# Why can't children consent to having sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 21, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300 "2011-06-21T16:21:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/21 "2011-06-22T01:52:28Z")
> [@md2000](#): > > Listen to all the songs on the radio; they aren’t about having sex (except maybe rap) they are about the joy of loving and the pain of losing love. Sex messes with your mind, big time. Many adults are not ready to deal with the emotional ups and downs of relationships. Tell it to [Oingo Boingo](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/o/oingo+boingo/little+girls_20102778.html) “Uh oh take a second take Uh oh it’s a mistake Uh oh I’m in trouble Uh oh the little girl was just to little Too little, too little, too little Isn’t this what life’s all about Isn’t this a dream come true Isn’t this a nightmare too…” ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/22 "2011-06-22T03:35:29Z")
Children can consent to having sex, under certain circumstances. If both parties are underage, then in most jurisdictions statutory sex offenses no longer apply and consent becomes an issue again. They just can’t consent to having sex with _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/23 "2011-06-22T04:03:04Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Children can consent to having sex, under certain circumstances. If both parties are underage, then in most jurisdictions statutory sex offenses no longer apply and consent becomes an issue again. Most? I thought that “Romeo and Juliet” exemption was still the exception? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/24 "2011-06-22T04:23:56Z")
Depends on the state, but typically underage kids don’t get charged with sex crimes unless their partners are way underage (like \<12). ETA: I see what you’re saying now, and yes. The point is that consent becomes an issue again; it won’t be a statutory offense. ---
**Author:** ![RuddyMole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RuddyMole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RuddyMole)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/25 "2011-06-22T06:26:40Z")
Thanks for the varied responses, everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/26 "2011-06-22T19:02:50Z")
> [@md2000](#): > > Much as some would like to think different, sex and emotion/attachment/love are tightly bound up in each other through a million years of evolution. > > Listen to all the songs on the radio; they aren’t about having sex (except maybe rap) they are about the joy of loving and the pain of losing love. You just haven’t found the right radio stations yet. 😉 \*What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you What I’ve got you’ve got to get it put it in you Reeling with the feeling don’t stop continue \* - Red Hot Chili Peppers - You’ve been coolin’, baby, I’ve been droolin’, All the good times I’ve been misusin’, Way, way down inside, I’m gonna give you my love, I’m gonna give you every inch of my love, Gonna give you my love. \* or \*Squeeze me baby, till the juice runs down my leg. The way you squeeze my lemon, I’m gonna fall right out of bed. \* - Led Zeppelin \*Love in an elevator Lovin’ it up when I’m goin’ down Love in an elevator Livin’ it up ‘til I hit the ground \* -Aerosmith \* She was a fast machine She kept her motor clean She was the best damn woman I had ever seen She had the sightless eyes Telling me no lies Knockin’ me out with those American thighs Taking more than her share Had me fighting for air She told me to come but I was already there 'Cause the walls start shaking The earth was quaking My mind was aching And we were making it and you - Shook me all night long \* -AC/DC Or the best one yet: - You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself I want to fuck you like an animal I want to feel you from the inside I want to fuck you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to god \* -Nine Inch Nails (They edit the f-bombs on the radio, but it was a BIG hit when I was in high school) ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/27 "2011-06-22T22:35:07Z")
Preventing children from consenting to sex would _prevent the likes of me_\*\* as my Grandmother was 14 years old when she gave birth to my father. \*\* My late mother in law would have preferred that I were never born. ---
**Author:** ![New\_Deal\_Democrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9d8465/32.png) [@New\_Deal\_Democrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Deal_Democrat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/28 "2011-06-23T12:09:08Z")
The Roman Catholic priestly pedophile scandal has demonstrated that a minor can suffer long term emotional damage from a sexual relationship with an adult. Many of these events lasted for months, perhaps over a year. The pedophile probably thought that it was consensual, that the minor enjoyed it, and so on. Few men like to think of themselves as sexual abusers. The preferred self image is that one is a desirable seducer who spends his time giving pleasure and happiness. The reality is often very different. The Roman Catholic priestly pedophile scandal demonstrates that minors do need to be protected from adult predators. I am not only talking about children, but teenagers as well. These should receive some protection from each other also. It should always be easy to say, “No,” to sex. I do not want to seem to be picking on the Roman Catholic Church. Most men who are guilty of this kind of behavior are not Roman Catholic priests. Nevertheless, the priestly pedophile scandal has brought this problem to public attention. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/29 "2011-06-23T14:25:35Z")
Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/30 "2011-06-23T22:36:08Z")
> [@New\_Deal\_Democrat](#): > > The Roman Catholic priestly pedophile scandal has demonstrated that a minor can suffer long term emotional damage from a sexual relationship with an adult. Many of these events lasted for months, perhaps over a year. The pedophile probably thought that it was consensual, that the minor enjoyed it, and so on. > > Few men like to think of themselves as sexual abusers. The preferred self image is that one is a desirable seducer who spends his time giving pleasure and happiness. The reality is often very different. > > The Roman Catholic priestly pedophile scandal demonstrates that minors do need to be protected from adult predators. I am not only talking about children, but teenagers as well. **These should receive some protection from each other also**. It should always be easy to say, “No,” to sex. > > I do not want to seem to be picking on the Roman Catholic Church. Most men who are guilty of this kind of behavior are not Roman Catholic priests. Nevertheless, the priestly pedophile scandal has brought this problem to public attention. In regards to the sentence I bolded: What protections do you envision teenagers needing from one another? That is, do you think it should be illegal – and said illegality enforced by prosecution – for two 16-year-olds to have sex if both consent? If so, which party will you prosecute? What if it’s a gay or lesbian couple? Assuming you think consensual relations between teens should be prosecuted: when I was in 7th grade or so, I had sex with a girl, “Amanda,” who was in 9th. Should she have been prosecuted if our parents had discovered it? ---
