# Why can't you do it? Why can't you set your monkey free? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 24, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187 "2003-02-24T17:21:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/1 "2003-02-24T17:21:51Z")
Ah, Calfornia! [http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/02/23/missing.monkey.ap/index.html](http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/West/02/23/missing.monkey.ap/index.html) And soon to be the home of filthy, plague-addled beasts. The more I read the news, the more depressed I get. Our greatest biomedical minds cannot out-think a monkey! Our nation is being run by people who think that “C” students are “Brains”. :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/2 "2003-02-24T17:37:06Z")
Hey, my facemask is starting to disintegrate. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/3 "2003-02-24T17:39:51Z")
For some reason, I was expecting some kind of new-agey “get in touch with the primal beast within” king of thing. “Release your inner monkey!” My brain is travelling some wierd paths today. ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/4 "2003-02-24T17:40:50Z")
_LOL_ “Disease free” _HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH__wheeze_ Umm FYI folks. Pretty much 90%+ of the Rhesus Macaque population carries B virus as a latent infection. Anyhoo, odds are it got run over and it unrecognizable. From my experience working on a primate center, the primates come back after a day or so when they get hungry. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/5 "2003-02-24T17:56:06Z")
I thought for sure this was gong to be a public masturbation thread. Silly me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/6 "2003-02-24T18:08:16Z")
[Homer]mm-mm-mm-mmmmm. Monkey brains…mmmm-mmmm-mmmmmm glglgllgggllllga[/homer] ---
**Author:** ![beegirl13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@beegirl13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beegirl13)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/7 "2003-02-24T18:15:58Z")
“Animals that go in there don’t come out alive,” he said. That sounds so…sinister. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/8 "2003-02-24T18:18:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*The more I read the news, the more depressed I get. Our greatest biomedical minds cannot out-think a monkey! > \*\* I don’t know, I work in a lab and we periodically have an animal disappear, never to be seen again. Granted, they are mostly mice or guinea pigs—but the little buggers still manage to outsmart us sometimes. You’d think a monkey would have been noticed as it wandered out the door, so it’s quite likely that it was actually stolen. If, by some chance, it did escape then I’m with **CRorex** on this one. The monkey’s toast. Lab animals are generally raised to be just that, they have zero experience in the wild and would likely not last for long. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/9 "2003-02-24T18:30:45Z")
I hear Sting in the background. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/10 "2003-02-24T18:36:53Z")
I’m surprised no one has speculated on terrorist involvement yet… ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/11 "2003-02-24T19:06:41Z")
When I read the title, George Michaels instantly came to mind. I need therapy now. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/12 "2003-02-24T19:08:13Z")
Maybe they could lure him back with some Rhesus Peanut Butter Cups. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/13 "2003-02-24T19:11:18Z")
Woo! Good one, **lieu**! That balances out the fact that I now have a George Michael song running through my cranium. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/14 "2003-02-24T19:11:55Z")
> [@](#): > > “If they can’t manage these monkeys when they’ve got level two and three diseases, how will they manage monkeys with level four diseases?,” asked Joshua English. Is it just me, or is this up for the “Stupidist Logical Leap of the Year” award? ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/15 "2003-02-24T19:37:27Z")
The quote by English is pretty funny. Considering B virus is a restricted pathogen (or in the process of being termed one) and of the 26 known B-virus cases 1 person somehow had his infection go latent and then suddenly expressed virus and died 10 years after his last possible exposure to the virus. Everyone else was dead within a week or a week in a half. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/16 "2003-02-24T20:30:34Z")
Wouldn’t it blow your mind to be the animal control agent cleaning up that roadkill? After a career full of squirrels, possums and the occasional housepet, some SUV on the highway hits a monkey. I don’t get what’s the problem with English’s opinion. They’re proposing to build a new biomed facility to study primates with virulent and uncurable diseases in the area, and then you hear that a monkey just happened to take a day trip from the facility they’ve got there now… wouldn’t that bother you too? ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/17 "2003-02-24T20:35:16Z")
…always givin’ in to it- do you love the monkey or do you love me? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/18 "2003-02-24T21:59:39Z")
That’s it. Call in Dustin Hoffman in an environment suit (or give **CRorex** a bad toupee). We need a massive quarantine and saturation firebomings _now_. We can’t let idiocy like this exist in this world: > [@](#): > > “If they can’t manage these monkeys when they’ve got level two and three diseases, how will they manage monkeys with level four diseases?,” asked Joshua English. “If you can’t keep marbles in an open sieve, how can you keep them in a closed box?” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-cant-you-do-it-why-cant-you-set-your-monkey-free/157187/19 "2003-02-25T01:51:02Z")
Maybe he went to hang out with Michael Jackson?