# Why are you always late? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2021, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631 "2021-05-21T16:28:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 42
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/823 "2023-01-17T13:42:52Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Seriously, you never lose track of time? That’s an awesome super power. It has its downside. It makes it a lot harder to get lost in a good book or movie, or to get so wrapped up in an absorbing activity that you wonder where the time went. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/824 "2023-01-17T13:46:21Z")
Have i mentioned that i avoid getting to airports too early because there’s too much of a risk that I’ll get lost in a book and miss my flight? It’s nearly happened twice. Once they had to page me by name, twice. I hadn’t noticed my gate had moved. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/825 "2023-01-17T13:47:59Z")
(waiting someone to say I’m selfish and don’t care that other people were inconvenienced by my prioritizing the book over their flight.) ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/826 "2023-01-17T14:01:48Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Since there all those tools, how are on time people supposed to interpret the actions of those that are always late? A less snarky answer is that you should infer that other people experience the world differently than you do. I hate getting drunk. Even if i drink a little too much, i want to curl up and sleep, and i REALLY don’t want to interact with other people. If everyone else experienced alcohol the same way i do, no one would serve it at parties and other social settings. And yet, i observe that alcohol is routinely served at parties. From this i infer that other people experience drunkenness differently than i do. I think the on-time people ought to take the same message from this thread. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/827 "2023-01-17T14:21:10Z")
I really miss that feeling. As I get older, it seems more difficult for me to reach that level of engrossment in anything, when time just melts away and there’s no difference between a minute and an hour. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/828 "2023-01-17T14:22:49Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > It has its downside. It makes it a lot harder to get lost in a good book or movie, or to get so wrapped up in an absorbing activity that you wonder where the time went. :shrug: Not for me. It does not take the enjoyment out of reading or a movie or whatever. I always have a book with me on my phone or Kindle at the airport or when actually in the plane. I do have to be careful of gate changes because my hearing sucks. Also, my Wife and I enjoy chess, 6-12 games a week. I like it because I don’t have to think about work, or the next home project. I concentrate on chess. But I still know what time it is. Calling it a super power is just an excuse IMHO. We don’t play when we should be doing something else. That’s all. My Wife and her siblings spoke at their fathers funeral. She did not include one of her fathers maxims which was that if you’re late, you feel that your time is more important than others. Her SIL is always late. I suggested she did not talk about that when she was on stage speaking. And, as I predicted, the SIL was late. Making my wifes brother late. I checked in with work at 6:50am. Yeah, I’m still here on the dope. I’ll keep my eye on things, and plan what I’m going to do next. I’ve been making training videos to try to cover what I do because I will be retiring in a few years and I don’t want to just say, ‘Good luck trying to figure this stuff out’. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/829 "2023-01-17T14:40:46Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > We don’t play when we should be doing something else. That’s all. You just said that you DO read while waiting for an airplane. So this is false. I don’t pull out my Kindle until I’ve boarded because otherwise I’ll miss my flight. You also said that you can keep track of time while playing chess. Seriously, that’s a super power. That you fail to understand that other people can’t do these things is a failing of your interpretations of their observed behavior. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/830 "2023-01-17T14:57:45Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > You just said that you DO read while waiting for an airplane. So this is false. Huh? I don’t expect to just walk to the gate and board the plane. I am early for that. That’s just prudent. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > You also said that you can keep track of time while playing chess. Seriously, that’s a super power. I have a clock. Conversation usually goes like this - “Shall we play another game?” “Sure, it’s not to late” I will generally know the time, and will always know if I need to be doing something else. And I can always, you know, look at the clock. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > That you fail to understand that other people can’t do these things is a failing of your interpretations of their observed behavior. When someone else is late, It’s certainly not a failure on my part. If there is a good reason, no problem at all. If it happens all the time. Umm. