# Why Can't I Own a Canadian? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 12, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771 "2007-12-12T19:31:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a9adbd/32.png) [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/21 "2007-12-13T17:24:04Z")
You’re Canadian – shouldn’t that be “Your kilometerage may vary”? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/22 "2007-12-13T17:30:11Z")
[QUOTE=KP] You’re Canadian – shouldn’t that be “Your kilometerage may vary”? [/QUOTE] No. The word “mileage” has escaped its unit of birh and now apples to distance reckoned in any unit. Same with “footage”. While it was (and often is) still measured in feet in film, in video it tends to go by timecode (hours:minutes:seconds:frames), but we still say “footage”. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/23 "2007-12-13T17:54:49Z")
Didn’t they outlaw owning Canadians because it was found that most Americans had absolutely no idea how to properly care for one and ended up breaking all kinds of cruelty laws? I mean, consider that if you are going to keep a Canadian, you will need to prepare a considerable number of things: 1. You will need to build “The Beer Store” and a “Tim Horton’s” in your back yard. If your Canadian is from the east coast, you may be required to learn how to make or obtain “Screech.” Do not attempt to feed your Canadian American beer or it will respond by attempting to return that beer to you in a place that beer should not go. 2. You will need to keep on hand an assortment of toques and hockey equipment, and be available for all televised NHL games (which necessitates access to all televised NHL games). Depending on the Canadian, you may also be required to have access to all CFL and/or NFL games, too. 3. Never mention “Bloc Quebecois” unless your Canadian is from Quebec. Even then you may still give offense. Similarly, and with the same caveat, “referendum” will still induce rabies-like symptoms. 4. If your Canadian is from Newfoundland or Quebec, you may be required to learn its language. Similarly, if you are a native of Boston, Minnesota, Brooklyn, or the deep south, your Canadian may require education in kind. 5. You must be fluent in both the imperial and metric systems of weights and measures. 6. If you live in the southern US states, you must be capable of accepting ridicule if you complain about the cold whenever the temperature drops below 10°C/50F. 7. Understand that your bacon is not _real_ bacon, though your Canadian will still eat it because hey, it’s bacon. There are plenty of other rules, but these are probably the most important to observe. You can see, then, why owning a Canadian is a considerable undertaking. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/24 "2007-12-13T17:57:51Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] 5. You must be fluent in both the imperial and metric systems of weights and measures. [/quote] As well as the US system of measures. > [@Mindfield](#): > > You can see, then, why owning a Canadian is a considerable undertaking. But worth it. The winter plumage of Canadians is impressive; many in the south have never seen it in its full glory. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/25 "2007-12-13T18:03:00Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin] A couple of my friends have been making noises about entering me in an auction next spring – lease rather than own though. [/QUOTE] Fifty quatlus on the newcomer! ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/26 "2007-12-13T18:05:37Z")
If you’re going to get a Canadian, go all out and get a fancy _French_ Canadian. “There’s no Canada like French Canada, it’s the greatest Canada in the land…” ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/27 "2007-12-13T18:08:31Z")
[QUOTE=Snooooopy] Why can’t I lease a Canadian with an option to buy? [/QUOTE] You might want to look into used Canadians. The depreciation is pretty steep the first couple of years so if it isn’t important to you that you have the latest model Canadian it could be an option. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/28 "2007-12-13T18:09:47Z")
As a kept Canadian, may I see that anyone attempting to employ the term winter in the southeastern USwill be met with howls derisive laughter from the shorts and sandals wearing guy with the beer in his hand knocking the “frost” from the lettuce in the garden. Canadians can be adapted to American beer quite easily. It is only necesssary to demonstrate the import markup at the local store. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/29 "2007-12-13T18:35:18Z")
[QUOTE=Stauderhorse] If you’re going to get a Canadian, go all out and get a fancy _French_ Canadian. [/QUOTE] Or you could just relax and and get a nice comfortable down-to-earth English Canadian. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/30 "2007-12-13T18:40:28Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Or you could just relax and and get a nice comfortable down-to-earth English Canadian. [/QUOTE] the Scots are the only true Canadians, well, the Irish, too. The English have never been good for anything but creating paperwork and empires. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/31 "2007-12-13T18:47:41Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] As well as the US system of measures. [/quote] Is that the one with measurements such as “yea big” and “wide as a Chevy?” > [@Sunspace](#): > > But worth it. The winter plumage of Canadians is impressive; many in the south have never seen it in its full glory. This is quite true. There is no sight quite like a Canadian bearing a full winter coat, especially the Saskatchewan breeds. They puff up nearly twice their original size! They’re hardy, too, and make excellent workers in adverse conditions. > [@Kuboydal](#): > > Canadians can be adapted to American beer quite easily. Sacrilege! The foulest word in my vocabulary – capable of inducing the most twisted grimaces on even the hardiest of men – is “Coors.” (Apologies to my fellow Canadians. If it helps take some of the sting away: “Molson.”) [QUOTE=Stauderhorse] If you’re going to get a Canadian, go all out and get a fancy French Canadian. [/quote] You really have to be careful with French-Canadians. Many of them are notoriously finicky, refuse to acknowledge you unless accorded a healthy amount of respect, and when speaking to them, you have to say everything in French before repeating it in English. On the plus side, I understand a lot of women like it when you speak French to them. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/32 "2007-12-13T18:50:06Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Sacrilege! The foulest word in my vocabulary – capable of inducing the most twisted grimaces on even the hardiest of men – is “Coors.” (Apologies to my fellow Canadians. If it helps take some of the sting away: “Molson.”) QUOTE] Relax, Coors isn’t even beer. Terrapin makes a Golden Ale that’s like Joe Molson brewing in heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/33 "2007-12-13T18:53:17Z")
[QUOTE=Kuboydal] As a kept Canadian, may I see that anyone attempting to employ the term winter in the southeastern USwill be met with howls derisive laughter from the shorts and sandals wearing guy with the beer in his hand knocking the “frost” from the lettuce in the garden. [/quote] Could I get one to drive me around in the “frost”? > [@](#): > > Canadians can be adapted to American beer quite easily. I’m more of a wine drinker than a beer drinker. Would a French Canadian be more appropriate for me? ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/34 "2007-12-13T18:54:02Z")
[QUOTE=Snooooopy] Why can’t I lease a Canadian with an option to buy? [/QUOTE] Well, I’m on a year-to-year work visa, so I suppose my boyfriend _is_ leasing with option to buy… He better not even think about trading me in for a newer model!! [QUOTE=Mindfield] You really have to be careful with French-Canadians. Many of them are notoriously finicky, [/QUOTE] Finicky? Please, we eat stew with pigs’ feet in it and have nun’s farts for dessert. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/35 "2007-12-13T19:11:40Z")
[QUOTE=Kuboydal] the Scots are the only true Canadians, well, the Irish, too. The English have never been good for anything but creating paperwork and empires. [/QUOTE] And railways. Don’t forget the railways. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/36 "2007-12-13T20:01:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] And railways. Don’t forget the railways. [/QUOTE] shush. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/37 "2007-12-13T20:08:12Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] And railways. Don’t forget the railways. [/QUOTE] The CPR was promoted by Sir John A. Macdonald (a Scotsman), built by Chinese labour, and completed by Cornelius Van Horne (an American). And the English did…? ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/38 "2007-12-13T20:09:42Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] The CPR was promoted by Sir John A. Macdonald (a Scotsman), built by Chinese labour, and completed by Cornelius Van Horne (an American). And the English did…? [/QUOTE] One nice stack of pancakes for **Spoons** coming right up. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/39 "2007-12-13T20:22:20Z")
You can’t own a Canadian? Why, anybody can own a Canadian! Because, folks, with deals like we’ve got here at Honest Dougie’s Used Canadians, Canadians are now more affordable than ever! Check out this little beauty. Built in beautiful British Columbia, she’s only got 25 years on her. Skis like an angel, educated at a fine university, and looks great on the beach. Yup, she’s available right now at Honest Dougie’s. Or how 'bout this guy? He’s got mover and shaker written all over him! From Toronto, he’s the Bay Street Businessman you know you need. Tell you what–buy him today, and I’ll throw in the Latte Moccacino and the Blackberry for free! Or, look over here. Here’s a little exotic French number that’s sure to please! Montreal is her home, but she’s no stranger to travel, having widened her horizons as an Air Canada flight attendant over the past two years. We’ve grounded her here at Honest Dougie’s and she’s waiting for you! Hey folks, there’s plenty more Canadians to chose from so c’mon down to Honest Dougie’s and check out just how affordable our Canadians are. Still too much? Don’t worry; on-the-spot financing’s available, and there are always free sodas and hot dogs for the kiddies. Honest Dougie’s–Your Tri-City Canadian dealer for over 40 years! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/40 "2007-12-13T20:23:52Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] The CPR was promoted by Sir John A. Macdonald (a Scotsman), built by Chinese labour, and completed by Cornelius Van Horne (an American). And the English did…? [/QUOTE] We _managed_ it! So there! (I knew someone would rise to the bait!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771.md?page=3)