# Why Can't I Own a Canadian? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 12, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771 "2007-12-12T19:31:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/61 "2007-12-14T05:00:04Z")
There’s already only one of me. That ought to be good for some price inflation right there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/62 "2007-12-14T05:07:05Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] ( **Spoons** - “check?” Dude. ) [/QUOTE] Yeah, but Honest Dougie will take a cheque too, if anybody in the English-speaking world (other than Americans) wants to own a Canadian. Hey, as long as he makes a sale and gets his money, he’s not picky. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/63 "2007-12-14T05:38:55Z")
I feel honour bound to say that Honest Dougie is not the only dealer in town, be sure to check out Honest Mikey, Bobbie, Geordie, Timmy, Thommie, Gary, Jerry, Petey, Paulie, Gordie, Geoffie, Marky, Howie, Johnnie, Charlie, Stevie, Scottie, Billie, Eddie, Freddie, and Jacques. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/64 "2007-12-14T14:25:04Z")
Sorry, man. I guess you haven’t kept up. Paulie was indicted for fraud, Timmy for tax evasion. Mikey and Bobbie, after a long and bitter feud, discovered their love for each other, closed their Canadian shops and opened a puppy mill. Gary was caught trying to smuggle Mexicans inside Canadians, Jacques was caught shrink wrapping factory seconds and selling them as new, and both were nailed because Thommie turned informant against them and subsequently had to be enrolled in witness protection. Geordie was attacked and killed by a small Chihuahua, his assets liquidated by the province for lack of a valid will, and Marky was killed in a bizarre self-serve Slush Puppie dispenser accident. At least, dental records _say_ it was Marky. Stevie became addicted to antihistamines, Freddie to bacon. The former is in rehab and may return; the latter took up pig farming and was last seen eating his stock on the hoof. Jerry is embroiled in a land dispute with a local notary public, who claims that the plot of land Jerry’s store occupies was quite literally shipped over from Ireland by his great, great, great grandparents and declared sovereign. Unfortunately, he’s not getting any help from the government because they won’t get involved in foreign land disputes and can’t be bribed because the current exchange rates have rendered his assets completely worthless. Petey is in the hospital for swallowing his own arm on a dare. They may have to amputate. Speaking of amputation, Scottie got a double glutectomy – a procedure so rare it had yet to be given a proper -ectomy name, and which I humbly submit a suggestion for here – and due to a tragic chart mix-up, Johnnie was sent for a clitoridectomy. Both went about as well as could be expected. Eddie, overwhelmingly buoyed at the dwindling competition for business and displaying a ridiculous lack of situational awareness, spontaneously performed a gleeful leap of joy while in the middle of being robbed at gunpoint. He is presently in a coma. Geoffie is routinely beaten up because his name is Geoffie, and is considering selling the business to go into seclusion inside an Alpaca’s anus. Howie and Charlie are figments of each other’s imagination. Billie … well, Billie’s about the only one left who’s sane, living, still conscious and remarkably – some might say _suspiciously_ – free of enemies. If it wasn’t for her foul-mouthed Tourette’s she’d probably snag all the business. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/65 "2007-12-14T15:38:52Z")
I swear, you turn your back on these people and all hell breaks loose. I guess the best toboggan slopes will be less crowded this summer. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/66 "2007-12-14T16:00:18Z")
[QUOTE=Kuboydal] I swear, you turn your back on these people and all hell breaks loose. I guess the best toboggan slopes will be less crowded this summer. [/QUOTE] We only look bland on the outside. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/67 "2007-12-14T16:13:20Z")
Who needs to import, they are migrating on their own making capture easier. I live 20 minutes from the border and Timmy’s are sprouting like weeds. This is a good thing, great would be for Beer Stores to start spawning too. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/68 "2007-12-14T16:24:51Z")
Here at _Crazy Eddie’s_ we are slashing prices on Snow Backs! That’s right, walk out of our lot with your very own with our introductory rate, low low financing and zero down. We even have the new 2007 drunk edition called Snow Ploughed. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/69 "2007-12-14T16:31:48Z")
**Minefield** , I didn’t see any of that stuff on the news here in Florida, although it was fascinating and I enjoyed it. Damn it, **MINDFIELD** , not Minefield. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/70 "2007-12-14T17:02:18Z")
Kinda hijacky: the Dr. Laura fan references [Leviticus Ch 11](http://www.kingjamesbible.com/B03C011.htm), and I decided for once to read the whole context. But I come away more confused than enlightened. Levit gets a little murky when breaking down which creatures are unclean and/or an abomination, and seems to have particular acrimony towards creepers. > [@](#): > > 20 All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you. > > 21 Yet these may ye eat of every flying creeping thing that goeth upon all four, which have legs above their feet, to leap withal upon the earth; > > 22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind. > > 23 But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you. What fowls have four legs? If he’s including wings as forelegs, what bird “creeps” around on his wings? I know some of them drag their wings behind them, but is that the same as creeping? The ones that have all four feet (or their legs and wings) above their heads are OK to eat, so I guess we target the birds that fly upside down. And I guess it’s OK to eat insects as long as they’re cannibals. But stay away from those creepers. Better avoid lurkers, shamblers, and limbo dancers too, just in case. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/71 "2007-12-14T18:36:15Z")
