# Why are you always late? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2021, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631 "2021-05-21T16:28:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 27
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/523 "2021-08-28T19:53:30Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > claiming “It’s difficult to be on time.” Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/524 "2021-08-28T20:05:01Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > What I have a problem with is when someone says that they will be somewhere at a certain time, and they don’t follow through. And I’m not saying that they have to be “right on the dot” as some of the strawmakers in this thread have spun. If someone says 5:00 PM, and they show up at 5:05, no problem. 5:10, they may get a raised eyebrow. 5:15, and I’ll ask what kept them so long, and why they didn’t call to let me know they were running behind. 5:30, and I’ve left. I am on time enough by your standards. And if i mess up and I’m later, i will certainly call/text you. I nonetheless consider myself a not-on-time person. And by my husband’s standards, I’m not. I suspect there are a lot of different standards being batted around in this thread. > [@nelliebly](#): > > I understand completely. I’m hoping they’d help Puzzlegal with her concerns about gate changes, but maybe that’d just be a drop in a very large bucket. I do get text alerts. If I’m actually relaxing, i may not notice a text alert. So i don’t relax at airports. I can relax on airplanes, and i really enjoy flying. But i hate the airport part. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/525 "2021-08-28T20:11:46Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Because they stress themselves out by choosing not to make it easier on them. They put themselves in situations where they are already running late _and because of that_ they are stressed to make up the time to be on time. Get up an half-hour earlier and cut the shower time in half and reduce the stress. I cannot speak for others, and I am a person so terrified of Not Failing Other People that I am virtually always on time. But I have empathy for those who cannot be on time without enormous stress and effort. If it was as straightforward as so many posters not just assume, but hold as a kind of unassailable self-evident truth, then surely the only people who would be late for anything would be those broadsided by an unseen bus. I would rather posit that being chronically late in a culture so obsessed with being on time is probably the result of complex, subtle, difficult to tease out issues, perhaps deep ugly ones that the person does not have the resources to access or deal with. It’s like thin people telling fat people to eat less – so simple! What the fuck is the matter with you? In fact it is very like. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/526 "2021-08-28T20:35:41Z")
No it’s not. Someone overeating doesn’t affect me. One of my exes was of the “I’m going to wash these glasses first type”. She simply didn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. And hypocritically would get infuriated if she had to wait on someone. My very good friend Jo has a TBI. She pretty much never makes plans that require a commitment to timeliness. Be like Jo. Don’t make a comment that you can’t do ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/527 "2021-08-28T20:43:14Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Hence my question of why is it difficult to put forth minimal effort to be on time. I don’t think my 3 examples should be difficult to implement but let’s say it is. I’m honestly curious WHY those things (getting up earlier, shorter prep time, better estimation of travel time) are difficult for people to do. It surprises me that you don’t see how these are difficult. Well, not the “pad Google’s estimate in case there’s an accident” part. I actually find Google usually estimates my drive time to within a minute or two, so i don’t pad it unless it would be a critical failure to be late, but it’s easy enough to do it. But get up half an hour earlier? Do you not feel groggy and find it hard to do anything at all if you wake up early? And shorter shower? Pray tell, how do you time yourself in the shower? Seriously? If i need to get somewhere early in the morning i can skip the shower, but cut it short by some precise amount? What magic do you use to accomplish that? That’s an honest question. That seems completely impossible to me. (I avoid scheduling anything that would require that kind of Herculean effort, personally.) ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/528 "2021-08-28T20:46:39Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Do you not feel groggy and find it hard to do anything at all if you wake up early? And shorter shower? Pray tell, how do you time yourself in the shower? Seriously? If i need to get somewhere early in the morning i can skip the shower, but cut it short by some precise amount? What magic do you use to accomplish that? That’s an honest question. That seems completely impossible to me. Yes I may want an extra 30 minutes of sleep, but that’s why I say it takes effort to be on time and people that are habitually late **choose** to sleep that extra 30 minutes knowing it will probably make them late. As for the shower: phone timer alarm. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/529 "2021-08-28T20:52:52Z")
And what do you do when the phone alarm goes off and your hair is still covered in shampoo? Seriously, a point alarm doesn’t do jack shit. You need to have a sense of what time it is and how much time is left all through the shower. If you can actually time your shower, you have a magic power that many of us lack. And i think you missed my point about being groggy. Sometimes, i wake up and i am up and can function. And sometimes my brain isn’t there, yet. And groggy brains don’t work. Groggy brains don’t put the keys in the pocket. They spill milk on the counter instead on in the cereal bowl, and then struggle to find the sponge to clean up. I usually can wake up two hours early if i need to. I usually can’t wake up half an hour early, although sometimes i can. If you don’t understand that being groggy means being unable to function, though, then again, you have a super power that many people lack. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/530 "2021-08-28T21:01:44Z")
