# Why did you have to shit in my shoes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489 "2009-08-06T01:36:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/1 "2009-08-06T01:36:18Z")
Dear Not-Stella\*, I understand that you are not feeling well. I accept that your illness, whatever it is\*\*, has caused you to suffer temporary (I hope) instability of the bowels. While we wait for a diagnosis and treatment plan, I am willing to deal with the result of said instability with an armamentarium consisting of rags, paper towels, bucket, and mop. I am committed to your well-being. So why did you shit in my shoes while I was out? Not just any shoes, either - you had to crap in the Perfect Clogs. These are the shoes that I coveted for _years_ before they turned up at the outlet store, the shoes that I wear around the house instead of slippers because they protect my feet from the vicious and wily Table Legs (also Doorstops, Stray Nuts & Bolts, and Little Wheels Off Things). The _light tan suede clogs_ that can’t be cleaned, and which are now out in the trash. From the extent of the damage you must have balanced directly over the pair of clogs and let loose, a feat of agility and balance which rivals those achieved by the Wonder Beagle himself. As if that weren’t enough abuse for one afternoon, you managed to crap in my Birkenstocks, too. This is your loss as well as mine, though - that’s the one pair of outdoor shoes I don’t have to tie, which means that I can take _you_ out that much faster when you want a walk. Fortunately for both of us, these are the non-leather ones and can be (and have been) cleaned. You even managed to splatter cwPartner’s new(ish) shoes, you bitch. -The Management \*[Not-Stella](http://i587.photobucket.com/albums/ss320/cwthree/Photo_070309_004.jpg), formerly known as the New Dog, has been hired to fill the position recently vacated by the[Wonder Beagle](http://i587.photobucket.com/albums/ss320/cwthree/3584292836_f0289b98da.jpg). \*\*The vet should have an answer for us tomorrow. Meanwhile, she gets probiotics and bland food. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/2 "2009-08-06T02:05:13Z")
Don’t give her any food. Not going to starve to death in one day. Also, Pepto and immodium are both safe for dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/3 "2009-08-06T02:23:14Z")
Oh ugh, I feel your pain. One of our dogs (not from the current pack) once crapped in my favorite slippers. Had to be a contortion of some talent, as they were under a low bench. They were washable, and it was just regular poop and not diarrhea or anything, but I threw them out because I just couldn’t stomach the thought of putting my feet in them again. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/4 "2009-08-06T02:26:40Z")
My newest dog crapped on my bed one day early on when he was mad at me. I went away to grab the cleaning supplies, and came back to a brand new turd on my pillow. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/5 "2009-08-06T02:43:03Z")
Those Crocs were fucking ugly anyway. Think of it as a blessing in disguise. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/6 "2009-08-06T03:18:02Z")
You ever have one of those moments where something you read or hear triggers an old memory of an almost forgotten snippet of language? This post did that to me–half reminded me of some poem I’d once read–so I dug, and I found, and–about 1/2 way through reading I remember how ass-reamingly depressing it is. I tried to stop but couldn’t, the damage was done. The ghost of this damn dog will now stalk me for a week or two until I manage to actively forget it once again. Yet forgetting seems wrong–because beneath the knife-in-the-gut pain factor, it’s actually quite a beautiful little poem in a way. Very respectful. So I hate it but can’t leave it be. It’s very conflicting. DOG’S DEATH by John Updike She must have been kicked unseen or brushed by a car. Too young to know much, she was beginning to learn To use the newspapers spread on the kitchen floor And to win, wetting there, the words, “Good dog! Good dog!” We thought her shy malaise was a shot reaction. The autopsy disclosed a rupture in her liver. As we teased her with play, blood was filling her skin And her heart was learning to lie down forever. Monday morning, as the children were noisily fed And sent to school, she crawled beneath the youngest’s bed. We found her twisted and limp but still alive. In the car to the vet’s, on my lap, she tried To bite my hand and died. I stroked her warm fur And my wife called in a voice imperious with tears. Though surrounded by love that would have upheld her, Nevertheless she sank and, stiffening, disappeared. Back home, we found that in the night her frame, Drawing near to dissolution, had endured the shame Of diarrhea and had dragged across the floor To a newspaper carelessly left there. Good dog. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/7 "2009-08-06T03:20:34Z")