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/831 "2023-01-17T15:03:09Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > > You just said that you DO read while waiting for an airplane. So this is false. > > Huh? I don’t expect to just walk to the gate and board the plane. I am early for that. That’s just prudent. But if i get to the airport early, open my Kindle, and get engrossed in a book there’s an excellent chance i will miss my flight. So it’s wildly imprudent for me to read a novel at the airport. So much so that I NEVER do it. You just said “don’t play when you should be doing something else.” But you CAN play while waiting for an airplane. I can’t. > [@enipla](#): > > > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > > That you fail to understand that other people can’t do these things is a failing of your interpretations of their observed behavior. > > When someone else is late, It’s certainly not a failure on my part. I didn’t say it’s your fault they are late. I said it’s your fault if you assume they are late because they are somehow devaluing you. I mean, maybe they are. But it’s not NEARLY as certain as you believe. Your false understanding of the minds of others, and your uncharitable interpretations of their actions, are choices you make, not choices they make. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/832 "2023-01-17T15:12:43Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Seriously, you never lose track of time? That’s an awesome super power. Call it what you want but I don’t. My internal clock is very good and my mild ocd tendencies means I check in with the time a lot. If something is super critical, I set an alarm anyway. I get that it’s way easier for me. There are other things that are much harder for me and for those things I don’t make commitments that I can’t keep. I’m not going to go commit to go on a 30 mile bike ride with much more advanced riders because I can’t keep up and I’ll ruin the day for everyone. If you can’t keep the promise, don’t make the promise. Then we’re good. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/833 "2023-01-17T15:15:13Z")
Also, there was really above about people with ADHD or other disabilities. The world is not actually split into “can do” and “can’t do”. Almost all human capabilities occur in a spectrum. I’m really good at math. The odds are i can do things you simply can’t do. There are also a lot of math-based things that you probably can do with some effort, that i can do effortlessly. There are other people who can do those things with extreme effort, and yet others who simply can’t, even if their life depended on it. The same range exists in keeping track of time. Some people always know what time it is. Others can’t at all. Most are somewhere in between. But there’s a lot of “in between”, and people are all over the board on their time-sense abilities. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/834 "2023-01-17T15:20:35Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > If you can’t keep the promise, don’t make the promise. Then we’re good. Oh, trust me, i avoid making time-based promises. To the extent that other people push back. We used to visit my husband’s uncle at his home near a lake. And we’d go to the lake for the afternoon and he’d want to know when we would be home. I can’t even look at a watch when I’m in the water with my kids. (well, i now have a waterproof watch, but didn’t then.) And it’s not like anything critical depended on when we got home. We’d be making supper for all of us. He never went anywhere, even when we weren’t visiting. But he wanted to know WHAT TIME. My husband would pick a time and take responsibility for us getting back. It’s quite hard to avoid making promises, but i do try. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/835 "2023-01-17T15:33:28Z")
puzzlegal, please don’t think that this is some sort of attack on you. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > are choices you make, not choices they make. But this is where we disagree. There are very easy tools to use to honor your (the general your) commitments. It could be something as easy to say as plus or minus 20 minutes. Setting an alarm, whatever. What I find odd about people that have no sense of time is that they never seem to be early. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/836 "2023-01-17T15:38:23Z")
Browbeating someone in to making a commitment is terrible. If someone does that, they have no right to expect you to actually keep the “promise”. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/837 "2023-01-17T15:39:04Z")
I totally accept that shit happens. Especially if you have kids. None of us are talking about that. What late comers don’t seem to understand is that on time people may have other things to do that day that requires a schedule. 20 minutes late for lunch may screw up something else in our day. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/838 "2023-01-17T15:40:20Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Browbeating someone in to making a commitment is terrible. If someone does that, they have no right to expect you to actually keep the “promise”. Not talking about browbeating. Just talking about keeping commitments. If you can’t, say so. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/839 "2023-01-17T15:40:54Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > What I find odd about people that have no sense of time is that they never seem to be early. Because the no sense of time isn’t a plus or minus thing. It’s that things take longer than they imagine or they zone out or get engrossed in something. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/840 "2023-01-17T15:47:41Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > What late comers don’t seem to understand is that on time people may have other things to do that day that requires a schedule. 20 minutes late for lunch may screw up something else in our day. For stuff like this, I have a hard “end point,” and tell the person I’m meeting about it, and if the person doesn’t show up on time, I’ll just order for myself. Luckily, with all the people of all types I’ve known, it’s never been a major problem. They might show up 10 or 15 minutes late, and that’s okay, because they know I have places to be afterwards, and they respect that. I don’t really care why they’re late, I’ll just enjoy the time I have with them. And I am really surprised some people don’t seem to ever zone out time-wise. I have an uncanny skill of estimating time (especially how long tasks will take and what time it is, even though I never wear a watch – yes, these days there’s a phone), but if I know I don’t have to be anywhere anytime soon, I love to slip away into a mode where time is meaningless. As I said above, happens less and less now, but that sense of purely “being in the zone” and time disappearing is blissful. It’s a completely altered mental state, much like “highway hypnosis” where you drive for four hours with it feeling like nothing. Once again, been about 20 years since I’ve had those completely engrossing mental states. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/841 "2023-01-17T16:00:44Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > :shrug: Not for me. It does not take the enjoyment out of reading or a movie or whatever. But that’s not what I said. > [@enipla](#): > > Calling it a super power is just an excuse IMHO. Obviously it’s not literally super, but I think it’s fair to call having such a good sense of time that you never lose track of time a “super power,” rather like having perfect pitch, or a photographic memory, or an excellent sense of direction are examples of “super powers.” Different people’s brains work differently, and things come more easily for some than for others. Some people have ADHD, or dyslexia, or OCD, or hearing that sucks, or any of a number of other conditions that make some things more challenging for them than they are for other people. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2023, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631/842 "2023-01-17T16:48:27Z")
If you (Royal “_you_”) are chronically late amongst your friends and family, and they accept that quirk in you, then there’s no problem. _Ah, ol’ Bob’s late again, let’s give him a noogie, or a wedgie, or a wet willy when he finally arrives. Ha ha._ What I (and I believe others in this thread) object to are those who are perpetually late by a significant amount of time with people who are not friends and family, but rather people who are inconvenienced significantly by your lateness. They don’t think it’s funny. They don’t accept your chronic tardiness as a cute quirk. They rightfully see it as _you_ wasting _their_ time, and time can mean money or at least aggravation. Even having a psychological aberration that causes you to lose track of time or renders you incapable of scheduling properly, does not give you carte blanche, excusing you from being culpable for your actions. Unless your pathological chronic lateness is coupled with sociopathy, making you devoid of empathy, you must understand that your lateness inconveniences, or sometimes even harms others (others who are not excepting friends and family). There are things you can do to lessen or eliminate the problem. Do you lose track of time? There’s a device that you can strap onto your wrist that helps keep track of time. It’s called a mechanical appendage temporal chronometer, or something like that…ah, no, it’s called a _wristwatch_. Of course, you can’t just strap it to your wrist and expect it to solve your tardiness problem. You have to look at it once in a while, especially if you have appointments to attend to. That doesn’t work? Then how about calling the person whose time you’re wasting as soon as you realize you’re running late, telling them you’re running late? Given sufficient notice, people may be able to adjust for your being late by re-adjusting their own schedule. There’s a device that you can keep in your pocket that can help you notify people of your lateness. It’s called a portable two-way speech transmitter contraption, or something like that…ah, no, it’s called a _cell phone_. Of course, you can’t just keep the device in your pocket and expect it to solve your problem. You have to make the call. Easy peasy. A sincere apology can help, too. And perhaps bring pie as a peace offering (raspberry pie a la mode for me, please). If you don’t have a valid reason (s) for being chronically late, or don’t have a psychological reason for your chronic lateness, then being chronically late for appointments is selfish and unacceptable in a functional society. If you do have a pathological reason for your chronic lateness, then there are workarounds (as noted above). For example, if I had chronic diaphoresis (excessive sweating), making me smell like a wet dog (no offense @wolfpup), I wouldn’t subject others to my\* offensive B.O., I’d use a strong anti-antiperspirant/deodorant before going out in public. Why? Because I have empathy and care about others. Being chronically late is no different. - [Note: Tibby does NOT have B.O. I smell like a rose. 😇] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631.md?page=41) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-always-late/942631.md?page=43)