# Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984>\
**Category:** Factual Questions\
**Created:** [June 20, 2005, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984 "2005-06-20T02:01:42Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\
**Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984/1 "2005-06-20T02:01:42Z")

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Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?  
Norwegians learn Norwegian.  
The Greeks are taught their Greek.  
In France every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed.  
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.  
And the Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening.  
But use proper English, you’re regarded as a freak.  
Oh why can’t the English…  
I say, why can’t the English, Learn, to, speak!?

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**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\
**Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984/2 "2005-06-20T02:04:00Z")

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All said in best Rex Harrison sing/speak voice…

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**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\
**Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984/3 "2005-06-20T02:04:37Z")

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And the General Question, which is expected to have a discrete, factual answer, is?

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**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\
**Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984/4 "2005-06-20T02:21:33Z")

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Who is Noel Coward?

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**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\
**Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984/5 "2005-06-20T02:31:35Z")

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Alan Jay Lerner is now officially rolling in his grave.

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**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\
**Post date:** [June 20, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-the-english-teach-their-children-how-to-speak/308984/6 "2005-06-20T03:17:54Z")

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If the OP wants this reopened, he’d better have a good story.

Closed by **samclem** GQ moderator