[QUOTE=Knowed Out] Better avoid lurkers, shamblers, and limbo dancers too, just in case. [/QUOTE] What about lurking, shambling, \*Canadian \*limbo dancers? ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/72 "2007-12-14T18:51:20Z")
[QUOTE=Knowed Out] What fowls have four legs? If he’s including wings as forelegs, what bird “creeps” around on his wings? I know some of them drag their wings behind them, but is that the same as creeping? [/QUOTE] Perhaps the griffin would go well on a barbecue. > **[Griffin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Griffin)** > > The griffin, griffon, or gryphon (Ancient Greek: γρύψ, romanized: grýps; Classical Latin: gryps or grypus; Late and Medieval Latin: gryphes, grypho etc.; Old French: griffon) is a legendary creature with the body, tail, and back legs of a lion, and the head and wings of an eagle with its talons on the front legs. > In Greek and Roman texts, griffins and Arimaspians were associated with the gold deposits of Central Asia. The earliest classical writings on the topic were derived from Aristeas (7t... ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/73 "2007-12-14T19:19:39Z")
Ooh! Barbecued Griffin. Prime rib _and_ wings! > [@LouisB](#): > > I didn’t see any of that stuff on the news here in Florida Well of course not – you think our media wants to leak stuff like that across the border? You’ll think we’ve all gone nuts and then _nobody_ will want Canadians anymore. Have you any idea what that would do to the economy? > [@Sunspace](#): > > We only look bland on the outside. Shush. You want them cracking us open to get at our bright, savory filling? ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/74 "2007-12-14T19:23:57Z")
Knowed Out: > [@](#): > > What fowls have four legs? If he’s including wings as forelegs, what bird “creeps” around on his wings? I know some of them drag their wings behind them, but is that the same as creeping? The original Hebrew helps a lot. It doesn’t really mean specifically “fowl” but “flying/winged creatures”. Specifically, here, it’s referring to insects. Those which use their legs for simple walking are forbidden. Those which have specialized legs higher than some of the other legs for the purpose of jumping, and those permitted types of animals are listed in the next verse you quote. “After its kind,” by the way, means “and other of its kind.” Like for example, saying “the cow and its kind” would include, say, buffalo. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/75 "2007-12-14T19:36:59Z")
[QUOTE=cmkeller] The original Hebrew helps a lot. It doesn’t really mean specifically “fowl” but “flying/winged creatures”. Specifically, here, it’s referring to insects. Those which use their legs for simple walking are forbidden. Those which have specialized legs higher than some of the other legs for the purpose of jumping, and those permitted types of animals are listed in the next verse you quote. “After its kind,” by the way, means “and other of its kind.” Like for example, saying “the cow and its kind” would include, say, buffalo. [/QUOTE] See, now that’s a lot clearer. How much of our problems are due to bad translations? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/76 "2007-12-14T19:40:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Perhaps the griffin would go well on a barbecue. **Hippogriff** – n – A creature that is half horse and half griffin. The griffin, in turn, is a creature half lion and half eagle. The Hippogriff is therefore one-quarter Eagle, which is $2.50. The study of biology is full of surprises. – Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dictionary. (It helps if you know that “Eagle” was turn of the Century slang for a $10 gold piece. The study of biology is full of surprises.) ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/77 "2007-12-14T19:47:01Z")
[QUOTE=LouisB] This is what is wrong with the economy. Why can’t you people just buy American(s) instead of all these cheap imports? [/QUOTE] Hey now! I’ll happily admit to being easy, but if there’s one thing I ain’t, it’s _cheap_. Hrmph. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/78 "2007-12-14T20:00:13Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] **Hippogriff** – n – A creature that is half horse and half griffin. The griffin, in turn, is a creature half lion and half eagle. The Hippogriff is therefore one-quarter Eagle, which is $2.50. The study of biology is full of surprises. – Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dictionary. QUOTE] I lost my copy of that somewhere. I’m surprised it didn’t turn up on the dictionary thread a few weeks back. * * * A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Randy stops him and asks, “Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?” “Well, I got it for my wife, you see?” answers Dave. “Wow,” exclaims Randy, “Great trade.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/79 "2007-12-14T21:21:14Z")
[QUOTE=ASAKMOTSD] What about lurking, shambling, \*Canadian \*limbo dancers? [/QUOTE] Well, we can’t eat them, but they can be our slaves. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771/80 "2007-12-14T21:27:45Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Not unless I can poop on him whenever he walks under me. [/QUOTE] I always wondered about those [statues](http://i.pbase.com/o5/42/521742/1/68034977.hV8NgT35.cn_tower_8903.jpg) at the CN Tower… 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-i-own-a-canadian/429771.md?page=5)