# why can't we curse around children? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 29, 2020, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562 "2020-03-29T02:58:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/21 "2020-03-29T15:05:15Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Aside: Most modern Americans have forgotten the distinction between curses, profanities, and obscenities. There can be some overlap between them, but they can also be completely distinct. “Fuck you” is a curse and an obscenity, but not profanity. “Go to Hell” is a curse and a profanity, but not an obscenity. “Oh God I’m cumming” is a profanity and an obscenity, but not a curse. “Good Heavens” is a profanity but not a curse nor an obscenity. “Go die in a fiery crash” is a curse but not a profanity nor an obscenity. “Oh shit” is an obscenity but not a profanity nor a curse. Thanks, I’ll be working up a new collection of three-fers. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/22 "2020-03-29T15:17:27Z")
We call them “grown up words” in my house. I do modify my language around my son, but I am not perfect. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/23 "2020-03-29T15:26:32Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I would argue that it actually behooves your children to swear in front of them. Because then they learn context from a very young age; when to swear and when NOT to swear. I’ve more-or-less taken this approach around my kids, but will curb my swearing tendencies around other kids. (I mean, I don’t curse like a sailor around my kids, but I will use it for emphasis every once in awhile.) What is impressive to me is that both kids, one almost six, the other four, just innately seemed to have learned which words are the “naughty” words without explicitly being taught for the most part. I can only remember one or two instances where I had to say “that’s a grown-up word” or “that’s a bad word” or something to that effect, and it seems to have stuck. I laughed my ass off when my older one had a “yellow card” in her school folder regarding using inappropriate language. Turns out her transgression was saying “poopy stupid butt” which is from a song she found on Alexa. I’m like, _that’s it_? You got a talking to by the teacher for “poopy stupid butt”? Thank goodness! ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/24 "2020-03-29T16:05:05Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > She stole that one from George Carlin. Lenny Bruce did it first, with his “Aw, fuck you too, mom,” bit. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/25 "2020-03-29T16:14:13Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I’ve more-or-less taken this approach around my kids… > [@](#): > > Thank goodness! And yet with us you stoop to euphemisms. Swiving Saturn’s seed! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/26 "2020-03-29T20:07:40Z")
This is a good spot for one of my favorite jokes. Two young brothers are in their room. Older brother says it’s time we start cursing in front of Mom, we’re old enough. Younger brother says what should we say? Older brother: I’ll say “hell”, you say “ass”. Younger brother agrees. Mom calls the boys down for breakfast. “What would you guys like today?” Older brother: “Ahhh, what the hell, gimme some Froot Loops”. Mom becomes enraged. Picks him up by his collar, shakes him, “you are NEVER to speak to me in that manner young man!”. Mom now turns, still fuming, to younger brother. “And what do you want?” Younger brother, eyes wide: “I don’t know but you can bet your ass it ain’t gonna be Froot Loops!” ---
**Author:** ![Mike\_Mabes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mike_mabes/32/1782_2.png) [@Mike\_Mabes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mike_Mabes)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2020, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/27 "2020-03-29T20:46:10Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > This is a good spot for one of my favorite jokes. > > Two young brothers are in their room. Older brother says it’s time we start cursing in front of Mom, we’re old enough. > > Younger brother says what should we say? > > Older brother: I’ll say “hell”, you say “ass”. Younger brother agrees. > > Mom calls the boys down for breakfast. “What would you guys like today?” > > Older brother: “Ahhh, what the hell, gimme some Froot Loops”. > > Mom becomes enraged. Picks him up by his collar, shakes him, “you are NEVER to speak to me in that manner young man!”. > > Mom now turns, still fuming, to younger brother. “And what do you want?” > > Younger brother, eyes wide: “I don’t know but you can bet your ass it ain’t gonna be Froot Loops!” Good one. Gonna remember it. ---
**Author:** ![Saturn\_Dreams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Saturn\_Dreams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saturn_Dreams)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/28 "2020-03-30T00:28:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > My Daddy taught the lil’wrekker Japanese curse words. I’m interested to hear what these words are. There are a lot of impolite and uncouth words in the Japanese language but nothing I can think of that you would consider profanity. Even the English word “profanity” and “curse” has no direct Japanese translation. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/29 "2020-03-30T00:41:20Z")
A lot of “bad” words are Anglo-Saxon. When the Norman Conquest happened, the Anglo-Saxons became the despised underclass, and their words went with them. You could use the latinate forms like fornicate, urinate, defecate, but you could _not_ say fuck, piss or shit. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/30 "2020-03-30T01:35:11Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Lenny Bruce did it first, with his “Aw, fuck you too, mom,” bit. Now [this page](https://newrepublic.com/article/116713/swear-word-history-where-your-favorite-curses-came) suggests early uses of “fuck” were in the sense of to beat/strike, but I’m not sure how much to buy of what they are selling, or how certainly the etymology is known. But it is true that there is a bird called windfucker. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/31 "2020-03-30T05:27:59Z")
For the simple fact it’s called manners. We don’t use the George Carlin-7 words around children because we’re setting proper examples. Yes, they’ll eventually learn them all, but not from those of us that held ourselves out as the role models. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/32 "2020-03-30T10:26:33Z")
