# Why can't lesbians wear dresses? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 20, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579 "2005-09-20T18:50:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![aahala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@aahala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aahala)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/21 "2005-09-20T21:43:00Z")
It was in the memo. Only the “renowned lesbians” like Ellen Degeneres was supposed to get it. So those of you who were supposed to get it and didn’t, stop wearing dresses, women who mistakenly got the memo and missed the lesbian part, return to wearing dresses. Any men who got the advisory or continued to wear dresses for whatever reason, it’s lunch on your own. ---
**Author:** ![sj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@sj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj2)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/22 "2005-09-20T21:48:35Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > This is the stupidest question I’ve ever heard. Yeah, me too. Borderline offensive and stupid… ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/23 "2005-09-20T23:34:20Z")
Hey, I don’t see it as that offensive a question, and I’m definitely a “would rather wear a TUX than a DRESS, PANTSUIT or ANYTHING ELSE” kind of dykey gal. Just more of a curiosity question, but said questioner has to realize his observation is due to selection bias. Here’s the thing-- I know plenty of lesbians who wear everything from classic little black cocktail micro-dresses to elaborate ballgowns. However, unless they are making out with their partner on the middle of the floor, no one would think they are lesbian. This _does_ bother them greatly, because sometimes it takes more than a few “I’m with HER” 's before some random clod of either gender gets the idea that she’s partnered with a woman. There is also the problem that parts of lesbian culture are so biphobic that they instantly stereotype “femme” lesbians as bisexual (I’ll spare you my “I Hate Biphobes” rant). The other side is that most lesbians dress for comfort rather than style, and that includes everyone from the sundress crowd to the earth mother crowd to the levi’s-n-t shirt crowd. My partner, for instance, dresses like, say, the usual female Target shopper, which is comfy-femme. Given Ellen’s usual dressing style, I’d put her in the “comfy” category, and until the day tight 501’s and a raw silk blouse are considered formal wear (and I will bless, BLESS the day that it is, drool) then pantsuits it is. BTW, note that Gillian Welch’s character on the X-Files was also a pantsuit denizen, and was heterosexual. They are just a lot more comfy, and you can forego the horror that is pantyhose. Then there is me, an N of 1, who is an out & proud lesbian transvestite with long hair. On formal days, I’ll wear suits and ties to work (much to the horror of my brethren who physically can’t stand ties the way I physically can’t stand nylons). I look fantastic in a classic tuxedo. I have a Utilikilt (which my boss argues is a skirt. Sure, a BUTCH skirt.) Casually, I prefer jeans and T-shirts or short-sleeve geek-like work shirts. My reward if I’m successful at staying a good post-bariatric surgery patient is a really nice tailored Italian suit. However, if there is one unitary lesbian fashion sense, it is “wear comfy most of the time.” Which, I do believe, is the same fashion sense as 99% of the world. ---
**Author:** ![Stillwell\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Stillwell\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stillwell_Angel)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/24 "2005-09-21T00:26:59Z")
I’m a 36 year old straight woman. If you see me in a dress you can bet that either: A) someone died B) someone got married And many times I’ve opted for pants even on those occassions (including my own wedding, I was wearing my standard issue Levi’s) ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/25 "2005-09-21T00:55:55Z")
> [@sj2](#): > > Yeah, me too. Borderline offensive and stupid… Yes, because shouting down innocent and curious questions with accusations of borderline bigotry is really going to make the world a better place. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/26 "2005-09-21T01:12:25Z")
Why don’t men wear dresses, social customs perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/27 "2005-09-21T01:15:12Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > Yes, because shouting down innocent and curious questions with accusations of borderline bigotry is really going to make the world a better place. For myself, it’s not so much “borderline bigotry” as just silly assumptions: > [@the OP](#): > > rather I’m curious about the answer to why some lesbians seem opposed to what is traditionally the dress for their gender What, so women are supposed to wear dresses, and if they don’t, they might be dykes, or they’re trying to be men? :: checks calendar :: Gee, it doesn’t _seem_ to be 1850. Does someone’s personal sense of style and comfort have to be tied to their sexual orientation? Some women occasionally or frequently wear dresses, and some don’t. Either way, it might be for reasons of fashion, or comfort, or feminism, or religion, or horrible scars on their legs. So what? Why does anyone (gay or straight, black or white, male or female, etc.) wear anything? Because it’s what they like to wear.\* \*Yeah, yeah, barring uniforms, dress codes, etc. We’re talking about personal choice here. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/28 "2005-09-21T01:39:08Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > This is the stupidest question I’ve ever heard. Then you should visit [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=334823&goto=newpost) ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/29 "2005-09-21T05:35:46Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > This is the stupidest question I’ve ever heard. Then, what you do is hit the little triangle button in the top right of your screen. The one with the exclamation point in it. That will alert a mod to a problem. What you **DON’T** do is make snarky comments in a thread in GQ. We have more than enough of those to go around. Anyone else that doesn’t like the OP, hit your button. We don’t hold it against you for reporting things. It helps us do our job, even if we don’t agree with you. **samclem** GQ moderator ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/30 "2005-09-21T05:42:38Z")
I metioned this to one of the lesbians I know, and she, who says she’s not worn a dress since she was 12, said that most lesbians - in fact, _all_ the lesbians she knows - won’t wear dresses because of the patriarchal worldview, whereby men expect women to wear dresses to please and arouse them. She did note, though, that some Chinese lesbians do wear dresses, so perhaps there’s a cultural element. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/31 "2005-09-21T06:48:30Z")
