# WHY Can't Computer People Speak Simple ENGLISH?! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906 "2003-08-13T14:02:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/101 "2003-08-15T17:14:25Z")
I’ve got the Utah teapot tattooed on my right shoulder. Am I geeky enough … ? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/102 "2003-08-15T17:41:43Z")
My geekish brothers and sisters, explaining the problem to users is easy. “It broke. Go get a cup of coffee,” for the easy stuff and “It be broke. Ask your boss if there’s something else you can do,” for the harder stuff. Either way they’re out of your hair for an appropriate length of time and the latter one teaches them they will want to learn something about their machines so they don’t have to spend another afternoon polishing their boss’s golf trophies. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/103 "2003-08-15T17:57:52Z")
The statement I have to make most often: ‘I know you think it’s very important that I fix it right now, but Counterstrike falls behind making money on the boss’s list of priorities.’ ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/104 "2003-08-15T18:50:17Z")
Nope, **catsix** , I haven’t done my geek code yet. Heck, I didn’t even know one existed until you mentioned it. (Does this lower my geekiness because I didn’t know it existed?) But google set me straight. (Does this raise my geekiness because I actually googoled to find out what a geek code was with the intention to maybe get myself one and to find out why I had never heard of it?) ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/105 "2003-08-15T19:02:50Z")
I do believe it does increase your GQ (Geek Quotient). My geek code: ----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- Version: 3.1 GE/CS d+@ s+:+ !a C++++ US+++\> P+++>++++> L+ E---- W+++ N+++ o+ K w++++ !O M-- V-- PS+ PE++ Y++ PGP++ t-- 5 X- R tv++ b++++ DI+++ D+ G+ e++$ h++ r+ z++\*\* ------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------ ---
**Author:** ![mtrahey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mtrahey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtrahey)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/106 "2003-08-15T22:18:15Z")
Eve, this really will have nothing to do with the problem you are having so feel free to ignore it. catsix and everyone else. I’m sorry about this. The better part of me keeps screaming that it’s not important and I should just let it slide. Unfortunately, the most that part of me seems able to accomplish is temporary control of the fingers to type this apology. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*Next week, **Jeff** , we’ll play ‘Fun with ipconfig /all’. 🙂 > Ethernet adapter Local Area Connection: > > ``` > Connection-specific DNS Suffix . : > IP Address. . . . . . . . . . . . : 192.168.1.70 > Subnet Mask . . . . . . . . . . . : 255.255.255.0 > Default Gateway . . . . . . . . . : 192.168.1.254 > > ``` > > The Subnet Mask indicates which class of IP address you fall into. 255.255.255.0 indicates a Class C. Can tell that I’m on private IP space (that is the IP address of my individual machine isn’t accessible to the rest of the Internet) because it starts with 192. > \*\* The IP address classes are A through E. IP addresses have 4 octets (8-bits expressed as a decimal value between 0 and 255). When displayed in this format, the octets are delimited (separated) by a dot. To determine the class of your address, you only need to look at the first octet. For Class A address, the first octet has a value between 1 and 126 inclusive (0 and 127 are reserved). For Class B between 128 and 191 inclusive. For Class C addresses 192 and 223 inclusive. For Class D between 224 and 247 inclusive. For Class E between 248 and 255 inclusive. Only classes A through C are used for machine addresses. Class D is used for multicast groups and Class E are reserved for experimental use. In each of the classes used for machine addresses, there is a block set aside for private networks. These are used by companies, schools and individuals for networks that will not be visible (on the whole) to the public network or Internet. These blocks are… For Class A 10.0.0.0 through 10.255.255.255 For Class B 172.16.0.0 through 172.16.255.255 For Class C 192.168.0.0 throug 192.168.255.255 So catsix can tell that the IP address assigned is a Class C because it has 192 in the first octet. Catsix can also tell that the IP address is a private address because the first 2 octets are 192.168. There are a large number of addresses that start with 192 yet do not fall into the private range. 16711678 unless I’ve miscalculated. Which is all together too likely on a post like this. We now return you to your regular thread now in progress. Mike ---
**Author:** ![teleute12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@teleute12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teleute12)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/107 "2003-08-15T23:04:47Z")
OK, what’s Eliza and why does it have to have my name? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/108 "2003-08-15T23:13:16Z")
Eliza is an early experiment in… let’s call it social AI. It talks to you not unlike a Freudian psychologist. For example if you told it, “I feel upset.”, it would ask you, “Why do you think you feel upset?” It’s a quite clever set of rules for examining sentences and appearing to reply coherently. It’ll even store phrases for several replies and ask about it later. I rather suspect Eve’s Eliza, though, is from My Fair Lady, an update of Pygmalion, in which Henry Higgins teaches a woman of low breeding how to behave in high society. Oooh, a Utah Teapot? That’s hardcore. Mmm. Early 3D modeling. I’ve got a framed 8 inch floppy with CP/M 1.0 on it… Verily, I am all sorts of geek. Eve? Got power? ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/109 "2003-08-15T23:21:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DoubleJ \* > \*\*Particularly nasty because the clutch is on the left in every car I’ve ever seen 🙂 \*\* Well shit, see, this is why I believe in leaving stuff to the experts! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/110 "2003-08-16T00:30:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hoopy Frood \* > \*\*Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary, > Over many a strange and spurious website of ‘hot chicks galore’, > While I clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, > And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour. > “'Tis not possible!” I muttered, “Give me back my cheap hardcore!” > Quoth the server, “404”. \*\* snortBWAAAAA HAAA HAA HAAAAA haa haa ha ha ha heh heh! genius! Hoopy Frood, is that yours? D’ya mind if I give a copy to our office Poe afficionado? ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/111 "2003-08-16T00:35:17Z")