Just an idea, don’t yell. Maybe your feet are making your shoes smell like a good place to shit? Kind of like, ‘I have to shit in the house, and I know I’m not supposed to, but wait, it smells like someone already shit in these.’ I’m sorry, I’m a dog, I know. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/8 "2009-08-06T03:28:32Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > You ever have one of those moments where something you read or hear triggers an old memory of an almost forgotten snippet of language? This post did that to me–half reminded me of some poem I’d once read–so I dug, and I found, and–about 1/2 way through reading I remember how ass-reamingly depressing it is. I tried to stop but couldn’t, the damage was done. The ghost of this damn dog will now stalk me for a week or two until I manage to actively forget it once again. Yet forgetting seems wrong–because beneath the knife-in-the-gut pain factor, it’s actually quite a beautiful little poem in a way. Very respectful. So I hate it but can’t leave it be. It’s very conflicting. > > DOG’S DEATH by John Updike > > She must have been kicked unseen or brushed by a car. > Too young to know much, she was beginning to learn > To use the newspapers spread on the kitchen floor > And to win, wetting there, the words, “Good dog! Good dog!” > > We thought her shy malaise was a shot reaction. > The autopsy disclosed a rupture in her liver. > As we teased her with play, blood was filling her skin > And her heart was learning to lie down forever. > > Monday morning, as the children were noisily fed > And sent to school, she crawled beneath the youngest’s bed. > We found her twisted and limp but still alive. > In the car to the vet’s, on my lap, she tried > To bite my hand and died. I stroked her warm fur > And my wife called in a voice imperious with tears. > Though surrounded by love that would have upheld her, > Nevertheless she sank and, stiffening, disappeared. > > Back home, we found that in the night her frame, > Drawing near to dissolution, had endured the shame > Of diarrhea and had dragged across the floor > To a newspaper carelessly left there. Good dog. ☹ Aw. I agree with your sentiments, but DAMN I’m sorry I went ahead and read that poem. Cause I knew I’d regret it. DAMN! I’m sorry I read it.☹ ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/9 "2009-08-06T04:14:29Z")
Moving this from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share. **Gfactor** Pit Moderator ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/10 "2009-08-06T04:17:40Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > Dear Not-Stella\*, > > I understand that you are not feeling well. I accept that your illness, whatever it is\*\*, has caused you to suffer temporary (I hope) instability of the bowels. While we wait for a diagnosis and treatment plan, I am willing to deal with the result of said instability with an armamentarium consisting of rags, paper towels, bucket, and mop. I am committed to your well-being. > > So why did you shit in my shoes while I was out? Not just any shoes, either - you had to crap in the Perfect Clogs. These are the shoes that I coveted for _years_ before they turned up at the outlet store, the shoes that I wear around the house instead of slippers because they protect my feet from the vicious and wily Table Legs (also Doorstops, Stray Nuts & Bolts, and Little Wheels Off Things). The _light tan suede clogs_ that can’t be cleaned, and which are now out in the trash. From the extent of the damage you must have balanced directly over the pair of clogs and let loose, a feat of agility and balance which rivals those achieved by the Wonder Beagle himself. > > As if that weren’t enough abuse for one afternoon, you managed to crap in my Birkenstocks, too. This is your loss as well as mine, though - that’s the one pair of outdoor shoes I don’t have to tie, which means that I can take _you_ out that much faster when you want a walk. Fortunately for both of us, these are the non-leather ones and can be (and have been) cleaned. > > You even managed to splatter cwPartner’s new(ish) shoes, you bitch. > > -The Management > > \*[Not-Stella](http://i587.photobucket.com/albums/ss320/cwthree/Photo_070309_004.jpg), formerly known as the New Dog, has been hired to fill the position recently vacated by the[Wonder Beagle](http://i587.photobucket.com/albums/ss320/cwthree/3584292836_f0289b98da.jpg). > > \*\*The vet should have an answer for us tomorrow. Meanwhile, she gets probiotics and bland food. I have two tri colored overlords. Beagles can be a problem. Winston my puppy is a shit machine. We now call him Winnie the Poop. I take them for 2 walks in the park everyday. Walking 2 dogs is a problem. It is no fun picking up poopies when they want to chase squirrels. So to make it easier , i wait for them to poop in the back yard Yesterday Winston pooped 5 times. I can’t keep up with him. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/11 "2009-08-06T05:50:41Z")
> [@ghardester](#): > > Just an idea, don’t yell. Well, made _me_ laugh… ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/12 "2009-08-06T15:38:52Z")
