# Why can't men take responsibility for their own depraved desires? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 22, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542 "2004-05-22T17:15:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2004, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/81 "2004-05-29T06:44:07Z")
Actually, I can assure you it is not, since I’m friendly with the woman who owns the site. (Through her other site, Sense and Sensibility Patterns) For that matter, **Lissla Lissar** can also attest to it’s authenticity. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2004, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/82 "2004-05-29T07:05:00Z")
Allright. No offense intended to you, but your friend is a kook. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2004, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/83 "2004-05-29T20:29:40Z")
I think these “church dress code” directives are generated at women because, quite frankly, women are more inclined to show up for church looking like hookers than men. In my church, a man who shows up in shorts, a tank-top and flip-flops is as subject to castigation as a woman who shows up immodestly dressed. But, aside from the occasional teenage boy, it’s rare to see a man dressed in such fashion. Women, on the other hand… especially if their visiting from Latin-rite parishes, are woefully inclined to show up in miniskirts and cleavage-baring tops with spaghetti straps, then wonder why the Older Ladies drape them in a shawl from the basket, which is prominently placed at the entrance with a sign explaining the dress code and asking the women to please put one on “if you were unable to dress properly”. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/84 "2004-05-29T20:35:55Z")
Well, naturally, since there’s more of a variety in clothing options for women than there are for men. That being said, I find the whole, “Women, see, we men ARE higher up, but um, we can’t control ourselves, so if we screw up (even though WE are superior, or at least supposed to be in charge), it’s all YOUR FAULT!” is repulsive. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/85 "2004-05-29T20:53:49Z")
**Guin** , I think it is because many people who adopt a religious mindset have a difficult time with the idea that some things _aren’t anybody’s fault_. Sin, to some, is not a passive thing, but an active one. It is also the creation of the mindset which believes that _arousal itself_ is sinful, even if you don’t act upon it. If not for that, I would say, the admonition for proper dress is fairly sensible. Many men _are_ distracted by and attracted to visual stimulation, and although this in itself is nobody’s fault, many women _can_ take steps to minimize the potential. The situation simply is what it is and as a practical matter we cannot pretend it is something else. Trying to make the arousal of men women’s _fault_ is, as I’ve said, probably not helpful. I’d blame the church for the culture of finger-pointing—well, I’d blame them if I believed blame was a good thing. 🙂 I said this before, but to my mind, it’s the same as the analogy of the man saying something insensitive while his girlfriend/wife/fiance is PMSing. Is it the woman’s _fault_ that she may be very sensitive at that time? No. Is it the man’s _fault_ that his behavior makes her upset? No—but he can take steps to minimize the situation, and he should, without being accused or shamed. The situation simply is what it is. For the record, I have no personal experience with the culture of accusation which you describe, but I find it repulsive too. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/86 "2004-05-29T23:03:38Z")
I still wanna know how I’m foisting my own fault for having depraved desires onto women. Mat Damon, _yes_. Women _no_. I demand really hot men cease wearing skin tight shirts and shorts/jeans so I am no longer distracted my depraved desires! 😃 Oh wait. No I don’t. Carry on, please, carry on! ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/87 "2004-05-30T01:37:02Z")
🙂 ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/88 "2004-05-30T01:38:42Z")
In our church, flip flops and t shirts are accpetable. After all, God doesn’t judge us by our clothes! ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542/89 "2004-05-30T02:26:16Z")
If women could just understand that male lust is our version of female materialism, it would be easier to understand. We men can’t help being distracted by appealing women. You women can’t help being distracted by men with money. See? It’s simple. Can’t we all just get along? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-men-take-responsibility-for-their-own-depraved-desires/246542.md?page=4)