# Why can't guys go for "nice" girls? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122 "2003-10-02T14:52:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/61 "2003-10-03T15:00:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > \*\*depends how far you want to travel, young sir. > I live near Cleveland Ohio(unfortuantely). > 🙂 > aw thanks. \*\* Whaddya mean, “unfortunately”? Cleveland Rocks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/62 "2003-10-03T18:21:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > depends how far you want to travel, young sir. > I live near Cleveland Ohio(unfortuantely). > 🙂 That’s a pretty hefty commute from California.😉 > [@](#): > > aw thanks. Thanks for calling me “young”. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/63 "2003-10-03T20:00:11Z")
> [@](#): > > Unattractive people on the other hand tend to be enthusiastic and grateful in bed. It kind of like fucking a puppy, but… Nonsense, it isn’t very similar at all. The puppies make more noise, at first. What? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/64 "2003-10-03T23:23:03Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Jon Doe_ > **Call me a typical guy but i love beautiful sexy woman, they catch my eye and those are the ones i take down.** See? This is honesty. I used to have a crush on a friend of mine. I was/am not his physical type, not by a long shot. I am, however, his intellectual type (hence we’re still friends). The other day we were having a conversation, and he described the kind of girl he wanted. He wanted a smart girl, a non-conformist, a girl who liked the same things he did, etc, all of which are qualities that I possess. NOT ONCE did he mention physical characteristics. He claimed it didn’t matter when I asked. Now, I’m happily engaged at the moment, and I got over this friend of mine _years_ ago, but I was still just about ready to bash his freaking head in. I wanted to scream, Yes, it bloody well DOES matter; else you’d’ve dated me. I’m not bitter, but I _hate_ when people claim that physical qualities don’t matter. Everyone has their own set of requirements; some people’s may be looser than others, but everyone has them. All I–and presumably many other people–ask is that you be HONEST about them. And, hell, if you want the beautiful, sexy women, and you can get them–well, then, bully on you. …sorry. It’s just refreshing that someone was finally able to express this opinion while not being offensive and/or derogatory. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/65 "2003-10-04T01:06:14Z")
I would disagree that like attracts like. Everybody wants somebody beautiful. Definitions of beautiful vary from person to person, but I don’t know anyone who deliberately seeks out the average on that basis alone. I think as people mature their priorities shift a little bit and a lot of time, it’s a rationalization for settling for what is available, instead of being bitter about what’s not. That average single guy in the corner. He wants a hottie. So does the average girl at the bar. But unless they have staggering charisma, they’ll make due with the people they find who have personality and character and generally be happier for it. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/66 "2003-10-04T01:26:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angel of the Lord \* > \*\*See? This is honesty. > > I used to have a crush on a friend of mine. I was/am not his physical type, not by a long shot. I am, however, his intellectual type (hence we’re still friends). > > The other day we were having a conversation, and he described the kind of girl he wanted. He wanted a smart girl, a non-conformist, a girl who liked the same things he did, etc, all of which are qualities that I possess. NOT ONCE did he mention physical characteristics. He claimed it didn’t matter when I asked. > > Now, I’m happily engaged at the moment, and I got over this friend of mine _years_ ago, but I was still just about ready to bash his freaking head in. I wanted to scream, Yes, it bloody well DOES matter; else you’d’ve dated me. > > I’m not bitter, but I _hate_ when people claim that physical qualities don’t matter. Everyone has their own set of requirements; some people’s may be looser than others, but everyone has them. All I–and presumably many other people–ask is that you be HONEST about them. And, hell, if you want the beautiful, sexy women, and you can get them–well, then, bully on you. > > …sorry. It’s just refreshing that someone was finally able to express this opinion while not being offensive and/or derogatory. \*\* This doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t date you because of your looks, or alleged lack thereof. There’s always chemistry to take into consideration. Now, I realize that for many men, if a woman is attractive and willing, it’s all systems go as far as having sex is concerned. But when it comes to looking for “Ms. Right”? I think guys are pretty similar to us. They want someone with whom they feel that “certain something”. That he didn’t with you, (and I realize this is a non-issue for you at this point), doesn’t mean you weren’t “pretty enough” or whatever. It may have simply meant that he didn’t feel any chemistry with you. When it comes to who a person picks for their life-partner, while looks are nice, I don’t think that they’re up there in the top 5 or even 10. People can very well be sexually attracted to someone because of their physical beauty, but not feel that chemistry that tends to bond two people. Again, I realize that for YOU this is pretty much ancient history, I just wanted to make a sort of slight argument regarding people who might think that someone not wanting to date them may have something to do with them not being “pretty/handsome enough”. Sometimes, in fact, MANY times (dare I say MOST times? Based on how long it takes many of us to find “the one”?), “ **It** ” is just not there, regardless of each party’s looks. Or qualities for that matter. Which brings me to another point. ( **warning: Generalization Ahead** ) I think that the above is true for women more than it is men, just in dating situations and not just in looking for a relationship. I think that most women need to feel “IT,” or a reasonable facsimile before they’re interested in the guy. JMHO ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122/67 "2003-10-04T05:16:07Z")
It wasn’t that I wasn’t “pretty enough”–I happen to think I’m nice-enough looking, TYVM. I simply wasn’t his physical type. . .which, incidentally, might’ve been the lack of chemistry thing. We didn’t really have chemistry; you’re right. But, based on other conversations that he and I have had. . .looks did play a part in it. Though you did somehow make me feel a bit better ;). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-guys-go-for-nice-girls/205122.md?page=3)