**Just Say No** to being late. That approach works well for disorders/diseases like addiction, OCD, bipolar, etc. after all. Right? ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/531 "2021-08-28T21:15:01Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I’m honestly curious WHY those things (getting up earlier, shorter prep time, better estimation of travel time) are difficult for people to do. My wife is often somewhat late, and it is not an issue with any one of those things. She knows how long the drive is, she has a good estimate of how much time it will take her to get ready, etc., but she fails in the execution. Don’t read this as a “complain about your spouse” rant, it’s really just observations from a prompt person about somebody who is not-as-prompt, but definitely not exceedingly late. She knows she has to start getting ready about 5:30 to arrive at 6:30, but at 5:30 she’s doing something else, and instead of stopping cold, she keeps working on the other thing. When she finally finishes and switches tasks to getting ready it’s 5:45, and she’s running late. She also does the “rinsing dishes” thing, but that’s because she’s waiting for other people (aka, me). We need to leave at 5:30. At 5:25 she’s ready. I have to do one more thing (pee) before leaving, so she goes off and starts doing the dishes or something, instead of just waiting for 2 minutes doing nothing (aka, playing on her phone). It’s now time to leave, but she can’t switch tasks, so we have to wait for the dishes to be finished, and then we’re late. The other issue is communication. What she’ll say is “we have to be at the show at 6:30,” and then I’m stressed when we’re running late. What she meant was, “doors are at 6:30, the show starts at 7:30, and I’d like to be there before 7,” so arriving at 6:50 is perfectly fine, but I was operating like we were really late. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/532 "2021-08-28T21:42:01Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Pray tell, how do you time yourself in the shower? Seriously? Umm. What? Turn on shower, get in, wash, shampoo, rinse, get out and dry off. Simple. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/533 "2021-08-28T22:02:33Z")
> [@Esprise\_Me](#): > > I think in a sense this whole thread has been people who can accomplish something with a minimal level of attentiveness that doesn’t feel effortful to them, asking why to those who find it much more difficult, and just not being able to grasp that they’re different. Yup. > [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > This is all well trodden earth in this very thread. Scroll up a few hundred posts. No one is going to convince anyone else. Also yup. I’ll add that I find airports, like many (not all) indoor business places, actively unpleasant to be in. The lighting’s usually unpleasant, the air’s often unpleasant, the types of noise are definitely unpleasant, the announcements are loud but mostly unintelligible, the seating’s all uncomfortable for me because it’s all designed for somebody taller, there’s all too often somebody audibly snarling at somebody else, and all the water tastes terrible to me and these days you’re not allowed to bring your own. And I am stuck with having to get there early because it’s the only way I can avoid being late. Luckily I’m very rarely stuck with having to fly. > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Because saying “It’s difficult for me.” does not necessarily negate my premise that people make no effort to be on time. To me, my experience with people are habitually late it’s like saying “Powerpoints are difficult for me.” because you start 10 minutes before the presentation or “History is difficult for me.” because you don’t study for the tests. Like my step-mom who is always late. If it’s difficult for her to be on time, then why is it difficult to NOT rinse the glasses in the sink? > > Hence my question of why is it difficult to put forth minimal effort to be on time. Because people have said over and over and over again that for many of us it is NOT “minimal effort”, sometimes with explanations with considerable detail; and some in this thread are refusing to acknowledge this. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/534 "2021-08-28T22:26:06Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > And shorter shower? Pray tell, how do you time yourself in the shower? Seriously? If i need to get somewhere early in the morning i can skip the shower, but cut it short by some precise amount? What magic do you use to accomplish that? I have heard of an invention that you can stick onto a wall that will actually tell you what time it is! It’s magic! ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/535 "2021-08-28T22:29:41Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > I have heard of an invention that you can stick onto a wall that will actually tell you what time it is! It’s magic! Most versions of it won’t long remain functional inside a shower. Even if they could be read through the water and without one’s glasses on. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/536 "2021-08-28T22:31:26Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Most versions of it won’t long remain functional inside a shower. Here you go: [Waterproof shower clocks](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=shower+clock&ref=nb_sb_noss) ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/537 "2021-08-28T22:40:02Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > You know what helps my anxiety about flying the most? Not flying. This is my best solution. I was supposed to go to a conference (for learning not schmoozing) halfway across the country. I panicked, but then I found a similar conference half a day’s drive away, and got approval to go there instead. It was lovely… no gates, no fellow passengers, and I got to listen to a book on the way. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2021, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/538 "2021-08-28T22:58:06Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Here you go: [Waterproof shower clocks](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=shower+clock&ref=nb_sb_noss) > Avoid placing clock directly in front of heavy water spray. – in other words, not all that waterproof. And at least some of them are advertised just as being for use somewhere in the bathroom or kitchen. Some of them may actually be waterproof; it’s hard to tell from most of the listings. The ones giving an IP rating give 24, which as near as I can tell will keep out occasional splashes but not direct spray. Do you have one of these inside your own shower? ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2021, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/539 "2021-08-29T01:05:18Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > And what do you do when the phone alarm goes off and your hair is still covered in shampoo? How long does it take you to get wet, soap up, shampoo, rinse off? > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Because people have said over and over and over again that for many of us it is NOT “minimal effort”, sometimes with explanations with considerable detail; and some in this thread are refusing to acknowledge this. The argument most people in this thread claiming this are stating in elaborate terms, I have no sense of time. What I don’t see are those people saying, “I’ve tried these strategies [A, B , C] and they don’t work for me because … .” You talk all the time in this thread about how being punctual takes most if not all of your mental energy and attention because you don’t have that mental clock you imply the rest of us have. So what do you do to counteract that? Set alarms? Have someone in your house prompt you? “30 minutes until we have to go.” And I’ve seen a lot of your posts where your expectation is the world runs on thorny\_locust time and not actual time. > if you think saying I’m going to pick you up to go to the mall at 10 requires the same degree of punctuality as saying I’ll pick you up at 10 to take you to the airport, you need to specify that when making appointments; because there are a whole lot of people who don’t mean it that way. > Judging by my experience with meetings: most people are planning on B, and often on starting more at 1310 or 1315 than at 1300. Even some of the meetings that say they start at 7:30 with half an hour explicitly allowed for registration and getting situated often don’t start the first session right at 8. > > I do know some meetings that are expected to start dead on time. But IME not the majority. And I am not in the least surprised, and not ticked off, if I schedule a meeting and the attendees are clearly expecting B. If we’ve got a limited time for the meeting, I’m pretty good at keeping an agenda on track and moving once we get started; which also IME is by far the bigger problem with wasted time at meetings. > If I aready know that, that changes the entire picture. Exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you is that you need to let people know that you’re like that. > And it’s been explained over and over in this thread that not everyone thinks a trip to the mall has to start at a precise point; a lot of people, including a lot of entire social groups, do indeed think of such times as approximate. You keep saying > It’s been explained over and over in this thread why some people have major difficulty getting anywhere at a precise time. No it really hasn’t. People say, “It is difficult for me to be on-time.” I think a few of the people in this thread have an actual medical condition and/or disability that makes it difficult for them to process time. And like I’ve said I see where that answers my question. Ulfreida brought up the planning fallacy and I’ve read some papers on that. But simply saying it is difficult without explaining WHY it is difficult or the process you go through to try to be on-time is not really an answer - especially as when people come back with questions of why you don’t use strategies, there is pushback on using strategies at all. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2021, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/540 "2021-08-29T01:05:26Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > > And shorter shower? Pray tell, how do you time yourself in the shower? Seriously? If i need to get somewhere early in the morning i can skip the shower, but cut it short by some precise amount? What magic do you use to accomplish that? > > I have heard of an invention that you can stick onto a wall that will actually tell you what time it is! It’s magic! And is this how you time your shower? Honestly, I’d rather just skip the shower the two days a year when i have a tight deadline early in the morning than buy a clock for my shower. But my point is that the mere fact that someone thinks it’s easy to simply take a shorter shower suggests that that person has skills that make it easier for them to be on time than for, i would guess, the vast majority of humanity. So they have no business lecturing us on how we are just lazy. Because they have no clue. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2021, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/541 "2021-08-29T01:24:52Z")
First flight since Covid, and it was leaving at 6 am, across town… …and my alarm didn’t go off. Okay, I will NEVER say I can’t get ready fast. I ran naked down the stairs, jumped in shower without it warming up. Shampooed my whole body/rinsed/dried… hey, 3.5 minutes! Dressed just as fast, grabbed energy bars for breakfast, sped all the way (it was fun slaloming through the early morning delivery trucks), annnd… got to the gate with ten minutes to spare! (This was for my kid’s graduation on the east coast, so a later flight was NOT an option.) Just recounting this is reminding me of that hour-long adrenaline rush… ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2021, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/542 "2021-08-29T01:26:58Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > So they have no business lecturing us on how we are just lazy. Because they have no clue. I don’t think anyone accused you of being lazy. My frustration (and maybe why you think they are calling you lazy) is when people offer suggestions to help and there is no response. To us punctualists, it seems easy and you claim it’s hard but there is nothing deeper than “it is hard for me.” You asked how people take short showers to stay on time. To Eyebrows Of Doom, you blew them off. To my suggestion of a timer, you ask what if the timer goes off and you’re not done. Well then finish up and stop just standing under the hot water. You did not answer my question about doing a de minimus shower. Get wet, soap up, rinse off. Less than 5 minutes. thorny\_locust raises the same issues you do but their earlier posts reveal that they assume 10am really means some nebulous time between 10:20am to 10:40am unless YOU tell them that 10 = 10. Do you not see how to us, those appear as excuses and not reasons? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631.md?page=26) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631.md?page=28)