# Why did the risotto taste and smell like vagina? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 26, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270 "2007-07-26T19:15:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/101 "2007-07-28T02:42:08Z")
I love you. ---
**Author:** ![Beaucarnea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Beaucarnea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beaucarnea)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/102 "2007-07-28T02:43:28Z")
Oh, **elelle** , I love you, too! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/103 "2007-07-28T02:57:42Z")
Thanks. I love me too ,😉 as much time as I just spent on that. Still, “Bitchin’ Camaro” will not go away. Gonna dig up my Frank Zappa LP’s tomarra, that should do it. Hope the ol’ LP vinyl record needle will scrape off the southern mildew to give Frank voice again. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/104 "2007-07-28T03:10:11Z")
[QUOTE=elelle] Thanks. I love me too ,😉 as much time as I just spent on that. Still, “Bitchin’ Camaro” will not go away. Gonna dig up my Frank Zappa LP’s tomarra, that should do it. Hope the ol’ LP vinyl record needle will scrape off the southern mildew to give Frank voice again. [/QUOTE] [Now](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB6FYCU6qjI) you’ll love me more than Beaucarnea 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/105 "2007-07-28T03:24:24Z")
Leasty: I have a dialup with them internets, so will have to punch it up, and hem and haw and brush my teeth while the damn thing loads, several eons later. Duly, will do it though, cause no Lovefest without it’s due denourisouttesmont. Fish broth or not. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/106 "2007-07-28T03:36:46Z")
Bah. Bring your Internets into this century, woman! As someone that loves you, you’re missing out on gems…like [this](http://youtube.com/watch?v=r-KAX0mONg0)! am I losing love now? ---
**Author:** ![Beaucarnea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Beaucarnea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beaucarnea)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/107 "2007-07-28T03:58:05Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Hey! I acquired you fair and square! [/QUOTE] But… but… **LOUNE** , you didn’t notice my new haircut, you never tell me I’m pretty anymore, you didn’t listen to my story about my cat, you never want to cuddle… and you didn’t even touch my scrumptious risotto last night. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/108 "2007-07-28T04:07:14Z")
[QUOTE=Beaucarnea] But… but… **LOUNE** , you didn’t notice my new haircut, you never tell me I’m pretty anymore, you didn’t listen to my story about my cat, you never want to cuddle… and you didn’t even touch my scrumptious risotto last night. [/QUOTE] I do too! I don’t just..swig beer and watch sports! Gosh! And “touch” doesn’t even _begin_ to describe what I did to your risotto last night, dah-ling. One would say that it’s an understatement. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/109 "2007-07-28T04:15:25Z")
So, now,it’s all about the risotto, is it? What about my needs??? I can’t talk to you people anymore, with your fancy haircuts and YouTube fast connections and all. All I had was “Bitchin’ Camaro”, as a thread to sanity, and you tossed it away like a Used Kleenex,…linking to a site I have vague hopes of ever attaining in this lifetime of dialup. Thanks. Thanks a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/110 "2007-07-28T04:20:00Z")
Well, it’s not \*all \* about the risotto… Don’t get me wrong, it’s good and all. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/111 "2007-07-28T05:41:37Z")
Man, what’s a guy gotta do to get some risotto 'round here? I have never actually had risotto. Unless rice a roni counts. I am a risotto virgin. I have, however, eaten a few frutti di mare con fettucini and some prime pussy in my day. Seriously, never made a risotto unless my awesome rice pudding counts…got the technque…just want to try it out on a girlfriend. I want to make some great Fun-guy risotto sometime. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/112 "2007-07-28T07:18:37Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] I’m sorry. I’ll give you dap for it, though. [/QUOTE] Given the context of this thread thus far, I read this as “I’ll give you _clap_ for it, though.” You gotta be careful with that risotto, man, you don’t know who else had a taste. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/113 "2007-07-28T07:42:22Z")
