# WHY Can't Computer People Speak Simple ENGLISH?! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906 "2003-08-13T14:02:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/21 "2003-08-13T16:40:57Z")
Well, to be serious for a moment. … My experience tells me that most computer users simply have no idea of how complicated their hardware and software is. Not a clue. They think things just happen because it’s “natural”. Computers are not “natural”. Users don’t appreciate that things happen because someone has broken down the “natural” expectations of the user into minute steps, analysised exactly what’s happening and then reproduced it. It doesn’t just happen that way, someone **made** it happen that way. I sometimes get users showing me a nice little trick they’ve discovered in the software. _“Look what I’ve found. Isn’t that clever? Did you know that’s what happens?”_ Well duh!? Who did you think **made** it happen that way??? So all these words computer people use are actually shorthand for very involved and very complicated processes or concepts. If we didn’t have words that encompassed them into neat packages our job would be 100 times harder. If I was to give you a complete ENGLISH explanation of svchost.exe it would run to an entire book and you still wouldn’t be interested. ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/22 "2003-08-13T16:42:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wolfman \* > \*\ ***Rebuttal from a Geek** > > Why oh why can’t people learn > the basics of computers, we yearn. > You turn it on and hope it works, > never caring what inside lurks. > You spent a couple thou on your machine > carring mostly whether it was blue or green. > > Why do so many just try to act dingy, > its a 40 pin cable, not a ribbon-thingy. > When we talk with passion about our chip, > You roll your eyes like we’re a drip. > Never listening to a damn thing we say, > We talk about patches and you just walk away. > > But then one day the shit hits the fan, > You recieve a worm over from the company LAN. > we try to tell you which .sys to fix, > but all you want is to just flick a switch. > It’s called what it’s called, we can’t change the name, > The system can’t find it if it’s not called the same. > It’s not our problem your vocab is weak, > maybe you should learn a little bit of ‘geek’ > > [sub] Just being a smartass, not meant to be serious 😉 [/sub] \*\* You sir have outdone yourself! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/23 "2003-08-13T16:47:32Z")
Okay. I have a simple trick that _might_ work for you. It’s pretty simple. When the virus kicks in, it tells your computer to restart in sixty seconds from NOW. Therefore, as soon as you log on, go down to the clock… you see it, in the lower right corner? Double click on it. A clock and calendar will pop up. Click on the digital time readout under the clock. Let’s say it says 10:52:11 AM. Change the leftmost number, the 10, to one hour earlier. Then click OK. Wait two minutes to see if it works. If it works, do it again, but this time, set it back two more hours. This will give you about three hours to fix the computer. Do you understand this operation as I have explained it to you? It’s the simplest way to defang it that I can think of… there are other, more complicated ways. We can try them if this doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/24 "2003-08-13T16:50:31Z")
Actually, VAXes used to attempt to speak English. Why would I want to “Rename” a file when I can “mv” it? Drove me nuts. (I actually aliased Rename to mv, back in the day. Yes, I’m hopeless.) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/25 "2003-08-13T17:02:47Z")
Oooh, I _liiiike_ that idea, **E-Sabbath** : trick the evil computer! I will have to wear my Emma Peel leathers when I do this, and make sure the appropriately tense background music is on. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/26 "2003-08-13T17:03:30Z")
**Eve** , dare I suggest a Macintosh? I supported our software for years on the Mac and hardly ever had to resort to geek-speak. We finally offered it on the Windows platform and I clearly recall a the first call I got. Someone said they had something or other “remmed out in autoexec.bat.” I passed the call along to the developer, got myself a cup of coffee and wept. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/27 "2003-08-13T17:05:03Z")
. . . although I have the horrible feeling that when I get home tonight, my computer will be waiting for me behind the door with a knife, like that Zuni devil doll in _Trilogy of Terror_ . . . ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/28 "2003-08-13T17:08:11Z")
A side note: I knew this was going to happen. This is why I suggested in the Eve Gets A Computer Thread that I come down and set it up right for her. I have _no_ problem spending an hour or two for any Doper doing a cleanup of their computer if I have the time and they’re in the NY area. (More complicated work would cost… but that’s beside the point.) I think of it as the equivalent of keeping our highways beautiful. Ladies and Gentlemen: A: Buy an appropriate Antivirus suite. Update weekly. I suggest Symantec/Norton. B: Download Spybot Search and Destroy. > **[Home - Spybot Anti-Malware and Antivirus](https://www.safer-networking.org/)** > > Spybot offers a unique technology for your security. Far beyond antivirus Spybot searches and destroys unwanted software and protects your privacy. Spybot gets rid of spyware. Like Gator and Alexa and Xupter and Bonzi Buddy. Evil stuff that slows you down. More MSBLAST information: [http://www.rediff.com/netguide/2003/aug/13msblast.htm](http://www.rediff.com/netguide/2003/aug/13msblast.htm) [http://insight.zdnet.co.uk/software/0,39020463,39115651,00.htm](http://insight.zdnet.co.uk/software/0,39020463,39115651,00.htm) [http://vil.nai.com/vil/content/v\_100547.htm](http://vil.nai.com/vil/content/v_100547.htm) [http://insight.zdnet.co.uk/software/0,39020463,39115651,00.htm](http://insight.zdnet.co.uk/software/0,39020463,39115651,00.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/29 "2003-08-13T17:08:18Z")