Paul Graham essay: [Lies We Tell Children](http://www.paulgraham.com/lies.html) The whole thing is worth reading, but the relevant subsection is “Innocence.” Here’s an excerpt: > [@Paul Graham](#): > > Adults have a certain model of how kids are supposed to behave, and it’s different from what they expect of other adults. > > One of the most obvious differences is the words kids are allowed to use. Most parents use words when talking to other adults that they wouldn’t want their kids using. They try to hide even the existence of these words for as long as they can. And this is another of those conspiracies everyone participates in: everyone knows you’re not supposed to swear in front of kids. > > I’ve never heard more different explanations for anything parents tell kids than why they shouldn’t swear. Every parent I know forbids their children to swear, and yet no two of them have the same justification. It’s clear most start with not wanting kids to swear, then make up the reason afterward. > > So my theory about what’s going on is that the function of swearwords is to mark the speaker as an adult. There’s no difference in the meaning of “shit” and “poopoo.” So why should one be ok for kids to say and one forbidden? The only explanation is: by definition. > > Why does it bother adults so much when kids do things reserved for adults? The idea of a foul-mouthed, cynical 10 year old leaning against a lamppost with a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth is very disconcerting. But why? ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/33 "2020-03-30T11:00:29Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > For the simple fact it’s called manners. We don’t use the George Carlin-7 words around children because we’re setting proper examples. Yes, they’ll eventually learn them all, but not from those of us that held ourselves out as the role models. This. It is impossible for a school to teach children academics without manners or self-control, both of which should be modeled by the adults in a child’s life. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/34 "2020-03-30T15:20:43Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Lenny Bruce did it first, with his “Aw, fuck you too, mom,” bit. I imagine that this is low hanging fruit, comedy-wise. Not surprising more than one person used it. It’s an easy thing to realize. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2020, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/35 "2020-03-30T18:09:01Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > A lot of “bad” words are Anglo-Saxon. When the Norman Conquest happened, the Anglo-Saxons became the despised underclass, and their words went with them. You could use the latinate forms like fornicate, urinate, defecate, but you could _not_ say fuck, piss or shit. Yeah, I’ve read the same thing. OTTOMH Doesn’t “vulgar” also mean common? Back To The OP I rarely curse to begin with. I told my niece that she should save the curse words for special occasions. I stand behind that. ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Like\_Tears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df705f/32.png) [@Time\_Like\_Tears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Like_Tears)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2020, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/36 "2020-03-31T00:56:00Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I would argue that it actually behooves your children to swear in front of them. Because then they learn context from a very young age; when to swear and when NOT to swear. > > Also, the pendulum swings. If they’ve grown up on it, it is no longer the forbidden fruit, and is less likely the will over use swearing once they develop more agency. This is exacly the approach I’ve taken with mine. He’s three. I cuss too much, I know I do. But to my mind, it’s JUST WORDS. It really comes down to how you use them. I’m never going to tell him ANY word is bad in and of itself, espacially when used in context. You stub your toe on the couch? There’s nothing more appropriate than a hearty “SHIT!” His daddy was playing D&D over Discord last week, and pulled off a super high damage fireball - the rest of the party said “Whoaaa!” and Jesse piped up with a “What the fuck!” in his little 3 year old voice. Hilarity ensued 😃 It’s also a great way to teach the early code switch. He knows WE don’t care if he cusses up a storm here at home, but if/when he goes to school they’re going to care. If he gets invited to a church service with a friend one day, they’ll care. Attending a funeral or a wedding, probably best not to refer to the participants as “Really cool motherfuckers.” The simplest form of code switching, learned early and at home. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2020, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/37 "2020-03-31T14:25:56Z")
You teach your children not to use the F word around the church ladies, for the same reason you teach them not to use the N word around African Americans. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2020, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/38 "2020-03-31T14:30:33Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > You teach your children not to use the F word around the church ladies, for the same reason you teach them not to use the N word around African Americans. That makes no sense at all. I taught my niece to never use the N word unless reading Huckleberry Finn aloud. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2020, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/39 "2020-03-31T14:50:51Z")
I’ll swear like normal if I’m playing online and a kid is in the party (doesn’t happen a lot, but it has a number of times in Destiny / Destiny 2 since it’s a T rated game). If I’m in public with a kid for whatever reason, I made an effort to not swear so much, or at least not say the worse stuff (I might let a ‘shit’ or ‘damn’ slip, but keep the ‘fuck’ to a minimum). If it’s a literal baby, I don’t give a shit, since it doesn’t know what I’m saying anyway. If it’s a teen, I don’t watch my mouth at all, because they already know it all. I don’t plan on having kids, but if I did, I wouldn’t watch my mouth too much. I would try to make it clear that there are words they can choose to use or not choose to use, but that those words have a time and a place. Please don’t get me in trouble with the school board by using them on the playground :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2020, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562/40 "2020-03-31T15:15:01Z")
Several months ago, I was grabbing lunch at a fast food restaurant. In the booth next to me there was a foursome of 14-15 year old girls. It seemed like every sentence out of their mouths was laced with with 2-3 profanities. Bitch this, fucking that, shit here, Goddamn there… It’s like they thought these profane adjectives made them feel more grown up. I’m going to blame the parents for this lack of teaching their kids how to converse properly. Sure a good curse word at the right time is and can be impactful, but when every other word out of your mouth is a curse word, in my opinion, it is more of an intellectual crutch, because you can’t think of better ways to explain yourself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-we-curse-around-children/850562.md?page=3)