Apropos of not very much, the first time I made risotto, I wasn’t patient enough with the liquid, so it wound up sort of… toothy. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/114 "2007-07-28T07:51:21Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Apropos of not very much, the first time I made risotto, I wasn’t patient enough with the liquid, so it wound up sort of… toothy. [/QUOTE] Risotto dentata? I’m ashamed of myself. That was just too obvious. ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/115 "2007-07-28T14:47:48Z")
Let’s try to reverse engineer this vag-a-roni. **VCO3** , do you remember what it looked like? Did you see any mushrooms? Chopped onions? Anything else you remember besides rice? I’m gonna try to make this stuff. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/116 "2007-07-28T15:10:32Z")
[QUOTE=coffeecat] Let’s try to reverse engineer this vag-a-roni. **VCO3** , do you remember what it looked like? Did you see any mushrooms? Chopped onions? Anything else you remember besides rice? I’m gonna try to make this stuff. [/QUOTE] No mushrooms. It was pretty standard as far as risotto goes, both in appearance and texture. I really don’t think it contained clam juice or any of the other suggestions - it just wasn’t fishy or “seafood”-tasting in any way. If anything, it was a nice counterpoint to the fruits of la mer that was going on in the man platter. It just had a particularly musky, heady, fragrant taste going on - it deft felt like the taste was the result of some particular spice. It just had that “this has been spiced in an interesting, almost musky way that makes it taste like clean, fresh vagina” feeling. By the way, the restaurant was in Chesapeake, Virginia, and I don’t remember the name of it. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/117 "2007-07-28T16:10:10Z")
“Why did the risotto taste and smell like vagina?” I feel this urge to reply “Why, I don’t know - why _did_ the risotto taste and smell like vagina?” like I am the straight man for a vaudeville comic… he he - “vagina” “straight man” - there’s some funny in there, but I got nuthin’ And all of this reminds me of that old joke about the guy who eats at a restaurant and _loves_ the pizza. So much so that he demands to be taken back to the kitchen to thank the chef. When he walks through the door, however, he is aghast to see the cook taking the pizza dough and whacking it against his bare, hairy chest to flatten it out. Fighting the urge to vomit, the man shouts “I am reporting you to the Health Inspector!” and storms out…and as the cook watches him leave, he mutters to himself “…guess he doesn’t want to watch me make the donuts…” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/118 "2007-07-28T16:38:08Z")
“Funny. He never asks for a second plate of Risotto at home…” ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/119 "2007-07-28T16:51:05Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] No mushrooms. It was pretty standard as far as risotto goes, both in appearance and texture. I really don’t think it contained clam juice or any of the other suggestions - it just wasn’t fishy or “seafood”-tasting in any way. If anything, it was a nice counterpoint to the fruits of la mer that was going on in the man platter. It just had a particularly musky, heady, fragrant taste going on - it deft felt like the taste was the result of some particular spice. It just had that “this has been spiced in an interesting, almost musky way that makes it taste like clean, fresh vagina” feeling. By the way, the restaurant was in Chesapeake, Virginia, and I don’t remember the name of it. [/QUOTE] Okay, in all seriousness, I’m guessing saffron. It would go beautifully in risotto, it’s an unusual flavor to most Americans, and it does have a light, yet musky and floral tone. “Light” and “musky” are usually antithetical, but that’s probably why saffron costs a gazillion dollars a pound. Okay, not a gazillion. But sometimes upwards of [$2000 a pound, retail.](http://www.foodreference.com/html/artsaffron.html) Luckily, you don’t need much of it in any one recipe. ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270/120 "2007-07-28T17:00:31Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] If anything, it was a nice counterpoint to the fruits of la mer that was going on in the \*\*man \*\*platter. [/QUOTE] This is an unfortunate typo if I ever saw one. Let me guess, that platter was salty… tangy…warm and creamy perhaps? Hopefully you didn’t get any in you eye. That’s never fun. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-the-risotto-taste-and-smell-like-vagina/413270.md?page=7)