# WHY Can't Computer People Speak Simple ENGLISH?! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906 "2003-08-13T14:02:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/121 "2003-08-18T02:58:42Z")
Took a computer to solve it, too. You might want to read the second link. It’s interesting! Eve? How we doing? ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/122 "2003-08-18T11:20:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by emilyforce \* > \*\*snortBWAAAAA HAAA HAA HAAAAA haa haa ha ha ha heh heh! > > genius! > > Hoopy Frood, is that yours? D’ya mind if I give a copy to our office Poe afficionado? \*\* Not mine. It is the 404 page at [plinko.net](http://plinko.net): [http://www.plinko.net/nevermore.asp](http://www.plinko.net/nevermore.asp) I have seen the rhyme in other places, but whether they took it from plinko, or plinko took it from one of them is unclear, since it’s not attributed to anyone in particular. ---
**Author:** ![mtrahey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mtrahey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtrahey)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/123 "2003-08-18T18:32:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > \*\*Your first post and it made me go crosseyed! Not difficult since my computer glasses are at work and I haven’t been all week, but still… > > Welcome aboard! Most folks whose first posts are in the Pit are a little more sociopathic than you seem. 🙂 \*\* Right, this IS the Pit. So I should have… A) Told Eve that anyone who wants to buy a computer should be required by law to take a simple test where they are asked to count non-canonically to 31 on one hand. Any one how can not pass this test will be loaded into trucks and taken to Hamburger-U. With years of study and hard work the best and brightest of them may reach a point where they could be trusted to understand the meaning of such complicated instructions as “hold the pickle” and “I’d like onions on that” and thus become useful members of society. 1. Suggested that Catsix might actually be a chimpanzee. Threaten to find him and do bad things to his dog and Grandmother if he can’t get his basic facts about a simple protocol like IP. It was my first day. I’ll try to do better in the future. 😃 Thanks for taking the time to say Hi, Dropzone. Hmm, my spell checker has non-canonically in the dictionary. Not sure how I feel about that. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/124 "2003-08-18T19:19:16Z")
Excuse me, but: I’m female, I’m a computer engineer, a sys admin and a professor of subjects that include network protocols such as the TCP/IP suite. I made the mistake of mistyping the private space 192.168 as 192, which doesn’t mean that I don’t understand IP or addressing, but that I made an error in typing. I also don’t have a dog. If you would like to continue to say that I don’t know my network protocols, please sit in on either my Network Technologies, Advanced Network Technologies or Network Design courses. When I don’t have to condense information to fit a web forum post, I get into far far more technical detail. -Cat 6 P.S. How many usable IPs will I get if I am using a /26 subnet mask? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/125 "2003-08-18T19:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by E-Sabbath \* > \*\*Eve? How we doing? \*\* I’ve had so much other tsouris these past few days, I haven’t had time to think about it! I spend a half-hour on the phone with Comcast this weekend and it couldn’t be fixed—it seems the CD I used to kill the virus also killed my “driver” (I assume it dragged the driver out of the cab and beat it to death with a fire extinguisher). So I have to take a day off from work tomorrow and stay home and wait for the computer-repair guy . . . ---
**Author:** ![mtrahey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mtrahey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtrahey)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/126 "2003-08-18T19:58:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*Excuse me, but: > > I’m female, I’m a computer engineer, a sys admin and a professor of subjects that include network protocols such as the TCP/IP suite. > > I made the mistake of mistyping the private space 192.168 as 192, which doesn’t mean that I don’t understand IP or addressing, but that I made an error in typing. > > I also don’t have a dog. > > If you would like to continue to say that I don’t know my network protocols, please sit in on either my Network Technologies, Advanced Network Technologies or Network Design courses. When I don’t have to condense information to fit a web forum post, I get into far far more technical detail. > > -Cat 6 > > P.S. How many usable IPs will I get if I am using a /26 subnet mask? \*\* Sigh, My last post really was meant as a joke in response to Dropzone’s suggestion that most people who post to the pit for their first post tend to be sociopathic, or at least more sociopathic then I seemed. I thought it was funny. Sorry if you didn’t. As to your gender. I was playing the numbers. -Trahey P.S 2^6-2 per subnet. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/127 "2003-08-18T20:11:27Z")
Having spent a fair portion of my time being told to basically get out of the sandbox, little girl, and let the boys handle it, I am a little less receptive to jokes about my ability to understand such complexities in computers as IP addresses and subnetting. I also became much more stodgy and cranky after finding out firsthand what it’s like to devote your life to a digital logic design and see it become obsolete in less than a year. Sorry I didn’t catch that your post was a joke. ---
**Author:** ![mtrahey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mtrahey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtrahey)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/128 "2003-08-18T21:39:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*Having spent a fair portion of my time being told to basically get out of the sandbox, little girl, and let the boys handle it, I am a little less receptive to jokes about my ability to understand such complexities in computers as IP addresses and subnetting. > > I also became much more stodgy and cranky after finding out firsthand what it’s like to devote your life to a digital logic design and see it become obsolete in less than a year. > > Sorry I didn’t catch that your post was a joke. \*\* No biggie. We all have hot button issues. I had figured that the whole IP thing was either haste or a desire for as much brevity as possible on your part. It’s very difficult to summarize any portion of IP to less then chapter size. ps. I never thought you were a chimp. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/129 "2003-08-18T22:27:38Z")
Yeah, you’re right. I was at work and trying to shorten things as much as possible. Considering that TCP/IP can and does fill entire 500 page books, summing it up in one post and not leaving something out is pretty condensed. The chimp thing didn’t bother me. For some reason the assumption that I’m a guy because I’m a geek always does. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/130 "2003-08-18T23:18:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*(I assume it dragged the driver out of the cab and beat it to death with a fire extinguisher). > \*\* Now I am suspicious… either that is a sophisticated joke involving references to both .cab files and GTA:VC, or **Eve** really is a mild-mannered damsel in e-distress. I am getting Catwoman vibes here… ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/131 "2003-08-19T02:46:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sturmhauke \* > \*\*In case you haven’t noticed, computers are pretty fucking complicated. There’s no reason to be an asshole to someone who doesn’t know about this stuff. \*\* **No!** Computers **are not** that complicated! Every damn Windows program has the same functions (File Edit View Go…) If you have a Dell or Gateway or whatever it comes pre-loaded and ready to roll. A 4-year-old can run them, for Christ’s sake! People who are **afraid** of hitting the wrong button, for fear of “blowing it up” piss me off as much as people who hit their brakes at every intersection, thinking that someone **is going to pull right the fuck out in front of them!** **Keep up or get the fuck out of the way!!!** ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/132 "2003-08-19T03:50:33Z")
mtrahey and catsix, please take your geekish flirtation to MPSIMS. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/133 "2003-08-19T04:24:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\* > Oh, and if you don’t do it right, your computer will stab you in the face. \*\* “Yes! In the face! In the face!” - Eddy Murphy in “Coming To America” Someone being injured is always much more funny by modifying it with “in the face” or “in the mouth”. I like the stabbing reference also. Sorry to sidetrack, I haven’t laughed out loud at a post in a while, back to geek speak! ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/134 "2003-08-19T14:00:56Z")
