **miamouse** ’s post that, while I can’t tell what are “supersize” guys like, I can certify that it’s possible to be on the short side, have the sex drive of a bunny rabbit, and blow goats in bed. My sex drive goes up a lot when it knows I’m going to get Good Sex, compared to when all that’s in the cards is pain and stress. Plus, I don’t think that a guy who’s refused to have sex because he was squicked out about something or just playing meanie has the right to complain about his girlfriend “not being horny enough” (and yes, I’ve had a bf withdraw sex because he didn’t like that I’d eaten fish for dinner - no, he didn’t last). ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/103 "2010-01-04T15:02:33Z")
> [@miamouse](#): > > I originally came in here to say that no matter the amount of sex my ex was getting, typically 3-5 times a week, (and yes he was practically a large hairy child I was raising) he would claim it had been WEEKS!, WEEKS! since he’d gotten any. So there could be some misreporting on that front as well. > > I beg to differ, if all men were packing big guns, then the ‘big’ would eventually become ‘average’. Plus, from what I’ve noticed, well endowed men are lazy and unskilled. > > Unless I’ve been whooshed, in which case, carry on! > > Plus, w00t!, my 1000th post has penis ensued! Oh, you haven’t been whooshed. I’m very serious. If all dicks were big, they would be average, statistically speaking, but omygodly speaking, they would still be awesome. I mean really. I haven’t noticed that men with big penises are any lazier on average than any other man. Most times, I notice men are very enthusiastic about sex, as am I. Although, I have my lazy days, and I notice that my husband has his lazy days too. Interestingly, usually on the same days I have mine. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/104 "2010-01-04T15:18:35Z")
Too late for edit window, I know, but I wanted to say to fisha, that I have taken your points as well. But I want to avoid the idea men with big equipment are any lazier than anyone else…most times, men are men, and if you bring your big personality into a bedroom, then he is more likely to bring his too, regardless if he has anything else big to bring. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/105 "2010-01-04T15:32:56Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Oh, you haven’t been whooshed. I’m very serious. If all dicks were big, they would be average, statistically speaking, but omygodly speaking, they would still be awesome. I mean really. Obviously all people are different. I am glad you enjoy the large dick. For some of us, it hurts and is a huge turnoff. Therefore, one may just as easily say, “the marriage is sexless because of a large penis which is painful to the woman” as “the marriage is sexless because of a small penis which is unsatisfying.” Both account for a very small fraction of the problem, I am fairly sure. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/106 "2010-01-04T15:35:33Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Obviously all people are different. I am glad you enjoy the large dick. For some of us, it hurts and is a huge turnoff. Therefore, one may just as easily say, “the marriage is sexless because of a large penis which is painful to the woman” as “the marriage is sexless because of a small penis which is unsatisfying.” > > Both account for a very small fraction of the problem, I am fairly sure. Agreed. I hate really big dicks. And I can’t even come from vaginal intercourse, so the size wouldn’t really affect me–unless it were SO big it was painful, which would make me dislike it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/107 "2010-01-04T15:35:48Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > S > [ul] > [li]Person A enjoys wine, but only if it is of the finest quality, the ambience in the room is just right, the temperature of the wine is just right, and they are not bothered by too many issues from work and home[/li][li]Person B enjoys wine as much as Person A, but in addition to enjoying it in the same conditions as Person A above, he/she likes it so much that he/she doesn’t mind having some lesser-quality wine, under lesser-quality conditions.[/li][/ul] I think this analogy might work better for many women if Person A was never sure if they were going to get wine at all. The ambiance and everything would be there, and nice, but while B got served every time A would occasionally have to go to the fridge and get a beer. That is also really interesting, about being ‘over touched.’ I’d try to come up with an analogy for men’s bodies but I fear it would come off as paedo-like. Not applicable to all women, of course, but because it often takes a bit more time and work to get to orgasm for a woman, having a small window in which to do it (e.g. while the kid’s asleep) might make it less appealing than masturbation. I’ve mentioned this before, but the term ‘sex drive’ is about as simple as the term sex – do we mean a wish to have sex of some sort with another human, a wish for orgasm, or a desire for both? ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/108 "2010-01-04T16:01:40Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Obviously all people are different. I am glad you enjoy the large dick. For some of us, it hurts and is a huge turnoff. Therefore, one may just as easily say, “the marriage is sexless because of a large penis which is painful to the woman” as “the marriage is sexless because of a small penis which is unsatisfying.” > > Both account for a very small fraction of the problem, I am fairly sure. Since it is obvious that all women are different, let’s just assume that and not even bother to state. I am beating the big dick drum for a reason. I think (only speaking for me; in hindsight I guess I DO have to stress that) that a lot of women hesitate to admit that they like a big penis. I believe there may be some women out there that may think people might think them sluts or something if they admit they like big penises. I am not trying to dismiss women that don’t like big penises. I am trying to be a tiny voice for some women that may not want to admit that their hubbies aren’t really bringing the excitment in that area. Because I believe that a lot of men that claim their women are frigid or whatever may feel more comfortable desexualizing her…pretending it is all about her widdle feewings when maybe, just maybe, it is about his widdle penis. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/109 "2010-01-04T16:15:03Z")
I HATE big dicks. They hurt. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/110 "2010-01-04T16:53:18Z")
There’s a whole big range between “average” and “dude, I have no place for that”. No need to hate on all of it. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/111 "2010-01-04T17:03:40Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > “dude, I have no place for that”. Haaa! Sometimes you just gotta shake your head and walk away! ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/112 "2010-01-04T17:13:50Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Jesus H. Christ… if we \*like \*sex, we must have daddy issues or have been abused. If we _don’t_ like sex, we must have daddy issues or have been abused. Men of course don’t have these kinds of issues because they actually grow _up_, whereas women just grow breasts. :rolleyes: Why would you assume I’m talking about only the female? Why would you assume that liking sex I consider ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’, or a disorder? Why would you assume that I believe men don’t have these issues? Why would you assume that I believe women don’t grow up? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/113 "2010-01-04T17:16:45Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > And I can’t even come from vaginal intercourse… Waitaminute – _what_? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/114 "2010-01-04T17:18:31Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Waitaminute – _what_? What? I thought most women couldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/115 "2010-01-04T17:26:40Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > 1. I’m generally the one to initiate. This gets old. Very old. (sigh) This is true. > [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > And if sex is the _only_ thing that’s not up to snuff in a relationship, are you gonna pull the ripcord just for that? Well, it is _ **very** _ important. > [@](#): > > My libido’s dropped off since hitting 40…it’s made things a little easier to deal with. If this is true of most men, I’ll never be happy… Edit: Slit, I do it all the time. I mean, did it all the time. When I used to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/116 "2010-01-04T17:33:06Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I mean, did it all the time. When I used to have sex. _Waitaminute – what?_ ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/117 "2010-01-04T17:33:36Z")
I’m married, you know… ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/118 "2010-01-04T17:35:03Z")
Good for you but a lot of women don’t get off that way. Some people get off with clitoral stimulation while having vaginal sex, but for me it’s kind of hard to deal with both at once…I can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/119 "2010-01-04T17:35:59Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m married, you know… I see. ---
**Author:** ![kingbighair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/13edae/32.png) [@kingbighair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingbighair)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502/120 "2010-01-04T17:41:22Z")
Women probably (physically) enjoy sex more than men. It’s just the way our bodies are set up. I am having trouble with the OP’s logic. It seems to beg the question that enjoying sex means someone will want to have it. I really enjoy a stacked reuben; I don’t eat one every day. Women are simply better at controlling the urge to have sex. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-there-so-many-sexless-marriages-if-women-love-sex-just-as-much-as-men/523502.md?page=7)