# "Why are you stalking me, man?" or stories of children with obsessed parents. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 17, 2012, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955 "2012-10-17T01:40:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/81 "2012-10-18T19:15:21Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > It doesn’t matter - Israelis might very well be the biggest “child-worshipers” in the world. It’s something we’re quite proud of, actually. It was what we call a joke, son. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/82 "2012-10-18T19:36:08Z")
> [@grude](#): > > [http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10329](http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10329) > > For those that don’t believe me Texas will arrest and charge both underage parties, being within three years in age of each other is an affirmative defense at trial but you have still been arrested and charged. And they will do, they consider all underage sex de facto illegal. The USA is messed up! Yes, because the USA consists of Texas, and only Texas. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/83 "2012-10-18T20:13:33Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Tsk tsk. > > Screaming. Defying an adult. Being rebellious. > > You weren’t a child, you were a monster. Your caregivers tolerated this shocking and horrible behavior, probably subjecting you to the defilement of unconditional love and ruining you forever. > > Where was the discipline? Backtalk to an adult and no backhand to the face? > > Tsk. What is the world coming to when the opinions of a 4-year-old girl are worth something to anyone? The adult was defying her parents and her husband’s parents and all her relatives going back for centuries. The child was doing what was right. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/84 "2012-10-18T20:16:04Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > Yeah, my kids are ‘abused.’ Nifty. And they lie about their origins all the time. (That’s why all their friends know they are adopted.) > > They are totally going to be serial killers. > > You are seriously fucked up. You really should come visit our home sometime so you can see how my kids are. Insults are not allowed in this forum. Please everyone get back on track discussing this topic, including the OP. ZPGZealot, you asked for a discussion and you’re turning it into a fight with everyone who disagrees with you. Incidentally, this is practically everyone. This is notice to everyone to simmer down and discuss civilly. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/85 "2012-10-18T20:19:02Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > The adult was defying her parents and her husband’s parents and all her relatives going back for centuries. The child was doing what was right. Nope, sorry. The child was defiant and backtalked her elders. The child should have been severely disciplined. The child was probably too loved. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/86 "2012-10-18T22:56:02Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > The OP needs to do an “ask the Roma” thread… That’s like asking Fred Phelps to do an “ask the Christian” thread. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/87 "2012-10-18T23:37:46Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > The OP needs to do an “ask the Roma” thread… I would love to see an “ask the Roma” thread. From some other Roma. Any. Other. Roma. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/88 "2012-10-19T00:20:22Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > What happens to people - like your parents - who go against the elders, in your culture? They are gutted in their sleep by their own children. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/89 "2012-10-19T00:22:04Z")
Actually, screaming like that at your mother paints you as one of those “sociopaths” you claim that will result if a child is treated with love by his or her parents. (Yep. If a child is treated with love and affection, they’ll end up a sociopath) Seriously, if I had acted like that, not only my parents, but any one of my extended family would have smacked my mouth. > [@Telemark](#): > > Or women who shake hands are sluts, and men who shake women’s hands are rapists? And adopted children need to announce their adoptive status to everyone they come in contact with so they can be properly shunned? Or a man is allowed (practically commanded) to kill women who’ve gotten pregnant by him and refuse to have an abortion? > > There’s so much to choose from the poor Cliff Notes are going to read like a novel. Don’t forget that infanticide is a perfectly acceptable option if abortion is outlawed or unavailable. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/90 "2012-10-19T01:04:47Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > When I was very young I lived in terror that she would sell us to strangers through the adoption system. Is this where you got your ideas about how adopted parents treat their children? From your parents threatening you? Did it ever occur to you that your unfit parents may have been mistaken or (gasp!) not entirely honest with you about what adoption is like? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/91 "2012-10-19T01:35:21Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > More classic cult thinking. Insiders are family. Outsiders - even if they happen to be your children - are threats, and anything that threatens the Family must eliminated. You’re confusing cults with Roma. ZPG Zealot is latching on to convenient parts of Romani culture (whether she actually is Romani I don’t know, but that’s her story.) But this sort of weirdness is pretty consistent with classical Roma ways - it’s not actually the way most Roma are TODAY, since times have changed and people generally accomodate that no matter their ethnic background, but her story is consistent with a very traditional, old-school Roma mindset; - Living in extended family units - Extreme xenophobia - Obsession with ritual cleanliness - Absolute male dominance/ownership over females It’s not a religious cult - Roma have no particular religion - it’s an actual culture with millions of people in it. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/92 "2012-10-19T03:50:26Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > You know nothing about my family or culture. For most of human history people lived in extended families. It’s a much more stable and safe environment for children. My extended family and to a certain extent the rest of my people was what protected, cared, for and raised me and my siblings. If left in the care of our parents we would have either died or been dumped into the foster care system. So what happened to your parents growing up in that same extended family environment that led to them being so inadequate/so keen to escape it. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/93 "2012-10-19T04:37:23Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > They are definitely smelly and noisy. I don’t know about smelly, but Americans are most definitely noisy. Ye can pick a Yank tourist at 200m here. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/94 "2012-10-19T05:50:58Z")
In all seriousness for a bit, I find it **remarkable** that you (the OP) claim to have hated your parents from such an early age. Innumerable studies have been conducted over innumerable years, that even subject to the most _horrendous_ abuse, young children still tend to love their parents regardless. The bonds between parent and child are so strong that children seem to overlook all of their failings, never really questioning the quality of the parenting until later in their lives. Children might fear their parent/s abuses, they might live in dread of the next attack or episode of wanton neglect, but it’s the only life they’ve known. Young children (in my readings and experience) might _wish_ that life was a bit different, but they would not actually **hate** their parents for fear that the parents might disappear, and leave them in an even more vulnerable state. Now the descriptions above are what one would expect from ‘normal’ children, albeit children growing up in abysmally dysfunctional households. I would maintain that any **four year old** who is cognizant enough to not only claim to hate her parents, but to wish them perhaps lethal physical harm is not normal. Really not normal. Like ABnormal. Have your memories been tainted by wishes ZPG? Are you yourself suffering some sort of mental disorder that colours your view of the world so dismally? Or are you so full of bullshit that you’ve forgotten where the boundaries are anymore? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/95 "2012-10-19T12:54:47Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I don’t know about smelly, but Americans are most definitely noisy. Ye can pick a Yank tourist at 200m here. 🙂 Young americans are easier to spot by their overboard tattoos, full sleeve and leg coverings to the ankle. Older Brit and Aussie men seem to be issued knee length white socks to wear with sandals and mouuse to slick back their hair as they board the plane. Older Germans are just…slovenly looking. I mean damn too tight sweat clothes are not attractive guys. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/96 "2012-10-19T12:56:45Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I would maintain that any **four year old** who is cognizant enough to not only claim to hate her parents, but to wish them perhaps lethal physical harm is not normal. Really not normal. Like ABnormal. Psss I’ve heard a toddler formulate a rather realistic plan to kill her mom and her mom’s BF(steal gun, shoot em’). ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/97 "2012-10-19T14:44:20Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > You’re confusing cults with Roma. There’s an old saw that comes to mind, by extension…“a ‘language’ is a ‘dialect’ with an army and navy.” Dawkins’ meme theory also comes to mind—as it’d be inclined to do. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/98 "2012-10-19T15:49:34Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > The OP needs to do an “ask the Roma” thread… There was an “ask the Rom” thread a while back, I believe the posters name was **Kal**. Very informative, well balanced, and not either “factually incorrect” or tinged by mental instability. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/99 "2012-10-19T15:53:21Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Now the descriptions above are what one would expect from ‘normal’ children, albeit children growing up in abysmally dysfunctional households. I would maintain that any **four year old** who is cognizant enough to not only claim to hate her parents, but to wish them perhaps lethal physical harm is not normal. Really not normal. Like ABnormal. The word you’re looking for is “sociopath”. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955/100 "2012-10-19T17:44:06Z")
It sounds to me like ZPGZ’s parents wanted to raise their children away from the poisoning influences of the extended controlling family, and all they got for their efforts was grief. For ZPGZ to feel the way she claims she did at that early age sounds like years of scare tactics and brainwashing by the extended controlling family. The extended controlling family (ECF) probably expended a great deal of effort brainwashing the children that the parents were unfit, and that in order to survive the children must be saved by the ECF. Because, of course, no parents alone are capable of raising children by themselves, according to them. ZPGZ has never once stated what the parents did that was wrong, simply that they weren’t able to properly provided for the children. I question whether she was old enough or discerning enough to judge whether that was even true; that’s just what the ECF pounded into her head. If the parents actually weren’t capable of providing enough, due to lack of resources, that doesn’t mean the ECF has to take over the raising of the children; they could simply provide assistance. It all just sounds like a very long line of self-perpetuating untruths passed down over generations to keep people in line. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-are-you-stalking-me-man-or-stories-of-children-with-obsessed-parents/637955.md?page=6)