I know loads of lesbians who wear dresses. I think the reason why lesbians are percieved as eschewing dresses (at lease, eschewing them more than anyone else- dresses are pretty rare in general) is because the media needs a simple visual shorthand for “lesbian.” Television and the like isn’t too bit on subtlty and ambiguity, and they don’t want male customers all pissed off because they’ve spent weeks beating off to some girl and then suddenly they discover she’s not at all interested in them. So the media has created a quick easily identifyable “lesbian” uniform. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/32 "2005-09-21T06:50:06Z")
I’m a straight woman, married, and the last time I wore anything approximating a dress was on the day I got married - back in January. And even then it was a simple black skirt, not a fancy dress of any kind. I like my jeans. If I want to dress them up, I’ll wear a spangly top. If I want to dress them down, I’ve got a plethora of tshirts I can wear. If I really need to tart it up, I’ll wear a pair of black slacks and my black blazer. I hate skirts. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/33 "2005-09-21T07:08:59Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > I metioned this to one of the lesbians I know, and she, who says she’s not worn a dress since she was 12, said that most lesbians - in fact, _all_ the lesbians she knows - won’t wear dresses because of the patriarchal worldview, whereby men expect women to wear dresses to please and arouse them. This is a political requirement of her peer-group, though, and not something that is directly connected to sexual orientation. There are lots of [these women](http://belladonna.org/lipsticklesbian.html) out there doing their thing on a daily basis, and chances are that they are “invisible lesbians” to most people they meet, unless they have some reason to communicate their sexual orientation. Dress sense is dress sense and who you wanna rub up against is who you wanna rub up against. Yeah, people often dress to affirm their identity within a group. You might as well ask “Why can’t pot smokers have a neat haircut?” You can find lots of groupings of headbangers or dreads and make assumptions about whether or not they hit the bong, and there may very often be something in the assumption. These are little mini-cultures that include social signifiers that are often used to announce “I’m a total head, dude! Spark it!” On the other hand, you’ll find plenty of people with these sorts of hairstyles that abstain altogether, and you can sure as hell find people who like mormon missionaries that go through a quarter-ounce a week, easy. Dressing or grooming for group identification is a widespread anthropological phenomenon. Lesbian =/= butch. A political disdain for “feminine” dress is easily separated from sexual orientation – as you said, it’s related to a desire to resist patriarchal expectations, (in cases when it’s not just related to a desire for practicality, comfort, or plain ol’ fashion.) I’ve known plenty of feminist women who wouldn’t be caught dead in a skirt, and yet were demonstrably heterosexual. Your friend’s peer group requires strict adherance to a certain type of feminist dress-code. Most likely she doesn’t know any lesbians who would wear a skirt because skirt-wearers are outsiders to her peer group. If she talked to lesbians outside her peer-group, she’d find that there are many women who feel strongly contrary. > [@the above link](#): > > MYTH: [“Lipstick Lesbians” have] been brainwashed by the patriarchy. > > FACT: Lipstick Lesbians are being true to themselves by wearing feminine clothes and makeup. The gay community upholds the right of gay men to be feminine; why should women be forced to settle for fewer options in the gay community, of all places? ---
**Author:** ![Vladthetickler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/71e660/32.png) [@Vladthetickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vladthetickler)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/34 "2005-09-21T15:25:36Z")
Thanks for all the helpful input. It was a serious, well-intentioned question that I tried to state that way. I’m a guest and didn’t have any intention of coming on here to throw a bomb in GQ and see what I could stir up. But I thought this might be the place to ask a legit question, albeit a provovactive one maybe, that you can’t ask just anybody. And I put it in GQ because I thought there was an actual answer that I just didn’t know. I clearly stated that I didn’t KNOW, and even allowed that, hey, maybe I’m working on a false premise here. But I still got some harsh shots for even asking. Welcome to the SDMB, huh. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/35 "2005-09-21T15:53:16Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > they don’t want male customers all pissed off because they’ve spent weeks beating off to some girl and then suddenly they discover she’s not at all interested in them. Yes, because all those men whacking it are thinking they have a shot with Britney Spears or Jenna Jameson. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/36 "2005-09-21T16:08:57Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Why don’t men wear dresses, social customs perhaps? Haven’t been to many Dopefests, eh? Oh? They’re calling them “kilts” now? Same difference. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/37 "2005-09-21T16:27:08Z")
I asked a friend of mine (who also happens to be a lesbian). Her answer: “Because I’ve never been able to find a dress that didn’t make my ass look as big as a barn door.” Seems like a perfectly legitimate reason to me. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/38 "2005-09-25T00:02:24Z")
Personally, I self-identify as lesbian of the femme tendency. I’m also well known as a radical raving feminist. I prefer to wear dresses and skirts. I use makeup. I like looking pretty. I’m one of your statistical outliers, but then I’m not afraid of being weird. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/39 "2005-09-25T03:26:01Z")
I swore I woudn’t open this thread lest I start taking notes and recording statistics at my church. We’re out of town for this weekend but after talking to my wife about it among our church congregation we can only name one lesbian who ever wears dresses on a regular basis and at that less than half the time. A more femme granola mother type in comfy Birkentstocks. Not much of a data point as very few women there under 65 wear dresses regularly. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2005, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579/40 "2005-09-25T04:41:48Z")
It’s quite possible that many of the women that you see in the beautiful gowns _are_ lesbians. Cherry Jones took home her second Tony for lead actress this year in a terrific dress. She gave her companion a nice kiss before going on stage to accept the award from Alan Alda. I believe her companion was also wearing a dress; she usually does. The companion is also an actress and has a regular role in _Deadwood_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-lesbians-wear-dresses/322579.md?page=3)