And by the way, **catsix** , I figgered you were a cat geek, the kind that enjoys hairball humor (or, in this case, multiple-hairballs humor). (Serial hairball humor?) That it’s really cable is cooler. (Serial-port hairball humor?) Stop me now. ---
**Author:** ![NullC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@NullC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NullC)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/112 "2003-08-16T01:08:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sturmhauke \* > \*\*0x4865682E > 😛 \*\* I don’t know whats worse, that you translated the binary ‘Heh.’ into hex, or… that when I read your post my first thought was ‘why did he post the same thing?’ 🙂 I’m not an ultra geek tho, although I decoded the binary without thinking on it, I had to alt-numpad out the int values to get the ascii. 🙂 I probably could have guessed it from the hex tho, something to remember next time I need to read my email from a blinking LED: ‘Convert to hex not int, to guess at ascii’ ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/113 "2003-08-16T01:58:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by if6was9 \* > \*\ ***WHY Can’t Computer People Speak Simple ENGLISH?!** > > They ARE speaking fucking English (you know-nothing loser!) > > OOO! These computers are too complicated for me! :rolleyes: > > GROW UP! \*\* In case you haven’t noticed, computers are pretty fucking complicated. There’s no reason to be an asshole to someone who doesn’t know about this stuff. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/114 "2003-08-16T02:34:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mtrahey \* > **Eve, this really will have nothing to do with the problem you are having so feel free to ignore it.** Your first post and it made me go crosseyed! Not difficult since my computer glasses are at work and I haven’t been all week, but still… Welcome aboard! Most folks whose first posts are in the Pit are a little more sociopathic than you seem. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/115 "2003-08-16T02:36:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*Oooh, I _liiiike_ that idea, **E-Sabbath** : trick the evil computer! I will have to wear my Emma Peel leathers when I do this, and make sure the appropriately tense background music is on. \*\* We couldn’t afford the London Philharmonica. How about Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass? ---
**Author:** ![Orkendark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/76d3ee/32.png) [@Orkendark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orkendark)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/116 "2003-08-16T04:55:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*The statement I have to make most often: > > ‘I know you think it’s very important that I fix it right now, but Counterstrike falls behind making money on the boss’s list of priorities.’ \*\* On the flipside, a few months ago I got my boss hooked on Counterstrike. Since then, several times he’s demanded I stop what I’m doing (which is generally playing CS) and install it on a new user’s computer, so that they can join in our daily ‘almost quittin time’ LAN game that will sometimes last until midnight or so. Needless to say, productivity is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up lately. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/117 "2003-08-16T05:44:48Z")
Just don’t get your boss addicted to EverQuest or he might forget to do things like sleep, eat, shower, and leave his chair to take a leak. BAD. ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/118 "2003-08-16T06:45:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\ ***Professor Eve:** > Hear them down at RPI, > Dropping words that make you cry. > Speaking English anyway they like. > > _Why_ can’t computers teach the techies how to speak? > My whole vocabulary now, > Is rendered quite antique. > If I spoke like Bill Gates, sir, > Instead of the way I do, > Why, I might be weaving baskets, too! > Hear an IT geek, or worse, > Hear a Virex doc converse, > I’d rather hear a choir singing flat. > Chickens cackling in a barn > Just like this one! > > **Eliza:** > SVCHOST.exe > > **Eve:** > I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that? > It’s “exe” and “firewall” that keep her in her place. > Not her sloppy clothes and dirty face. > > _Why_ can’t computers teach the techies how to _speak?_ > Norwegians talk Norwegian; the Greeks have stuck with Greek. > In France every Frenchman knows his language “A” to “Zed” > (The French never care what they say, actually, as long as they can download porn.) > Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning. > And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening. > But not know your Windows? You’re regarded as a freak! > _Why_ can’t computers teach the techies how to _speak?!_ \*\* I’m not quite sure everyone else recognizes the reference, but all I have to say is Bravo, Eve! And never forget: the rain in spain stays mainly in the OS. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/119 "2003-08-16T23:34:27Z")
Quoth the raven, 0x6e 0x65 0x76 0x65 0x72 0x6d 0x6f 0x72 0x65 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Raven\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@The\_Raven\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Raven_1)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/120 "2003-08-17T01:37:13Z")
Howyadoin, Poe couldn’t speak simple English, either… “The Legend of Poe the Cryptographer:” [http://www.nadn.navy.mil/EnglishDept/poeperplex/cryptop.htm](http://www.nadn.navy.mil/EnglishDept/poeperplex/cryptop.htm) also… “The Edgar Allan Poe Cryptographic Challenge” [http://www.bokler.com/eapoe.html](http://www.bokler.com/eapoe.html) -Rav [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906.md?page=7)