> [@ghardester](#): > > Just an idea, don’t yell. There was no yelling, although there was hearty “WTF?” as I discovered the damage. I had cleaned up what I _thought_ was all the poop, headed for the door to throw out the mess, looked down, and saw it. The dog, of course, had long forgotten about it. > [@porcupine](#): > > Don’t give her any food. Not going to starve to death in one day. Also, Pepto and immodium are both safe for dogs. That’s good to know - I’ll ask the vet about dosing, etc., when I talk to him. She’s a smallish, older dog and I don’t know if there are any special considerations to be taken because of her size and age. > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Those Crocs were fucking ugly anyway. Think of it as a blessing in disguise. Oh man, I wish it had just been a pair of butt-ugly Crocs. But these were a pair of Simple clogs (similar to [this](http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Original-Clog-Mens-2534/dp/B0018DZ3AK), but in a tan suede-type finish), and they didn’t look half bad. > [@gonzomax](#): > > I have two tri colored overlords. Beagles can be a problem. Winston my puppy is a shit machine. We now call him Winnie the Poop. OK, “Winnie the Poop” made me smile. The Wonder Beagle had the poop machine thing down, but he wasn’t as, um, productive as Winston. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/13 "2009-08-06T18:10:56Z")
> [@Risha](#): > > My newest dog crapped on my bed one day early on when he was mad at me. I went away to grab the cleaning supplies, and came back to a brand new turd on my pillow. If you found that hard to sleep on, Hans Christen Andersen has some good news for you. ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/14 "2009-08-06T18:40:45Z")
Before she passed this January, my beloved canine partner Bitz the Wondermutt had had recurring liver problems for years. When it would inflame, she would get horrible diarrhea. I understood there was no way for her to control it, so I never got mad at her, BUT she was one of those dogs that walked when she pooped instead of squatting in one place. It looked like little kids had run through the house holding inverted Hershey’s syrup bottles. I learned to always watch her when she went outside, and if her droppings were anything less than perfectly solid, off to the vet we went to start treatment immediately. That probably extended her life and its quality by a year or so, and it definitely saved me multiple steam cleanings of the carpet. Sorry about the ramble, and also about your shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/15 "2009-08-06T21:39:53Z")
Note to self - if **cwthree** ever suggests “walk a mile in my shoes”, decline the offer. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/16 "2009-08-06T22:25:00Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > DOG’S DEATH by John Updike > > She must have been kicked unseen or brushed by a car. > … > To a newspaper carelessly left there. Good dog. Thanks for posting that - it’s good, if sad. I’m glad I didn’t encounter it right after the Wonder Beagle died. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/17 "2009-08-06T23:05:55Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > If you found that hard to sleep on, Hans Christen Andersen has some good news for you. I don’t think he had eaten any peas that day. ---
**Author:** ![raindrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@raindrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raindrop)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/18 "2009-08-07T03:41:29Z")
It must be my own funky-weirdo bowel problems happening for the last couple of days that made me immediately sympathetic to Not-Stella. In fact, just an hour ago I was yet again yelling at my bowels, cursing at them, and telling them about my very low opinion of them (pun intended). For the last 2 days it seems I’m either in the toilet, or thinking I shouldn’t stray too far from the toilet, or thinking about getting right back in there asap. sheesh. IBS ain’t fun whether it’s a human, or a beast. [grumble, grumble] Speaking of pooping while walking, yesterday I saw a huge parade of horse-drawn carriages in the park. Some of the horses were fitted with poopie bags, but those that weren’t just dropped their load right in the street, seemingly without a care. I was actually envious. Oh, and sorry about your clogs. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-did-you-have-to-shit-in-my-shoes/505489/19 "2009-08-07T14:35:44Z")
Not-Stella appears to be feeling considerably better for a couple of days of probiotics and small quantities of bland food. I’ve also given her some Imodium - she’s still got the runs, but her gut has slowed down to the point that she can wait til we go outside instead of pooping on the floor. Still waiting for lab results. **raindrop** , you and your cranky gut have my sympathy. Been there, done that, it ain’t fun.