# Why are you always late? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2021, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631 "2021-05-21T16:28:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 34
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/663 "2021-09-04T18:05:33Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Yeah, the people who are always late are the _real_ victims here. In the whole wide world? No, of course not. In this thread? Yeah, pretty much. Lots of people who have no understanding of how other people process the world beating up on strangers who are different. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/664 "2021-09-04T19:27:48Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Lots of people who have no understanding of how other people process the world beating up on strangers who are different. But you don’t seem to be one of the people being described here, as you’ve been clear that you will let people know if you’re running late. It’s the people that can’t be bothered to let their friends/families know that they’re running _hours_ late that are the issue. It’s hard to ascribe perpetual lateness to anything but self-centeredness if the person can’t be arsed to do that much. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/665 "2021-09-04T19:56:26Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > It’s the people that can’t be bothered to let their friends/families know that they’re running _hours_ late that are the issue. I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to keep saying it, or why I have to keep saying it: those are most certainly not the only people being criticized in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/666 "2021-09-04T20:24:51Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Yeah, the people who are always late are the _real_ victims here. This thread is giving me serious deja vu. 🤣 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/667 "2021-09-04T20:33:59Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > But you don’t seem to be one of the people being described here, as you’ve been clear that you will let people know if you’re running late. As thorny locust points out, the people being described cover a wide gamut. But my brother is one of those people who is often hours late, and doesn’t always communicate it clearly. And it’s not because he’s lazy and self centered. I think it’s related to diagnosed psychological issues in his case. And the rest of the family gripes about it, of course, because it’s often a nuisance for us. But we don’t hold him in contempt like i feel from many of the posters here. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/668 "2021-09-04T20:46:14Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > That is to say, all others except people who inconvenience you. _Those_ people, you are free to loathe, and it’s totally fine to attribute all sorts of nastiness to – selfishness, laziness, lack of whatever you have that makes you superior to them. Says the person who called punctual people “time nazis”. That was the only post in this entire thread that was over the top disgusting. Some serious hypocrisy here. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/669 "2021-09-04T20:54:12Z")
Was he chronically late throughout 12 years of schooling? Does he hold down a regular job? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/670 "2021-09-04T20:59:49Z")
I have no idea how late he was as a child. He is employed, and actually earns more money than the rest of us combined, but he doesn’t have regular hours. He buys and sells and manages properties, including large commercial properties. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/671 "2021-09-04T21:06:36Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > He buys and sells and manages properties, including large commercial properties. How does he keep appointments with the buyers/sellers? If he’s supposed to show a prospective client a property at 1 PM, the client isn’t going to wait for him to show up at 3:30. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/672 "2021-09-04T21:15:52Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > > [@Ulfreida](#): > > > > That is to say, all others except people who inconvenience you. _Those_ people, you are free to loathe, and it’s totally fine to attribute all sorts of nastiness to – selfishness, laziness, lack of whatever you have that makes you superior to them. > > Says the person who called punctual people “time nazis”. That was the only post in this entire thread that was over the top disgusting. Some serious hypocrisy here. Look, I am obsessively on time. I know why I am, and some of it is laudable, some of it really isn’t. I used to feel that thing so many on this thread feel, that someone being late is an infuriating personal insult. I got better. I stopped blaming other people for my own feelings (as much). I got better at accepting what people have to offer, at accepting that at any given moment, people are mostly doing the very best they can with the shitty hand they’ve been dealt. I find the intensity of anger toward other people who inconvenience you to be a frightening and ugly part of modern life. People who drive the speed limit in the fast lane, people who have five too many items for the quick check out line, people who have the nerve to try to make small talk to strangers, gosh the list is endless. It isn’t punctuality that makes a time nazi. It’s the fury at those who aren’t punctual, and the adamant opposition to trying to understand someone else’s behavior. Timeliness has nothing to do with it, self-righteous punitiveness does. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/673 "2021-09-04T21:41:44Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > > He buys and sells and manages properties, including large commercial properties. > > How does he keep appointments with the buyers/sellers? If he’s supposed to show a prospective client a property at 1 PM, the client isn’t going to wait for him to show up at 3:30. No clue. And he’s not literally “always late”. But “he might be 3 hours late to Thanksgiving dinner”, or “don’t accept a ride from him if you care about being on time” is just one of those things we’ve gotten used to ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/674 "2021-09-04T22:06:37Z")