**Author:** ![toz76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@toz76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toz76)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/31 "2015-01-04T18:24:32Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > This is true, but it’s not the point. It’s not about taking responsibility; it’s about what they can handle and cannot handle, and about how easy it is to exploit them. Sexual experiences can be devastating and confusing even for adults. Children are foolish, credulous, and weak, and thus far more vulnerable to exploitation and abuse. As an actual adolescent, I believe this law is misguided and outdated. Children may be “foolish, credulous, and weak” (and I’ve only ever met credulous ones) but adolescents are quite intelligent. Adolescents can make their own choices, and should. Besides, the one way to get a under-16 to do something every single time is to tell them not to, so when you tell children _not_ to have sex, they will. When you tell them to use protection, they won’t. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/32 "2015-01-04T18:29:36Z")
If adolescents can’t understand that they shouldn’t bump old threads for no significant reason, it’s pretty clear that they can’t understand the implications of having sex. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/33 "2015-01-04T19:33:32Z")
> [@toz76](#): > > As an actual adolescent, I believe this law is misguided and outdated. Children may be “foolish, credulous, and weak” (and I’ve only ever met credulous ones) but adolescents are quite intelligent. Adolescents can make their own choices, and should. Besides, the one way to get a under-16 to do something every single time is to tell them not to, so when you tell children _not_ to have sex, they will. When you tell them to use protection, they won’t. May I ask how old you are? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/34 "2015-01-04T19:42:52Z")
Children cannot enter into contracts or consent to surgery without the permission of their parents. The law makes the decision that they do not understand or have the responsibility for the consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/35 "2015-01-04T19:48:01Z")
> [@toz76](#): > > …adolescents are quite intelligent… > [@](#): > > …Adolescents can make their own choices… > [@](#): > > …Besides, the one way to get a under-16 to do something every single time is to tell them not to… Yeah, because those three statements fit together properly. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/36 "2015-01-04T19:57:55Z")
> [@toz76](#): > > As an actual adolescent, I believe this law is misguided and outdated. Children may be “foolish, credulous, and weak” (and I’ve only ever met credulous ones) but adolescents are quite intelligent. Adolescents can make their own choices, and should. Besides, the one way to get a under-16 to do something every single time is to tell them not to, so when you tell children _not_ to have sex, they will. When you tell them to use protection, they won’t. Welcome to the Dope, fellow teenager! We’re pretty rare around here. Although I agree most adults underestimate teenagers’ capabilities greatly, when you say “adolescents are quite intelligent,” I have to ask . . . have you ever actually _been_ to high school? Seriously, it’s not a bastion of well-informed decision making. Still, “foolish, credulous, and weak” is a tad harsh. Romeo and Juliet laws and the like are on the right track - as long as both participants are of similar ages, I don’t see the issue beyond a prudish society who wants to keep children “pure”. But once you get into adults and children, it gets messier. The problem with these cases is that it’s hard to make laws that are always fair. If you say that any adult having sex with any child is a crime, then what about the 17 and 18 year old who were born 5 months apart? It needs to be decided on a case-by-case basis rather than having arbitrary ages of consent stuck into laws. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/37 "2015-01-04T20:12:52Z")
> [@toz76](#): > > As an actual adolescent, I believe this law is misguided and outdated. Children may be “foolish, credulous, and weak” (and I’ve only ever met credulous ones) but adolescents are quite intelligent. Adolescents can make their own choices, and should. Besides, the one way to get a under-16 to do something every single time is to tell them not to, so when you tell children _not_ to have sex, they will. When you tell them to use protection, they won’t. It may be true that adolescents will childishly do the opposite of what you tell them to do - but that doesn’t support your assertion that adolescents are intelligent and should make their own choices. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/38 "2015-01-04T22:03:37Z")
Who says that children can’t consent to sex? Laws regarding sex and age vary from place to place. Here in NJ: > [@](#): > > State law specifies (by not saying anything) that minors between 13 and 15 years old may, in general, engage in a consensual sexual relationship with someone up to four years older. Therefore, for example, it is legal for a 14-year-old male or female to engage in consensual sex with a person up to 18 years of age. > **[Age of consent in North America](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America)** > > In North America, the legal age of consent relating to sexual activity outside of marriage varies by jurisdiction. > The age of consent in Canada is 16. > As of August 2018, each U.S. state has set its age of consent at age 16, age 17, or age 18, most with some exceptions. In the case of the state of Washington, the age of consent rises to 21 for the specific instance student-teacher sex (the age of consent in the state of Washington is otherwise 16). In a number of U.S. states, the age of co... It’s just a Wikipedia cite, but I recall that being accurate. I don’t think there are any laws that say, for instance, that two ten year olds can’t have sex, in essence meaning that they can consent within an age range. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/39 "2015-01-04T22:25:03Z")
I commented in this years ago, but have a new take to add to it. A parent or other guardian is responsible for making or approving decisions for that child. However when it comes to sex only the person him/herself can consent and that decision can not be made by another person for them. So for a child to consent to sex they would have to do that on their own, but that can not happen as their decisions are made by another person. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300/40 "2015-01-04T23:00:06Z")
> [@toz76](#): > > … the one way to get a under-16 to do something every single time is to tell them not to, so when you tell children _not_ to have sex, they will. When you tell them to use protection, they won’t. Best answer in the thread - you can’t trust them to make even remotely sensible decisions. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-children-consent-to-having-sex/586300.md?page=3)