I _wanted_ to buy a MacInotsh—_none_ of the stores I went to carried 'em, so I wound up with a Toshiba laptop. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/30 "2003-08-13T17:17:33Z")
Just remember, there’s more than one way to do it. I’m assuming you’re running Windows XP? The green and blue everywhere candy-colored look? If the clock trick doesn’t work, there’s another way. It’s also simple. Click on START. The button to the bottom left of the screen? Click on RUN, which should be the second or third button from the bottom of the list that pops up when you choose START. Type in exactly the following words; shutdown -a Press enter. That should stop the shutdown. It _may_ be shutdown /a but I think the first is more correct. Oh… and we can get rid of the green and blue candy colored bulging look if you want. Entirely up to you. Print this thread out BEFORE you leave work, so you have it to refer to at home. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/31 "2003-08-13T17:23:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by E-Sabbath \* > \*\*Print this thread out BEFORE you leave work, so you have it to refer to at home. \*\* Thanks, darling, I will . . . Oh, the friend who helped me set it up in the first place also helped make my screen a discreet aqua-blue. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/32 "2003-08-13T17:36:22Z")
Because entity relationship modelling indicates the principle use cases for the computer professional extend relationships with operating systems and/or other computer professionals preferentially to end users. So the end-user compatible interface is deprecated as a communications protocol in favour of specialized data exchange terminology with a higher information density, therefore optimizing for bandwidth resourcing issues. If that doesn’t help, I have a UML diagram somewhere which explains it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/33 "2003-08-13T17:42:17Z")
Imagining Eve in a variety of situations: – Car Repairs – Mechanic: “You need a new carburator.” Eve: “Carburator?! What’s that? Speak ENGLIGH!” – Tax Preparation – Accountant: “You’re missing a 1099 form.” Eve: “1099 form!? What’s that? Speak ENGLISH!” – Annual Physical – Doctor: “Have you ever had a biopsy?” Eve: “A biopsy? What’s that? Speak ENGLIGH!” Complicated systems like cars, tax codes, human bodies (and computers) are composed of a great many different parts. Specialists need names for these parts and for the procedures that they can perform on them. In most cases there is no English equivalent. If you don’t know the names, of course it sounds like gibberish. ---
**Author:** ![zztzed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eb9ed0/32.png) [@zztzed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zztzed)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/34 "2003-08-13T18:24:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*Be very, very glad that we don’t speak in C, 80x86 assembly, or worse, binary. \*\* 01001000 01100101 01101000 00101110 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/35 "2003-08-13T18:24:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pochacco \* > \*\*If you don’t know the names, of course it sounds like gibberish. \*\* “Gibberish!? What’s that? Speak ENGLISH!” ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/36 "2003-08-13T18:27:55Z")
What’s really fun is when a person (like myself) constantly switches back and forth between speaking geek and speaking non-geek. My friends snicker when they hear me say things like “My interweb is broken. I powercycled the cable modem but the routermajig isn’t receiving an IP.” That’s right, folks, a person as geeky as myself, a person who is studying for A+ certification (“The Associate’s Degree of tech certifications”), gleefully uses the word “interweb.” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/37 "2003-08-13T18:51:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Finagle \* > \*\*[This is what computer geeks think about when you mention Eliza.](http://www.manifestation.com/neurotoys/eliza.php3) \*\* I had a first generation Sound Blaster, the one that came with Dr. Sbaitso. I liked giving the doc parity errors but who didn’t? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/38 "2003-08-13T19:18:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by koeeoaddi \* > I supported our software for years on the Mac and hardly ever had to resort to geek-speak. You never suggested they rebuild the Desktop? Wipe Inits and Prefs? Zap the P-RAM? 🙂 As for this OP, as a Developer all I have to say is [sub]**##GetStr$–WITTY REJOINDER NOT FOUND–##[/sub]** ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/39 "2003-08-13T19:20:56Z")
**Jeff Olsen** , I thought I was the only one who experienced Dr. Sbaitso. I now know what it feels like when doves cry. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/40 "2003-08-13T19:39:23Z")
**Pochacco** , that’s not quite fair. Most of those professions have developed layman-understandable explanations for their jargon. A mechanic could reply “A carburator mixes air with gasoline so the gasoline can burn. Things can’t burn without air” An accountant could reply “Part of your income comes from interest the banks pay you on your account. The 1099 is a form which helps the IRS identify which portion of your earnings is from interest.” A doctor could say “A biopsy is when a doctor takes a very small sample of [whatever] and tests it to see if there is anything unusual about it. Biopsies are often done to test for cancer, for example.” I’m a tech guy, and I’m pretty well known as being able to translate technical info into layman’s terms, but the best I can do for SVCHOST.exe off the top of my head is “It’s like a bookmark. It holds some resources open for other programs to use so they can start faster and not go through the pain of finding resources of their own.” That isn’t terribly helpful because a book doesn’t crash if the bookmark slips out of place, so even that analogy fails. The Tech field is relatively very young and specific things like SVCHOST.exe are even younger. It will get easier as time goes by. Not much help for you right now though. Enjoy, Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906.md?page=3)