> [@bump](#): > > As far as they directly affect other people in a day to day life, yes. They need to seek help of some kind, or mitigate those behaviors that negatively affect others. That’s just common courtesy. They don’t get a pass to engage in negative behaviors like that just because they have a problem. They may have a reason, but it’s not an excuse. That’s more reasonable, but you need to realise that for many people it’s _not_ easy, they are not just being selfish, ‘man up’ is useless advice, and there is no help available. You don’t think I _like_ having a broken brain, do you? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/675 "2021-09-04T22:23:06Z")
So he CAN be on time, if it’s to his professional/financial benefit. He chooses not to with family/friends. That doesn’t sound like a “psychological issue” but a personal choice. And that’s what people are objecting to–choosing not to be on time. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/676 "2021-09-04T22:48:03Z")
It sounds more like he chose a career that doesn’t rely on being on time. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/677 "2021-09-04T22:53:07Z")
How does someone who buys/sells/manage properties handle things such as showings, inspections, closings, etc, without being on time, or at least mostly on time? ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/678 "2021-09-04T23:03:45Z")
I’m just skeptical that it’s something that can’t be controlled or adjusted for. I’ve known people who were chronically late and worked on basically “Italian time”, and then joined the military and ended up the most punctual of all of us. If they could be on time after that, anyone can. It sounds to me like several people are basically saying “Being on time for me takes a lot of effort and planning that I don’t like to do. Therefore I am choosing not to do it because it is onerous for me.” Either you can get there on time, regardless of the amount of effort it takes you, or you’re deliberately choosing to be late and potentially inconvenience others. Those really are the only two choices, and those of us who object to the second don’t really care about how onerous the first is. It’s not necessarily fun for us either, but we respect others and their time, so we get it done. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/679 "2021-09-04T23:05:00Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > It sounds more like he chose a career that doesn’t rely on being on time. This. And i bet he’s lost deals due to being late. But a lot of his value is researching the facts and developing deals that are beneficial to each side. He’s not a real estate agent who takes people around to look at properties. For instance, he made a lot of money for his then-employer by realizing that people with shitty credit scores from resolved medical issues mostly do pay their bills, and he bought their debt cheap. He wasn’t the person who actually bought the debt, he was the guy who said, “buy these loans”. That’s a function where the deadlines are measured in weeks and days, not hours and minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2021, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/680 "2021-09-04T23:49:15Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > But the calculus class was a joy – literally one of the highlights of my life Okay, this makes me want to flog you with a pillow. Algebra and trig were fun. Calculus was the bane of my existence for three agonizing semesters of college. Then came the beauty that is differential equations. Why anybody bothers with calculus when DiffyQ is so much easier is beyond me. Yeah, I know that’s not what this thread is about, but it shall not pass! ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2021, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/681 "2021-09-05T13:49:23Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Because, as has been said over and over and over in this thread, there are entire social groups in which “10:00” in that context does mean “somewhere around 10:00”. But here is the thing, you choose the default as 20-30 minutes late as you have said in your posts. Let’s say I move to your town and we agree that you will take me to the mall at 10am. You have no clue if I believe: If you’re early you’re on-time and if you’re on-time you’re late 10 means 10 10 give or take 5 or 10 minutes is cool. Anytime before 10:30 works for me. What time do you show up to pick me up? Second question, if you are 20 minutes late to pick me up and and I left at 10:10 without calling you so I’m no longer at my house when you got there, would you think I was rude? ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2021, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/682 "2021-09-05T13:54:35Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > In the whole wide world? No, of course not. In this thread? Yeah, pretty much. Lots of people who have no understanding of how other people process the world beating up on strangers who are different. You don’t seem to be one of the people that are habitually late. From what I’ve read, you make a real effort to be on time. This is about people that don’t give an care that they are running late or who it inconveniences. Running late for the doctor’s? Running late for work? Running late to the movies? Running late to the airport? It’s all the same, “Meh no big deal.” to them or even worse, “I’m running late again so yet again YOU need to work your schedule around me.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631.md?page=33) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631.md?page=35)