But but but I’m afraid of MPSIMS… ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/135 "2003-08-19T14:51:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by if6was9 \* > **No! Computers are not that complicated! Every damn Windows program has the same functions (File Edit View Go…) If you have a Dell or Gateway or whatever it comes pre-loaded and ready to roll. A 4-year-old can run them, for Christ’s sake!** \*\* Somehow I cannot see a 4-year old solving a tricky video card issue or figuring out what to do when the network is bugged up and a window refuses to close. You can shriek all day that computers are simple and easy to use but **the fact that many users have difficulty with them proves you are wrong.** If everyone who had trouble with computers was an idiot, that would be one thing, but I know a lot of very bright people who need help with their computers. Some of these people are smarter than the IT folks. I wonder how many IT support staff are highly familiar with the engines of their cars. I’ll bet good money quite a few of them couldn’t even change a tire. The same people saying “Computers are simple, you must be a dolt if they confuse you” quite often don’t know how to change an oil filter in a machine they use every single day. I would also be fascinated to know how good you are at, say, performing routine plumbing repairs, sewing a shirt together, or erecting a wooden fence. They’re just as “simple” as a computer, so why do I get a feeling most IT people are not skilled plumbers, tailors, or fence-builders? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/136 "2003-08-19T15:20:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*But but but I’m afraid of MPSIMS… \*\* It’s not so bad. There’s human contact but if you keep telling yourself, “They’re only VIRTUAL hugs,” it’s not so bad. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/137 "2003-08-19T15:30:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RickJay \* > **solving a tricky video card issue … figuring out what to do when the network is bugged up … a window refuses to close … change a tire … change an oil filter … performing routine plumbing repairs … sewing a shirt together … erecting a wooden fence** Done it … done it … done it … done it … done it … done it … done it … done it. None done quickly or well but I guess I’m not as incompetent as I thought. And fitting the collar was the nastiest of all–took all day and several violations of the laws of physics. But the video card was nasty, though not as bad as a no longer supported audio card with crappy drivers. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/138 "2003-08-19T22:13:12Z")
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” - Robert A. Heinlein. Done it, done it, butchered a deer, done it, done it, done it poorly, done it, done it, done it, done it, done it, done it, done it, done it. done it… though not reliabily, done it, done it, though not in years… but I can debug programming languages I don’t know, do it, not very recently, and… er… havn’t done it yet. The deer was a moral issue. If I eat meat, I figured that I should know exactly what I’m looking at the end product of. Took all summer to eat that deer, whose memory I honor. As far as a car goes, hell yes. Never sewed an entire shirt, though I’ve patched jeans and made a bathrobe once. Fences of both unmortared stone (Farmer’s Fence) and wood. Plumbing is fun, if painful. I’ve also raised a kid. (Not mine, the neighbor’s. Changed his nappies, taught him to read, rocked him to bed, taught him to add and subtract, then to multiply and divide. Heard his first or second word, saw his first steps…) Heck, I’ve taught first and second graders. That’s the most useful experience I’ve ever had in my life. It’s where I learned patience. … wait, there was a point. Oh, yah. Eve? I’m coming to the city this weekend. You want me to install a good anti-virus software for you? Keep your computer nice and safe? ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/139 "2003-08-20T02:20:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by if6was9 \* > \*\ ***No!** Computers **are not** that complicated! Every damn Windows program has the same functions (File Edit View Go…) If you have a Dell or Gateway or whatever it comes pre-loaded and ready to roll. A 4-year-old can run them, for Christ’s sake! > > People who are **afraid** of hitting the wrong button, for fear of “blowing it up” piss me off as much as people who hit their brakes at every intersection, thinking that someone **is going to pull right the fuck out in front of them!** > > **Keep up or get the fuck out of the way!!!** \*\* Computers appear simple on the surface so that people who don’t know a lot about them can still use them. This concept is called “user friendliness”. Underneath they are indeed pretty fucking complicated, as I said before. If you disagree, please explain the following terms, since they’re so simple: Von Neumann architecture arithmetic-logic unit multiple pipeline processing memory cache sockets transport layer system call UNICODE ASCII kernal IEEE PCI SCSI USB interrupt process task scheduling TSR driver packet system bus semaphore resource allocation memory leak virtual memory routing data collision This test will be graded. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906/140 "2003-08-20T02:57:15Z")
Something tells me I’m not allowed to take this test… _itching_itching\*. BTW, anybody want to give a geek a job? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-computer-people-speak-simple-english/194906.md?page=8)